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3rd Trimester
Mom vs MIL vent
My MIL told me and my husband that she WILL be staying with us after the baby is born. Hmm, she didn't want to be a part of our lives till right here at the last second, she didn't even ask if she could, and NO! I want my mom to stay with me cause 1) shes my best friend, 2) shes teaching me how to breastfeed, 3) her and my husband are the only people I'm comfortable to be exposed to, and 4) she has been such a big part of our lives and not a burden like MIL. I e-mailed her and explained that I wanted my mother to stay, and was nice about it. I told her I just didn't feel comfortable with it, that she can come visit, but as an overnight guest I prefer my mother. She took it as me trying to keep the baby from her. Well maybe that should be my intentions, your to wishy washy and stuck on your 2nd oldest kid and your dumb PHD to even remember theres a baby somewhere around. I'm sorry, thats been bottled up. I don't have the heart to be mean or to even let my husband know I'm having issues with her.
This glorious woman was going to my mom to find out whats going on in her sons life. Then when my mom approached her, MIL e-mails me getting on to me for going to my mom and using her as a 3rd party. After I nicely told her thats not fair, she deletes me and mom off her facebook. That was a favor for me in all honesty. But now she's back to texting me and my husband at 1 in the morning or when she knows we are asleep over a stupid dog and its toy or about the baby. I wanna explode.
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Re: Mom vs MIL vent
This exactly. There is no way ANYONE (my mom included) is going to tell me that they ARE staying at my house after baby is born. It's up to you to decide if and who you want to stay.
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sorry to pick at one thing-- but seriously, she DELETED YOU OFF HER FACEBOOK?!?!?!??!?! i wouldn't even dream of (if my mom knew how to use it) adding my mom onto my facebook. but to delete you and your mom is childish.?
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but in general, most MIL's can act crazy. My MIL thinks IM the one pregnant and i can't even tell her that i'm using a surrogate because she wouldn't understand and wouldn't consider the baby part of the family bc she'll think its alien (thats what i get for marrying into an old-fashioned european family...also she's my hubby's step mom, so its not even related to her...). i feel for you with crazy MIL stuff. i really do. i'm even dealing with regular mom craziness.
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i think if you feel more comfortable with your mom moving in, then tell MIL. tell MIL that she can visit the baby whenever she wants, thats not a problem (but not unannounced, obviously). but that you'd feel more comfortable with YOUR OWN MOM! which is completely understandable. ?
I talked to DH about it, he understands completely. My only set back making him handle it is that he works 4 days in another town then comes home for 4 days. I didn't want to bring extra stress while hes working and today is his first day home. We just talked a bit about it earlier, like 2 hours ago. He agreed to let her know basically what I've already told her. I didn't tell him about her getting childish with facebook or her getting on to me for talking to my mom about issues I was having. I have a feeling that he's gonna see soon that she's acting like a child.
Is it weird that I feel like I'm competing with her for my husband? She's been trying really hard since all this happened to talk to him and take only him to lunch... I don't feel threatened, just disgusted. Why can't she get a job in some 3rd world country were they don't have cell or internet reception??!!
Sorry, this keeps me up at night, on top of sharp baby movements and braxton hicks.......and her stupid calls and text
sounds as crazy as my MIL. I pre-warned her that I do not want her nor her husband (who she cant go anywhere without) in the room while im breast feeding in the hospital. She sees nothing wrong with watching someone else breast feeding bc its natural...true...BUT...no one wants their MIL looking or commenting on their breasts or their breastfeeding technique. Shes a little pushy about it too. While we were on the subject, she also mentioned that she used to breastfeed at the dinner table during holidays (when the extended family is visiting along with friends of family) and that she breastfed my DH before bed until he was FOUR (which grossed me out).
this is my first baby and I feel a little reserved when it comes to breast feeding. I want to do it without an audience of relatitives to start. I dont think i would feel comfortable with my MIL staying overnight while DH and I are adjusting to having a baby in the home.
Pretty much what the other ladies have said...and your DH is the best person to deal with MIL, but I have to say, there are times where you just have to do it yourself to get the point across.
And I'm so with you and some of the others about not wanting to BF in front of MIL. Gah, I am DREADING dealing with my in-laws when it comes to this - she didn't BF DH, so has no farking clue about how hard it can be, how long it can take, none of it. And she is already upset about the fact that I'm not physically going back to work after my LO is born (I'm WAH) - sorry lady, but if I'm going to EBF, then you're just going to have to deal with the fact that you're not getting alone time for a long time.
I feel like this sometimes, and it's not weird. My DH is great, and my MIL ranges from intolerable to okay to really great. It's very hard to keep track. When we first got married and moved into our own home it was really bad. She was there all the time. We gave the ILs a key for emergencies but she kept using it to let herself in while we were at work (creepy, I know). She would do our dishes (we're out of the house from 4:30am-6:00pm every day so sometimes they get left over night, and we didn't have a dishwasher in the beginning), or buy us all kinds of decor stuff (drapes/mirrors/art work/lamps) to show how great she was. It was very threatening for a new wife. I felt like she was trying to show him what he was missing, or that I would never be as good a wife/mother as her.
Needless to say - key privileges have been revoked and every item returned. I imagine though that there are going to be a whole heap of new issues when LO gets here. Thankfully they live only 20 minutes away so there is no need for her to stay over - EVER.
GL!
heres the fun part, she lives here in town too!! another reason its stupid for her to stay!