3rd Trimester

Vent- I'm going to lose it! (Long)

Holy hell!!!

So, back in May DH asked if a friend of his could stay with us for a little bit. I said sure, as I was under the impression this friend was coming to TX for a short visit. It turns out he moved here (from MD) and DH told him he could stay with us until he found a place. I was a little annoyed, but thought whatever...I'm sure he'll be able to find an apt quickly. 

Well that was 3 months ago and he is still here! I am livid! I won't even go into how I think he is a horrible roommate (a small sample: he leaves his dirty q-tips on my coffee table), but my real concern is that he is in the baby's room. I have asked him again and again when he is going to move out, and he keeps telling me he is "trying".

At the beginning of Aug. I finally gave him a Sept. 1st deadline to be out because I wanted him to know I was serious. I told him that we really needed to get the baby's room ready and that I'm in my 3rd trimester now and would really like some private time with DH during these last few months. He said he understood and that he knew he had overstayed his welcome, so I was hopeful.  

Since then I have seen absolutely no effort from him to find a place. (He also doesn't have his own car, so he relies on DH and I 100% for transportation. This is how I know he has not gone to look at apts). DH told me yesterday that they were going to go look at places during their lunch break today, but this morning this roommate decided he is "sick" and is not going to work (this is his 3rd sick day in 2 weeks, if he really is that sick I'm going to have to do a thorough cleansing of that room). 

Does he really think he can find a place and move in, in less than a week? OMG!!! Please help me, what should I do? 

Re: Vent- I'm going to lose it! (Long)

  • Oh wow, that's a tough situation.  Honestly, I think your DH should be talking to him since he is his friend.  You need to sit down and talk with DH and tell him that he needs to have a talk with him about moving out.  You are just going to get more and more stressed out closer it gets to your due date.  Good luck!
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  • that is utterly annoying and rude. i feel so bad for you. maybe you could speak with your DH and have him talk to his friend? i don't have much advice... but he has certainly overstayed his welcome and you have voiced your opinion. you were trying to be nice, but now he is just taking advantage of the situation. 
  • First of all, I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation!  Second-- I think the most crucial step toward resolution is for you and your DH to get on the same page.  You need to talk to your husband, express your concerns, and verify that your husband is in agreement with you (and if he's not, then get him into agreement with you!)  Then, your DH needs to communicate to HIS friend that there is a firm move-out deadline, and enforce it.  You shouldn't have to be the one to do that.  And you certainly don't want your DH undermining you to his friend. 
  • You are a much nicer person than I am, haha. For me, dirty q-tips on the coffee table = GTFO of my house. lol

    The answer to your question as to what you should do is - stick to it!! Get your DH behind you and enforce his Sept. 1st deadline, no matter what. You deserve time to get your baby's room ready and the two of you have been generous enough to him.

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  • I would be all over DH's ass until this guy was out of my life

    And yeah, it sounds like the only way this dude is leaving is if his shiit is on the front lawn.  (Who would want to move away from a place to live, a maid - aka you - and a chauffeur service??)

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  • You need to get your DH to kick that friend of his in the arse and get him moving on before he gets sacked from his job and officially can't move out.
  • imageBecky262:

    I would be all over DH's ass until this guy?was out of my life

    And yeah, it sounds like the only way this dude is leaving is if his shiit is on the front lawn.? (Who would want to move away from a place to live, a maid - aka you - and a chauffeur service??)

    This 100%. ?You need to talk to your DH and he needs to tell his friend that he has to go. ?You've put him up for months and it's time for him to get out. You need to prepare for baby and not have an unwelcome visitor still there!

    He'll probably listen to DH more if DH seriously sets him down and says he has to get out. For all you know, DH could be undermining you and just saying that it'll all be ok until he finds a place, kwim? ?Not in a mean way, just I can see DH doing that. ?"Oh she'll be ok, I'll talk to her, blahblahblah"

    Good Luck! ?

  • That is BULL SH*T!!! ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am fuming for u!!

    That is so gross about the q-tips... I mean.. get a clue dude. Has he even helped u financially for staying there? Talk to DH and let him know that a FIRM GTFO date needs to be set!! He is now taking advantage and obviously does not respect either of you.

  • Bombard him with apartment listings.  Like constantly.  Take him to look if you have to.  That's how I got my BIL out of our place.  I love him to death and he was a considerate guest, but we needed our privacy.  I couldn't imagine letting someone I don't even like stay for long.  You're way more tolerant than I.
  • The guy kind of sounds like a mooch. If he moves out how is he going to get to and from work? I'm sure that's a big thing keeping him at your place. Does he even have money to move anywhere? Once you get a deposit and first months rent in there moving gets pretty pricey. I wouldn't have the heart to kick someone out of my house, but something's got to happen if he's in your baby's room. Is there anyone else in the area who he could possibly stay with?

    Where I live we have these free little booklets at places like Hy-Vee that list all the apartments in the area. Do you have anything like this that you could toss at him so even if he doesn't have a car to get around he could at least be calling the apartments and seeing which ones he likes and can afford.

    GL! This is def not a situation I would want to be in!

  • On september 1st, start moving the baby's stuff into the room. Put together the crib, start hanging up the baby decorations..........he'll get the point!
  • I would be livid too. Talk to DH about it and tell the friend that if he doesn't find an apartment by Sept. 1 then he'll have to find someone else to stay with or get a hotel room. Period. You need this time with DH and to get the room organized and clean (that alone takes a long time). Plus you need your rest and your space. Put your foot down and stay strong. You've been way more than accomodating so don't feel bad if you have to kick him to the curb.

     

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  • imagemariec77:

    That is BULL SH*T!!! ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am fuming for u!!

    That is so gross about the q-tips... I mean.. get a clue dude. Has he even helped u financially for staying there? Talk to DH and let him know that a FIRM GTFO date needs to be set!! He is now taking advantage and obviously does not respect either of you.

    Thanks! Yeah, he is paying rent, but I'd much prefer him out than have the money. 

    I guess yall are right. I need to talk to DH, its just hard because DH is an introvert and has a real hard time with confrontation and being assertive. (He loves to compare me to Carrie from 'King of Queens' because I'm the one who stands up for us if there is a problem). But at this point, I don't know what else I can do.

    Thanks for your advice.

  • imageKandM05:
    On september 1st, start moving the baby's stuff into the room. Put together the crib, start hanging up the baby decorations..........he'll get the point!

    THIS!!!!!

  • Seems like a simple solution to me. If he's not out by Sept. 1, put his stuff on the lawn and change the locks.

    If your DH has an issue with it because he is his friend, please make it clear that real friends do not mooch and impose on others like he has.


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  • imagemariec77:

    imageKandM05:
    On september 1st, start moving the baby's stuff into the room. Put together the crib, start hanging up the baby decorations..........he'll get the point!

    THIS!!!!!

    I agree with this - I was going to suggest moving ALL his stuff into a laundry room or closet or something and tell him he has to sleep on the couch because you're painting LO's room and then start setting up the baby stuff.

    And the suggestion about bombarding him with rental information is good - or instead of having it be lunchtime when he and DH go look at apartments make it EVERY NIGHT after dinner. You can give them a list of 5 places to see every day and make the appointments for them if you have to - maybe go along to make sure they see them. Maybe renting a room in someone's house via Craigslist or someone else at work might be better for him than a whole apartment (cheaper, sometimes furnished, etc). 

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  • imageKandM05:
    On september 1st, start moving the baby's stuff into the room. Put together the crib, start hanging up the baby decorations..........he'll get the point!

    I like this strategy, in addition to talking to your DH

  • Kick his ass out.  He is being beyond ridiculous.  There has to be somewhere else he can stay or he can go to a hotel.  Paying for a place to sleep might make him take apartment hunting a little more seriously.

     I'm really sorry you have to deal with this stress. 

  • What a parasite!  Pack up his sh*t and throw it out on the porch.  It sounds like he's the new baby in the situation.  I would not feel guilty at all for kicking him out.  He's a grown adult and needs to understand that you have a baby on the way and need to get that room ready and put your energy and all of your focus on the baby, not him.  Tell him to deal with it.  Good luck!!!! 
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  • imageKandM05:
    On september 1st, start moving the baby's stuff into the room. Put together the crib, start hanging up the baby decorations..........he'll get the point!

    Ha!  I like this the best.  He'll definitely get the point.

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