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Working Moms
Work trip coming up...mommy guilt
DH travels for work, he is gone 3 days every other week. On those weeks I am full time 100% responsible for EVERYTHING and it?s exhausting. I have a business trip coming up in a few weeks. I leave Wednesday morning, come back Friday morning. I don?t *have* to go. Meaning, my boss wouldn?t be pissed if I didn?t go. The trip will be fun, and honestly, I think it would be great for me to really get some time in with my coworkers and reinforce that I am ?here to work hard? and that ?my mind is in the game? and all that jazz.
So I?ve been planning on going on this short trip. DH has been giving me grief, ever since I mentioned it. Not really bad grief, but he?s made it obvious that he thinks I shouldn?t go, that my responsibility is taking care of DD, picking her up from daycare after work, etc. Then last week he figured out that my trip coincides with the NFL opening night Steelers game. He?s a HUGE Steelers fan. My response was ?Sorry, this trip is already booked and I?m not canceling?.
The last 2-3 days, I?ve been having doubts?thinking that maybe I shouldn?t go after all. I?m having Mommy guilt (haven?t been away from my baby for even 12 hours yet, let alone 2 full days) and Wife guilt (DH works so hard already, do I really want to purposely give him 2 days of working even harder?) Also DD takes a bottle just fine, but she really likes breastfeeding right before bed. So it might be tough for DH to get her to go to sleep if she doesn?t get some breast time?
Am I just overthinking this?
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Re: Work trip coming up...mommy guilt
I understand the mommy guilt but honestly, you will be back in less than 3 days and I think you will enjoy a night or two alone in a hotel room with nothing to interrupt your sleep. Connecting with work colleagues is important and if it's good for you to go then just try to enjoy it as much as you can.
On the DH guilt... I don't understand that at all. You work hard when he's gone so why shouldn't he have to pick up some of the slack for your career when you're gone? The part about the football is what turned me off because I think a husband should consider his wife and her career before a sporting event and this is coming from the wife of a die hard Giant's fan. If my husband ever alluded that I shouldn't go on a work trip because of football I would probably smack him.
Oh no, he didn't allude to it at all. He was really excited about the Sept 10th game, going to the bar to watch with all his friends, and I said "well that's when I'm gone...so you'll need to find a sitter for DD" and he said "oh...". I would smack him to!
The Wife guilt... I work part time (24 hours/wk) and DH often works 10-12 hour days,.50+ hours/wk, and he's on-call all the time... so I have "time" to do all the "stuff"...DH doesn't really. It will be a tough 2 days for him. Notwithstanding the football game...lol
And, yes, I am looking forward to our wine tasting and fun dinner that we have planned for the work trip! And a nice bubble bath when I get back to the room all by myself!
In all honesty, he can do it. My DH works full time and I traveled for three days when my DD was 6 months old and he did it all. I am sure it was tough but it wasn't as if it happened all the time, just a one time thing. My DH works 10 hour days and then gets back online after I go to bed so I do understand (I am 32 hours/week which is still a lot). That being said, if he has enough energy to go out to a bar with friends, he has enough energy to care for your child
Go and have fun and tell us all about it when you get back!
I would feel the same way-- wanting DH to put in his time since I do so much, but also really knowing DD (and DH) needs me, esp at night for bed. And a little bit of sadness/fear that she'll be upset without me and won't be able to be soothed and mad at me when I get back.
If it were me, I'd probably try to get out of the trip. But in all reality your DD will be just fine, even if things aren't exactly what she's used to.
I understand what you're saying, especially with the additional information from your second post.
Since it sounds like you already told work you'd go on this trip, I think you should just go and talk yourself out of feeling guilty. I don't think it would look good to back out now, without a real reason other than you are having second thoughts.
If you hadn't already agreed, I could see feeling guilty because of the difference in your work loads and such. Not that I think you *should* feel guilty, mind you, just that I see that you could and understand where you're coming from.
DH has gone out of town probably five times since DS was born, and I know that it's hard to be the only one responsible. I had a work trip cancel this week, and I thought DH would be relieved, but when I told him, even he was surprised that he felt kind of disappointed. Turns out he had been looking forward to proving to himself he could do it alone. Maybe your DH will enjoy that part, too.
Seriously - he travels a lot and is giving YOU grief on this? It must mean that he suspects how much work it will be and doesn't want to do it.
I traveled to Germany for a week when the twins were nine months old. DH was apprehensive to say the least but he never gave me grief about it. He actually felt so good about himself afterwards because he did it and did it well!
Absolutely go and enjoy the time away, order room service, sleep all night and spend time with your co-workers!
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame