Words of encouragement from moms who enjoy working?!?

Taylor11 · August 2009

Hi Ladies! I am newly pregnant and love the fact that we have this board for working moms:) I plan to go back to work after we have our baby. I have the option to stay home, but we would be VERY strapped for cash, not be able to save as much as we need for retirement, college, good lifestyle for our child, etc. I really love what I do, and I have busted my butt over the past 5 yrs to get into my current company and job position. I am in sales w/a home office and pretty small territory. I am at home doing admin work 90% of Fridays, so that makes it very ideal for raising a family. We plan to hire an in home nanny or do a nanny share. I have a close friend who is a SAHM, and she's constantly preaching about how women should be at home w/their babies, insinuating I will be staying home, etc. Let me also say she's in a very rocky/verbally abusive marriage, they live paycheck to paycheck, and her child is very disobedient and out of control. She is basically miserable and probably wants me to revel in her misery with her. However I am trying very hard to let her comments roll off my back.

My whole point is, can some of you ladies who work share with me the things you like about working with a family? I would love to hear what you like/dislike/love/hate so I can prepare myself for the emotions I may encounter throughout all of this! Do you think you made a good decision going back to work? I would love some words of encouragement from you sharp working mamas :O

soccermom-to-be · August 2009

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soccermom-to-be · August 2009

Wow, sorry about the pp, I tried to copy and paste from word and the delete the post and that's what happened. Weird.

I am a working mom who chooses to work so hopefully some of this will be helpful for you.

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I went back to work after 6 months home with DD and it was initially a difficult transition. I felt guilt over leaving DD and thought that I would miss out on too much by not spending every moment with her. It took us a few weeks to get back into a routine/schedule that really worked for us and for me to get back into the work projects that I liked. It was a challenging first month but I was happy to be back at work and DD loved staying with my mom and DH so it was made a lot easier.

We have money to spend on necessities and luxuries and while we are smart about spending, we don't have to scrimp and save every last penny to make the mortgage payment, grocery bills etc. We eat out when we want to, take small trips and most importantly, have some nice savings for college, emergencies, retirement.

I have a lot of SAHM friends and I totally respect their decisions to stay home. That being said, it's not for me. I find that when we are all together the WM's talk about their jobs, their LO's, the state of the world (we all listen to NPR during our commute time) but the SAHM's focus the discussion on their LO's. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but I have other interests and sometimes I need a break from potty training talk. My DH and I also split everything 50/50 so we are both responsible for cleaning, walking the dog and talking care of DD. He supports me if I want to go to yogo or out with friends and vice versa. I honeslty don't see that with my SAHM friends. Their DH's usually don't clean and they don't help out as much with the children.

Sorry that this is so long but I wanted you to know that balance is achievable. It's not always cupcakes and rainbows but the good days outweigh the bad 100/1. Oh, and my DD is one of the happiest, sweetest and most well adjusted kids I know.

Pesky · August 2009

It's nice to have an identity outside of being a mom and a wife. I like that I have clients who are astonished to hear such a different tone in my voice when I speak with my kids (much nicer) and a husband who was astonished to hear me talk with my clients (much harder). It gives me a much needed outlet for my analytic side. And honestly, I love my kids to death but also love having the break that work provides where I get adult-interaction time that is difficult to manage with kids in tow. Like pp, I also like that we have the financial stability being a 2-income family provides. For example, I was able to send some money to my grandparents to help them and if I wasn't working, I wouldn't be able to do that. We are able to afford our 20-30 yr house which we wouldn't have been able to do with just one income. I absolutely know I made the best decision to go back to work because I'm just not a SAHM person. I have the most profound respect and admiration for SAHMs because my maternity leaves have just proven that I'm not the best at that -- I was exhausted and really missed my colleagues and my work. In a perfect world, I would work PT so would get more time with the kids but that's not happening yet (but is my eventual goal by the time DD is 10 and can get into REAL trouble).

Taylor11 · August 2009

Soccer mom that is wonderful! I totally agree with everything you said:) I too respect my SAHM friends, and hope they have the courtesey and self assuredness to support my choice to be a working mother; not make snide or insecure comments. I love the fact that you still have 'you' time and couple time w/your husband, as well as a life outside of your LO

Thanks for sharing, you made my day!!

soccermom-to-be · August 2009

Sorry for the multiple posts. The Nest is being cloogy for me.

I think that in the first year we tend to push 'couple time' to the side but I had a mother that forced us to go out to dinner with DD was about 4 months old. I checked my phone 100 times and tried to enjoy it but man, was it hard. Then we did it again a month later and I let up a bit. Now it's just something we do when we can but we try to get out together once a month and I swear it's made such a difference. We talk about our DD but we also talk about life, our dreams, upcoming vacations and sometimes even work :-)

It's very daunting and overwhelming so I would just say take it one day at a time.

AlisaS · August 2009

I make a good salary, we can do fun things. I don't have to wrack my brains thinking of some crappy WAH job or worry about my future should I divorce or face other unforseen problems. I am self-sufficient.

I have a job I like, my sons have a mother who is an excellent role model and who is educated and happy and fulfilled.

My DH has a lot of respect for me as a mother and as a physician. I have lots to talk about, as does he.

We are a great team and my boys are equally bonded to the two of us.

Daycare, IMO, is much more beneficial than having kids at home alone with a nanny.

The_Jen626 · August 2009

I love being a working Mom. I went crazy being home on maternity leave, I'm not cut out to be a SAHM. I need the interaction and to use my brain and skills to do "work" every day. I also love my job and have a great boss, so I'm sure that helps me. I look forward to going to work. I also love that my DD is in a great daycare, and the woman that watches her is AWESOME and emails me pics at work every day...

I really like that we can go out to eat when we want to, I can get my hair done, shop for anything really...all because of my salary. I could afford to stay home, but I don't want to sacrifice the lifestyle that DH and I like to live. Plus, out of my friends that are MOms, about 1/2 SH and 1/2 work. All the working moms are happy, centered, love life, etc. Only one of my SAHM friends is happy with her life, and smiling everytime I see her.

erbear · August 2009

I ahven;t started back yet (next week) but there was never the idea I would stay home (and we can afford it). I love my job and am much happier working than staying home. Happy mom = happy baby!

mrshutch · August 2009

I've always said that once DD came along, I truly understood the meaning of "I'm a better mom because. . .. " For me, I'm a better mom b/c I work. I'm satisfied b/c I feel productive and like I'm contributing to our household. I feel like my time w/ DD is actually quality time, and I love how much fun she has at daycare. Financially, we have to make the switch to a nanny once DC #2 gets here, but even then, the right nanny can make sure children are stimulated and being socialized w/ other kiddos. DH respects me for being a working mom and I feel that I'm a good role model for DD. Just about all of my friends are SAHM, and we each respect what everyone does. I figure I just need to take it one step at a time, and hopefully I'll be able to continue working. I'm excited to see what happens with my career as my kids get older.

duchess0727 · August 2009

The only SAHMs that act like your friend are the ones who are insecure and defensive about their situation. Most of my friends that stay home are very supportive because I know at one point or another most of them considered working for a variety of reasons or they are just very happy to be able to stay home and understand that not everyone can or wants to.

As for me, even right now, when I'm completely exhausted and stressed out, I still love being a working mom and wouldn't change it for anything.

There are many reasons I love it - I love being a working mom because I feel like I have an opportunity outside of my home to do something really good in the world. I love being a working mom because it allows my husband to work at a job that lets him have dinner with his family and put his kids to bed at night. I love being a working mom because it makes me a better person and a better mom. I love being a working mom because it allows me to give things to my children that I didn't know I would be able to (both material and non-material). I am thankful to work with and for amazing people who allow me flexibility to spend time with my kids and be there when they really need me.

Being working mom is exhausting but amazingly rewarding and I love it!

Taylor11 · August 2009

Thanks for all of your input ladies! It really helps to hear the positive aspects of juggling both work and mommyhood:) I know I will also be a better mother as a working woman--I am just not cut from the cloth of your typical SAHM! I am looking forward to sharing more in the future on these boards!

BoxTer · August 2009

Coming in late without much to really add, but I was a SAHM for a year (job searching for part of that time) and I am much happier being back at work. I like my new job much better than the one I had when I went out on maternity leave, I enjoy using my brain and I like having a part of my life that is just for me. It also makes me feel good to know that I'm contributing to our household - I feel like I have a much better balance in my life now that I'm working. DD is in a great daycare and I know she enjoys it and is learning so much more than she ever would being home with me. I've only been back at work since late June and I really wonder how I made it a year being at home since I'm just not cut out for the SAHM lifestyle (which I predicted even before I had DD, though many people tried to tell me "you'll change your mind.")

Maybride2 · August 2009

Pesky:
It's nice to have an identity outside of being a mom and a wife.

This sums it up really well for me.

I realize that some women are completely content being only a wife and mother. But I'm not one of those women. I love being a wife and mother, but I love my career and working in my profession too.

And of course, I appreciate the lifestyle that 2 incomes affords us. DH and I are not interested in making all of the sacrifies that we'd have to make in order for me to stay home.

krub · August 2009

I'll be honest, it was really hard for me to go back after I had my first DC. But, I gave it a good 12 weeks back at work before making any decisions. I figured it took me 12 weeks to get used to being a SAHM while on maternity leave, I should give it 12 weeks to get used to being a WOHM after returning to work. I think having an open mind helped b/c I was happy to be back after 12 weeks. Being a WOHM was much bigger adjustment for me than becoming a mom was. I've been doing it 4 years now, though, and I wouldn't change a thing. I took 11 weeks off after #2 was born and was out of work for 8 weeks last year and was happy to go back both times. It is what works for our family and I can see that my kids are growing and thriving and that I am still the most important thing in their lives even though I WOH (DH is important too, don't get me wrong). I find that going to work helps me feel balanced in my life, too.

kertybird · August 2009

I love my work, it is super flexible so I was able to slowly come back to work after DD, but then after DS I went right back after about 4 weeks. I typically work M-Th 8:30ish to 2:00ish. DH is home with the kids during the day M and Th (he works nights) and my MIL has them on Tues and Wed (so DH can surf and sleep). We have a pretty awesome set-up which makes it really easy for me to really focus on work and still be home after naptime. I love running my business and it would be really hard for me to give it up to spend a few more hours with the kids. They go down for their naps at 11 and wake up around 1:30, so I only really miss out from 8:30-11. As long as you are not stuck at the office for long hours I think you will really love going back to work!

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