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Reassure me! DC One day a week - LONG
In advance - sorry that this is a long one! I am a wordy girl...
So DD is 13 months and beyond wonderful. She doesn't have many opportunities to interact with other babies except for a friend of mine's son, Evan. I have been lucky enough to work at home with her 3 days a week, and have my parents/in laws with her the other days.
Well, I'm starting a new job in 2 weeks, and need 5 day a week care of her. My parents offered up 3 days a week, and my in laws 1-2 days, but grumbled a little bit about it. My parents insinuated - not said straight out but insinuated - that they watch her a lot. This is the absolute opposite from what I ever wanted to happen - I never wanted to be "that mom" who never is with her baby and is always dropping off at the grandparents'. DD loooooves her grandparents, both sets, and the feeling is mutual.
DH and I have come to the conclusion that it may benefit DD if we do DC one day a week with a private babysitter. My good friend, Evan's mommy, uses this DC 5 days a week and LOVES it - Evan has been going there since he was 2 months old (he's 15 months). DD knows Evan, so he would be a friendly face to her. My friend trusts this DC and is very pleased with her, and I trust her opinion.
We're going to check out the place on Monday with DD. I'm just....nervous. I hate seeing DD cry and she is going through a separation anxiety thing right now...and leaving her alone at DC, even just once a week, is going to break my heart. Logically, I KNOW it's a good idea to get her interacting with other children her age (the DC has 2 other babies her age, and 2 older kids) and with people other than family. Plus it frees up both sets of grandparents to "live their lives" and only have the baby 1-2 days each a week.
So if logically this is all true...why do I feel so sh!tty about it?!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Reassure me! DC One day a week - LONG
Normal to feel guilty. Unfortunately, there are those of us out there who have to work, for instance, I'm the bread winner....as much as I hate it, cutting my salary would cut us off at the knees.
First, you just have to do it. It sucks, you feel guilty, its not the best feeling in the world, but you just do it.
Second, you'll be amazed at how much she changes, what she'll learn, and eventually how much she'll love it!
Third, make if fun for her!!! Interact with her teachers and be sure that she sees that you trust them. I can't just take my DC's and dump them off, I'd rather linger and get involved and show them that I like where they are and who they are with. That helps them feel more comfy.
There is no easy way, but relying on the Grands has always made things worse for me. I get the guilt trip from them and its just easier to have our own routine.
Good luck
I guess feeling guilty is normal but if it's one day a week and you know it's a good place based on your friend's experience, I would think things would be fine.
I would prepare for a tough few first weeks since a) there is usually some adjustment for any child and b) you are only sending LO one day a week so the adjustment may take longer until they get used to it.
It's important to remember that they will make it through and you're doing the right thing for your family. My DD loves daycare to the point where she asks to go on the weekends but the first three weeks were a bit tough while she got used to it.
I've noticed that transitions of any sort for a baby is always ALWAYS much harder on the mom than the child. My DC goes to daycare 5 days a week and at first I was just anxious for her. But now a little over a year down the track (she's 18 months) I really feel its the best for her. She has such great teachers, does all these cool activities (songs, story time, paints, draws, water play, playground, music, art etc) that I would never do with her and she loves it! I know she's super happy and so am I.
To be honest with you I am super glad she is at her daycare and we call it "school" because its really a great social and educational experience for her. I wouldnt trade the positive experiences she's had at school with anything!
I say, don't lay DD on your family while you're at work. They've already raised their kids and probably don't want to raise another, I know I wouldn't want to keep my grandkids 8-10hrs a day, its tiring!
Put her in daycare. Look around, find one you like. But don't be to picky, I mean be picky, but not overly protective or picky. Kids are adaptable. DD has been in daycare since she was 6wks old at the same palce. She loves it, she's so smart! Instead of sitting at home all day shes at daycare learning things. shes 24mo and knows all her colors, is starting to count, can speak in clear sentences, I give all the credit to her awesome daycare and caretakers. PLUS, getting your kid around other kids is good for them!! They learn socail skills, make friends, learn things faster especially when they first get into the next age group room where alot of the kids are older, DD picked up so quick on walking, talking, ETC....I honestly think that keeping a child isolated with family and friends stunts their learning potential. My neighbor is currently a SAHM, before that she was a nurse and DS stayed with grandparents all day, her son is 16 mo old and doesn't talk. Doesn't do alot of the things my DD was doing at that age, and I know every kid is different, but I truly believe if he was in a daycare center with other kids all day long, he'd be much more on track than he is.
Once again, don't depend on your family to care for DD, it already sounds like they're annoyed by it. daycare isn't bad, and kids get used to it.
My honest advice (more of a warning) is that your DD may have a hard time adjusting if she only goes once a week. My DCP takes kids 5 days/week, 3 days/week, or 2 days/week, and she's told me that kids who only go twice a week take a long time to adjust. They don't get a chance to get used to it. I think this will make it harder for all of you. Also, if the g-parents are already hinting that you're wearing out your welcome I'd say it's time to look elsewhere.
My DD goes to daycare Mon-Fri and she loves it.
Yea, I agree. One day a week will be tough on your kid. Why not do it more often? Your parents and ILs will be happier and won't feel like you are using them for free childcare, your child will be happier going to daycare more often, and voila.....problem solved.
ITA -- especially at your DC's age. I found transitions from classroom to classroom very hard for her at that age and with newcomers to DC, it was VERY hard. So first, be patient through the transition adn expect crying and screaming and second, send her more frequently to get her used to it. It'll help. DD loves her DC and yep, goes M-F too.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
It doesn't help that my mom is so anti-DC - my sis and I were raised by our grandparents while my parents were working, so I guess it's that mentality. Logically, my brain thinks this is a great idea, and she gets to interact with other kids. Emotionally, well, my emotional mind is crazy ;-)
To PP, we are debating over doing the 2 days a week thing with DC also - to ease the transition and to give DD more time with those her age. Right now the daycare lady wants to do a trial period, since it's just her with 5 kids, to see if she can even handle DD.
Thanks guys...you all really eased my fears and made me feel more confident in my decision!