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would you live away from dh for a year?

jtbmommyjtbmommy
in Parenting

dh lost his job last month. He has family who live about 5 hours away in a much lower cost of living area. I didn't think I would want to move there (all my friends and family are here) but after having ds, I've started to think about it. IF he got a good paying job, we could buy a bigger house, cut 100k off our mortage and I could stay home and we would be more comfortable.We decided he would look there also, but only if the job sounded perfect... I know some salaries are lower there too so it would need to be for the right $$

Well last night he got a call about a contract position up there for 12 months. It has no benefits (I carry the family on mine),  no 401k,  no vacation, etc.  The hourly pay works out to 100k a year....BUT there is no way I could quit my job, sell the house, and move there for a 1 year position. Who knows what could happen when the year ends. He could rent an apartment and we could visit on weekends but that could get old.

We are torn between an opportunity to work and weighing the cost of paying for 2 places, visits, etc.

I'm starting to think that since it is only a contract it's not worth it. It would be different if it were a permanent position...

So long story-- would you do it? 

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Re: would you live away from dh for a year?

  • soontobemommasoontobemomma member

    I guess it depends on if you really have to have the money...

    but I can tell you dh is military, and I would give anything for my children and I not to have to live apart from him for a year.   It is very difficult in so many ways.  We are getting ready for deployment 2, and it is awful on you and the kids.  You have to think about how they will re-adjust to him and discipline, or even simple things like bedtime.  DD1 will only let me put her to sleep and he's been home for 15 mo.  It takes a long time to build their trust back.  I am worried this time about her having abandonment issues.

     If you were going to see him every weekend, that would make a big difference though. 

    JMO. 

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  • buffalo_buckeyebuffalo_buckeye member
    It depends on you and yh. I did it for 9 months and it was hard! MH got a better job 5 hrs away but I had to stay with our old house until it sold. But now I sah and mh loves his job and we live a much happier life. It was definately worth it for us. He came up about every other weekend and ds and I went to visit himanout every 6 weeks. He really missed ds and it took some adjusting back to a new normal once we were all back in the same house.
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  • kittycarrkittycarr
    Only if he wouldn't make me have phone sex with him.
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  • joriejorie

    I wouldn't.  No amt of money would make it worth it to me.  I couldn't be apart from him for that long and he wouldn't consider it either.

     

    Tough situation...good luck!

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  • stacynikkistacynikki member
    Yes. I would do it.
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  • joriejorie

    imagekittycarr:
    Only if he wouldn't make me have phone sex with him.

    LOL

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  • jtbmommyjtbmommy

    It would be easier for me to say yes if it was a permanent position and then I would stay here and move up after he buys a house, I sell ours, etc.

    But in a year we could end up right where we are now...unemployed back here.  

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  • r9stedtr9stedt
    Will the cost of supporting two households leave much money afterwards? If so, yes, and I would bank that extra so as if you are in the same place a year from now, you will have some padding. My parents have been doing this do three years due to jobs. Of course they don't have children, but it has really made them work on their relationship. And, you don't know what will happen at the end of the year, they might offer him a full time position. On the flip side though, he might have to pass up a perfect job in your town because of this. Simple answer:yes.
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  • DandelionMomDandelionMom

    He's been in such a mood lately I'd seriously consider it.  Stick out tongue

    He used to travel a lot for work and it was really hard doing everything myself.  Unless the job gave us so much extra that I could afford a regular sitter and cleaning help, I wouldn't be able to handle him being gone for a year.

    .
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