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xmaryrickx
member
Am I evil?
xmaryrickx
member
My rule is if you leave it out, and are asked to put it away, and don't, then whatever it is disappears.
So a few weeks ago I asked SS to put away his bb gun (don't get me started on that one, I hate it). He said no, that he did not have to. Now, please note that it was in the living room, and our house is only 4 rooms-one of which is his bedroom and the other the bathroom. So, I took it. I put it somewhere I knew he would not find it, which I told him I would do if he did not put it away-to which he told me I could not do that because it was his, and I can't touch HIS stuff. Oh please.
He was looking for it this morning. First time in 3 weeks. So, my feeling on that is that he needs to miss it for a while before getting it back. And since he just realized it, it is too soon to get it back.
Am I being mean?
So a few weeks ago I asked SS to put away his bb gun (don't get me started on that one, I hate it). He said no, that he did not have to. Now, please note that it was in the living room, and our house is only 4 rooms-one of which is his bedroom and the other the bathroom. So, I took it. I put it somewhere I knew he would not find it, which I told him I would do if he did not put it away-to which he told me I could not do that because it was his, and I can't touch HIS stuff. Oh please.
He was looking for it this morning. First time in 3 weeks. So, my feeling on that is that he needs to miss it for a while before getting it back. And since he just realized it, it is too soon to get it back.
Am I being mean?
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Re: Am I evil?
Nope. He hasn't learned his little lesson yet.
SD leaves stuff out, she gets one (maybe two - depending on what she is doing at the time) warning(s) to put it away in her room, out of the living/dining room/kitchen or where ever it is. If it is left there afterwards I can choose to remove it and it wont go to her room (since I am not her maid). I have said to her in the past, if you leave it out after you were asked to put it up then you obviously don't care about it (especially since we have two dogs that are always looking for toys to play with). If you don't care about it why do we need to keep it? I havne't had to throw anything away yet.
Ha ha ha, my mom used to do this. The only problem was then she'd forget where she hid it and we would actually never get it back until we moved to a new house!
I have the same rule in my house, put it away or I'll take it. Luckily, SD is pretty good about it. She would be in a lot of trouble if she told me no she wasn't putting something away or I couldn't take it because it was hers.
So for you, I would take the bb gun away, and I wouldn't give it back to him for awhile. The past 3 weeks don't count since he hasn't noticed it until now. The 'punishment' begins when he noticed it was missing. You aren't evil, you just have rules and kids need rules!
OMG I love this approach! I've never heard of it! I'm going to start using it! SO SMART! (I've never had kids or been around them much. That's why I don't know anything LOL)
No, you are not evil. In addition to taking the toy, I would have asked his father to spank him for telling me no. I guess that makes ME evil, huh?
Nope this is what I do w/DS. So if you are evil, then so am I! LOL
My mother would also do this! I remember her finding things when we were packing the house to move.
Not evil - otherwise he will never learn.
You aren't evil at all! SD and I play the same game. She is usually pretty good about putting her stuff away, mostly we have this problem at bed time. If it's bed time and I check on her and she is playing with something, then it becomes mine. Usually it goes up on the tall dresser in DH and I's room for a week or so, then she gets it back. If I take the same toy away twice, she has to go with me to take it to goodwill. Because SD has lots of extra grandparents to spoil her I make her go through her toys every six months or so. Anything she hasn't played with in that time goes in a box for "kids that don't have toys" and we take it to goodwill. It makes her happy to help other kids and makes me happy because her room doesn't overflow
Personally, when he figures out you have it, I would make him do some sort of chore or task to earn it back, mostly because of his attitude about "his" toys. We make sure SD knows that until she moves out of OUR house everything in it is on loan.
Nope - not evil at all or mean for that matter!
If he is big enough to get it out and play with it, he is big enough to put it away when he is finished.
My SD was consistently "cleaning" her room by throwing everything in her closet and smushing the door closed. A few of her toys were were things that I had played with as a child and had planned on passing down to my children - hence - she had them to play with. I told her when I put them in her room that if she didn't take care of them - along with her other toys - that things would disappear. Toys disappeared - old and new - after after two warnings.
She puts her toys away neatly now. And she got them back after a little while. I also helped her clean out her closet so that things had a place to return to. That helped a great deal.
Okay good. Glad I am not alone.
My mom did this with my shoes when I was little (like 6). All my shoes kept disappearing, and finally I had no shoes. When that finally happpend, my mom told me where they were, and i had to get them myself and put them away-they were in the big scary basement, and I was so upset that I had to go down there by myself and get them that I never did it again.
Our kids don't get away with that kind of crap. I fully support your decision to hide it.
My kids are only 5 and 7, so when they clean their room and say they are done, we will ask, "So if I were to go in there and find anything on the floor, I could throw it away?" They usually run in there and finish and pick anything else up. We rarely have to even ask though.
BM's place is another story... it looks like a toy bomb went off. "They don't clean their room." Umm, what? You don't ask them to. They are fully capable. Anyway, sorry for the tangent.
Your SS needs structure, if it's the only way to teach it to him, then hide his stuff. ESPECIALLY if he is going to sass you.?
Dh was not there, and the after effects are worse if I "tell" on him. He gets very very angry if he thinks I am going to "tell" his father. It can get pretty ugly, which is why I try to never ever be alone with him.
no, you are not evil. You are teaching him a lesson.
He knows the rule and if he doesnt follow the rule, he suffers the consequence.
I wouldnt give it back for at least 3 weeks, since that is how long he didnt miss it for. ( actually, I'd keep it longer, but no less than 3 weeks)
You're not being mean at all, you're simply following through on what you said you would do. And you CAN do that because even though its HIS stuff, its in YOUR house.
I did that for a long time with the step kids and they got the point after a few months and 2 full size shipping boxes of stuff disappearing to the storage room! The best part of that entire punishment was bringing out the boxes and them having to put everything away where it belonged...it really drove home the point that I am not the maid and I shouldn't have to pick up their stuff all the time.
Stick to your guns. He will hate you for it now, but you're teaching him in a fair and appropriate way.
You know the really sad part is he does not even realize that it is missing because I "put it away". No clue. He just thinks he can't find it....wow.
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That's a problem as well. The children need to know that the parents are a UNITED front. Mom doesn't hide anything from dad and vice versa. You both need to sit him down and lay the law down. Make sure DH lets him know that he has instructed you to inform him of ALL bad behavior, not listening etc.. and that punishment will be given for it. Period. You cant let these kids run the show.
Oh we have done that. It just still does not sink in with him. He is a very very angry child and truely believes (thanks to his mother) that i am the root of all evil. It's fun