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If I cry one more tear....(long)

TiffanyA83TiffanyA83 member
in Infertility

 .....I may have to commit myself to a mental institution. To me, crying seems like I'm not having faith / positive vibes; instead I'm just giving up...crying. I hate crying. Growing up, I could count the number of times I cried - less than 10; now, I'm lucky if I get through 4 days without seeing something that makes me tear up. **Note: this is how I feel about ME crying; not when I see other people cry! I'm not a b!tch. lol**

It feels as if the last three days have been nothing but negative energy in a bubble around my life. Although, I know that isn't true, I've cried more than I ever have in my life. (slightly refreshing / mostly ridiculous)

Yesterday was one last appointment with Dr. W - apparently, she was sick - I got to see one of her colleagues. He knows nothing about me, admitted he hadn't even looked at my chart / history, and has the audacity to tell me that he "doesn't know why I'm still trying" (to get pregnant on our own). Then, he wants to put me on BCP for 6 months and see where I'm at after that. If he read up on my history a little bit he'd know that I've already been that route - I cycle while on the pill, every single time. Grrr! I absolutely DID give him a piece of my mind....I'll never go there again, what did I have to lose?

Close friend announced her pg after one month of trying. Yipee for her.

And, my baby brother - who I'm extremely close to - came over to say his "goodbyes" before going to college tomorrow. I love him. More tears.

At what point is crying a cop-out? I need to get it under control somehow. Sad

TTC 7+ years - 3 failed IUI's; not going the IVF route; stopped treatment December 2013.

Became licensed for Foster Care: March 2011
Adoption Finalized: December 2013


LISTEN TO THE MUSN'TS CHILD, LISTEN TO THE DON'TS.
LISTEN TO THE SHOULDN'TS, THE IMPOSSIBLES, THE WONT'S.
LISTEN TO THE NEVER HAVES, THEN LISTEN CLOSE TO ME.
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN, CHILD, ANYTHING CAN BE.
-Shel Silverstein


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Re: If I cry one more tear....(long)

  • armywife76armywife76 member
    I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Sometimes it feels good just to have a good cry instead of leaving all those emotions pent up. Do you think you might be depressed?  IF leads to depression for a lot of people, myself included.  I never took meds until I started having TTTC. Finally weaned off now, but I don't know how I would have made it through the disappointment of the last two years without some help. Hang in there--we're here to listen. ((hugs))
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  • MouseygailMouseygail member

    crying isn't a cop out!!  you have a ton on your plate!!  (and that doc sounds like an insensitive ass!!  sooo glad you told him off!) 

    I once heard that tears that are made from emotion have a different chemical makeup than tears from your eyes watering.  I have never researched that, but I like to think its true and that crying is a true, theraputic shedding of hormones and chemicals that aren't good for us.  (and if you look and find out otherwise, don't tell me!)  

    ((((HUGS!!!))))))

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  • jlcrane78jlcrane78 member
    The trouble with IF is that I think it's hard NOT to cry.  Our hormones are usually playing tricks with us because of one medication or another, and IF can be a really scary and lonely journey.  Don't feel bad for crying.  Then again, I'm a total crier...so maybe I just want to make it ok for myself.  Either way we are here for you.   
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