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Breastfeeding- I think DH is jealous

thatgirlangthatgirlang
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

With DS1, things did not work out for me to BF. I've been waiting for my "do over." This time, things are going well so far. I am thrilled and DH has been, too.

But this is all so new and different from bottle feeding. With DS1, I pumped for a while and we also used formula. We loved that DH could share in feeding the baby. Once he was a few months old, we literally took turns caring for him at night- DH would get feed him one night, then I the next. A full night's rest for each of us every other night! It was great.

Now, DH is missing that bonding with DS2. He's getting up at night to change him since he can't feed him but of course that's not the same. He screams through the changes and calms down when he gets to me to eat. Last night DH made a comment about how no one else can really hold him. He only wants me and to eat.

I don't think he is jealous in a mean way- but I guess moreso sad. I feel bad for him. I know DS is just a few days old and eventually he'll drink from a bottle but it's hard right now. I think I miss seeing DH feed, too. But at the same time, I don't regret giving BFing another shot. I just didn't expect these feelings!


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Re: Breastfeeding- I think DH is jealous

  • Jackswife123Jackswife123

    It'll get easier for him. ?On thing that helped us was the Moby. ?DH would put him in the Moby when DS napped sometimes. ?Then they could snuggle and feel that closeness that he was missing since he couldn't feed him.

    It's still so early. ?It'll get easier. ??

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  • nuttybunchnuttybunch

    Would you consider pumping for the night feedings? If you BF during the day and let DH help you with the night feedings, not only would he be able to bond with DS2 but YOU would also get more sleep, which is never a bad thing.

    I never BFed, so I don't know much about it. As soon as the nipple confusion risk goes away, would that be something you can do? If you have a plan for that, maybe DH would be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and say, "Ok. In 2 more weeks I can start feeding him at night."

    Good luck!

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  • Soon2BMrsNSoon2BMrsN member

    Congrats on your new addition!

    My DH feels the same way sometimes, I think... it's just part of BFing.  Hopefully you can start pumping within the next few weeks so your DH can give DS a bottle occasionally.

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  • MissesJamesMissesJames member

    My FIL made the same comment last week, that it wasn't fair that DD only wants me and no one else really gets to hold her. Coming from FIL, I replied that yes it was fair being that I was the one who carried her for 9 months and gave birth to her!

    But DH felt the same way in the beginning, so I always made sure to hand DD over to him when she was done eating. That way, he had a chance to bond with her and take care of her. That really helped and now that she's getting older, he's thankful he's not the one that has to feed her at night! We have a special gift to be able to feed our LOs, time-consuming as it may be, I think we deserve it!

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  • SquishycheeksSquishycheeks

    Congrats Ang! He's so cute!

    I know my hubby feels the same way; he told me the other night that he thinks LO hates him lol. I laughed  but then realized that he's honestly sad that he can't soothe her when she needs to nurse. I'm just hoping that things get better as she gets older and he has more of an opportunity to interact with her.

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  • DarcyLongfellowDarcyLongfellow member
    I think my DH has some of the same feelings. He commented a couple weeks ago that he only ever gets to hold DD when she's crying. Part of that is that as soon as she falls asleep he tries to put her in her swing, etc instead of just holding her while she sleeps (which is what I do bc she'll only go in her swing for a couple minutes before screaming!). It's gotten better as DD has gotten a bit older -- she's awake more now (and cooing!) so he has more chances to hold her when she's sweet and awake! Hang in there -- he won't be so tiny and only interested in eating for long!
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  • emathis2emathis2

    Wow this just makes me sad becasue my DH is happy to have no part in any of the "work".  He is happy that I BF and I also do the majority of everything else.  He would NEVER want to wake up at night.  I pump and have him do ONE feeding on Saturday nights so I can get a few extra hours and he complains about it.  Heavily. When he comes home from work I have to practically beg him to take the baby for a few minutes so I can do something without the baby for a minute.  he loves the baby but is just so damn lazy.....AHH... sorry about that vent

    In regards to your problem, I would wait a week or so and then start pumping and your DH can give him some bottles sometimes.  I did that too early and my LO had nipple confusion and we had some very difficult days getting him back to the breast.  Now it is fine and he will do either.  Good luck!

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  • thatgirlangthatgirlang

    Thanks, ladies! I know it will get better soon. It's just weird when you've already experienced things a certain way!

    I will pump eventually but want to make sure we don't have nipple confusion issues (which happened with DS1) first. That will help!

    Also, I can do a better job of giving the baby to DH after he eats. I hold him all the time!


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