How many kids do you have/want?

howleyshell · August 2009

We're struggling with the contemplation of attempting to have another and I'd love to hear your thought processes on it.

I'm really really torn.Emotionally I would LOVE another. I just don't feel "done" yet.Logically I know that it would be tough. Financially it would strain us. It would stretch our already thin time even thinner. The cost would be paid by every member of our family.I somehow don't think my heart and my head will ever come to an agreement.So.... if you have or are contemplating a 3rd - or have one and would like to share your experiences.... I'm all ears.

I think we're going to try to make this decision "final" within the next month or 2.

TIA

Shell

Puckchick07 · August 2009

I want two, but am not sure yet if I will try to or not. If I do, I want to wait at least a year before even contemplating ttc.

KGsky · August 2009

Right now we have one and one on the way. I was really happy with one and would have been fine with just her, but DH wants 5. Um, we're not having 5. But I knew we'd definitely be having more than one. Ideally, I'd say 3 (crosses fingers for twins LOL). I will wait a few years for #3, however (after my 40th--we can get pg after me and my girls hit Las Vegas). For me that's only 2 years after DC #2 (if all goes as planned). I think that's close enough (3 years or so). But if it's looking like 5 years between #2 and #3, I might be conned into a 4th so that #3 doesn't grow up alone. I guess my perspective is a little off because we have a history of late babies in my family. My sister's youngest came when she was 43, my mom had me at 39, my dad's mom had him in her 30's (which was old maid time back then!)

SuzP · August 2009

We had planned on having three. I got a BFP on my 40th birthday last year, which turned into a partial molar pregnancy that ended up involving chemo.

All of that to say TTC #3 is on hold until April of next year since I have to wait one year past my last chemo. I am so torn on what to do, I really love the idea of a third, had always planned on a third. But now that I'll be 41 before we can even try again, I'm just not sure. Everytime I think I'm done and content, I get the feeling that I'm not ready to be done. DH still wants a third, but will be ok with whatever I decide.

I know this probably isn't a lot of help, I just wanted to let you know I can empathize with where you are at.

stever · August 2009

Have one, want two or three.Would be more than fine if our perfect little boy was our only.

No big thought process. I'm an only, DH has a sister and we're cool with going either way from a family building standpoint.

We are relatively well-off financially, but would probably only be able to put one kid all the way through college. That said, I'm the only one of my friends from college who didn't need loans and jobs to get through, so I don't think it's the end of the world if my kids need to work at a coffee shop so we can help out their siblings with their education too.

Good luck with your decision!

rsd12 · August 2009

We have 2 boys already that are 3 1/2 & 20 months & expecting our third in about a month - a little sooner than we planned, but we are so excited!!!!!

For me I knew that I was not done... & my husband & I agreed that we never wanted to regret not having the third. But the agreement was that had to happen without any intervention (i.e. Clomid). Which is why we were surprised it happened so quickly after I stopped nursing ; )

Financially it does not make sense, but we will figure it out. I was laid off from my job right before my 2nd was born & so we also decided this is the best timing since I may go back to school to change my career path.

I am pretty sure we are done - I really do want to get out of diapers & enjoy my children (which is hard when I am miserable pregnant)! But I can never say never, but I would wait 3-4 years if we ever had a 4th & by then I figure I will feel too old ; )

Pesky · August 2009

Here are some links about the same discussion:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/04/AR2008040403217.html

https://www.havingthreekids.com/havingthreekids.html

We're having the same debate. Right now it is impossible to imagine simply because we're just beginning to even imagine life beyond the incredibly draining and needy newborn phase. We have said we will discuss the beginning of next year. And honestly, I don't know what the answer is either. Like you, financially it is difficult at best. Our DC expenses would exceed our mortgage. And not by a little -- by a lot. Everyone has said that the work increases exponentially with 3 as does the stress and chaos (on the plus side, people do agree that after 3, you can have as many as you want and the work load, stress, etc. doesn't really increase). For me, that's huge because I'm struggling now with the demands of my job and caring for the kids, oftentimes alone thanks to DH's travel schedule. If DH didn't travel or did so infrequently, I think the analysis for me would be different. But bearing the load alone is very hard. Especially as the kids seem to get sick when DH is OOT and seem to somehow conspire to wake up during the middle of the night at the exact same time. I too imagine another little one coming along, seeing another baby, watching my current baby look upon his little brother or sister and interacting. DH and I both came from families of 3 so it's hard not to imagine that. But I also imagine how easy it would be to travel or go to a restaurant or a theme park with 2 -- no one is left out, no one is squished into a bench or seats designed for 2 but trying to accommodate 3. Finances would be easier, that's for sure. So in short, I don't know. I am already wrestling with the same dilemma. What's interesting is that I would say that out of several families of 3 I have talked to, about 70% advised us to stop at 2 kids. Still doesn't answer my own internal questions about a 3rd but it's interesting to say the least.

mrskadams · August 2009

We have 3, and I'm done. However, my situation may be a little different. I was 28 when I had my twin boys. They're awesome, but I knew in my heart I wasn't done. I really wanted one more baby and was hoping for a girl. I separated from my husband when they were 3 months old, and it took me 9 years to find someone wonderful. We married when I was 39 and were pregnant 6 months later. I now have my perfect little family. I would love to have more babies just because I like having them, but I know we can't afford it. Also, my doctors have told me to not have any more kids due to serious bp issues.

I'd say if you really feel like you want another, then go for it.

busybea · August 2009

I grew up an only child and lived far away from my friends and knew since I was little that I wanted at least 2, DH grew up with a brother 15yrs his senior and he said he didn't mind one way or the other. We're going to try after the Holidays and see where that goes, but since it took us almost 3yrs to conceive LO, we'd be perfectly happy with just LO.

Moiselle · August 2009

8

peeper72 · August 2009

We'd love at least one more. We're planning to wait until DH is in fellowship so that there is the glimmer of a real salary just around the corner. By then I'll be 39. Unless we have twins I don't think there will be time for me to have a third.

NoelleHansen · August 2009

I have 3 and would love 1 more..... at least. I don't feel "done", but I know another one might not happen. DH and I haven't talked about it yet. I wanted to wait until Maddie was born and everything calmed down. We'll be having that convo soon.

fIowerchild · August 2009

I'm growing my second now. This pregnancy has been so great that I am considering a third. I think three kids would be a lot of fun.

serrill2 · August 2009

We are on baby number 3 right now. I don't think there will be time to have another after that as I will be 44 when this one is two. It took a few years for a successful one this time. So probably this is my last one.

robynlesley · August 2009

It's strange to be saying this with only an 11-day-old baby?but we're done. I don't think I can handle another, to be quite honest. Both physically and financially. Aaron will be an only child.

I feel a bit guilty about that?since most onlies I know say they wish they'd had a sibling?but we can barely afford to take care of Aaron and unless we win the lottery, another child would put us into further debt that we'll never get out of.

I hope that Aaron understands this one day.

jlw2505 · August 2009

DH and I both always wanted 2 and we have our two now (1 1/2 and 3) and I got my tubes tied. It was never a hard decision for us luckily.

M.Amy · August 2009

robynlesley:
I feel a bit guilty about that?since most onlies I know say they wish they'd had a sibling?but we can barely afford to take care of Aaron and unless we win the lottery, another child would put us into further debt that we'll never get out of.
I hope that Aaron understands this one day.

If it makes you feel better DH loved being an only child and I wish I was an only child - so there are two right there for you that are pro-only child.

Since DS was not planned we are stopping at one. I agree with Robyn - I could not imagine having two children. I plan on spoiling this one rotten!!

Artslvr · August 2009

I 100% could have not only written this OP, but Pesky's response (I also see, Pesky, that you and I have kids about the same distance apart agewise). Sorry to totally hijack your response, but...

Pesky:

We're having the same debate. Right now it is impossible to imagine simply because we're just beginning to even imagine life beyond the incredibly draining and needy newborn phase. We have said we will discuss the beginning of next year. And honestly, I don't know what the answer is either. Like you, financially it is difficult at best. Our DC expenses would exceed our mortgage. And not by a little -- by a lot.

YES - three in daycare is a huge consideration/barrier for us right now.

Pesky:

Everyone has said that the work increases exponentially with 3 as does the stress and chaos

This scares me too.

Pesky:

For me, that's huge because I'm struggling now with the demands of my job and caring for the kids, oftentimes alone thanks to DH's travel schedule. If DH didn't travel or did so infrequently, I think the analysis for me would be different. But bearing the load alone is very hard.

Yes yes yes. In fact my DH doesn't travel that often for work at all, but when he does, it's tough to handle the two by myself, esp. after working all day.

Pesky:

I too imagine another little one coming along, seeing another baby, watching my current baby look upon his little brother or sister and interacting. DH and I both came from families of 3 so it's hard not to imagine that.

Again, same boat - I'm one of three, DH is one of four. We always talked about having at least three.

Pesky:

So in short, I don't know.

Totally.

Pesky:

What's interesting is that I would say that out of several families of 3 I have talked to, about 70% advised us to stop at 2 kids.

Interesting, most people who advise me not to have three are people who only have two - they try to convert me to "only two"dom.

Artslvr · August 2009

Sorry, that made for a long post... but this is really hitting home with me right now. If we try for #3 it will be in about six months.

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