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Switching to family caretaker?

salvatore06salvatore06
in Working Moms

I have a dilemma. My DD, who is 9 months old, has been in an in-home daycare since she was 3 months old. While I have had some issues with my daycare provider, I have never doubted that my daughter was safe or well cared for. Most of my issues (which I have posted before) have stemmed from my DCP's miscellaneous comments (i.e., "why is she doing this? why is she doing that"?) that as a first-time mom, really rubbed me the wrong way. I have even gone so far as to continuously interview other DCP's just to always be prepared, but have never found one that I felt was really worth the disruption of taking her out of her current situation. My DD has bonded to this woman, and although it used to drive my husband nuts that she would take the kids out places, there is definately a benefit to this socialization and activity now that she is a bit older.

My SIL recently had her second child (her older son is 2 3/4 years old). She wants to be a SAHM and care for my daughter, too. While I absolutely trust my SIL, my main concern is that she is either going to decide that she doesn't like staying at home, or she will have financial difficulty doing so, or her husband will lose his job and she will have to return to work fairly quickly. That would put us in a bind since 1) daycare for infants is hard to find and 2) I want my daughter to have consistency and not being moved all over the place.

 My SIL smokes although not in the house (which is a deal-breaker). While I like the idea of my DD being close to her cousins, I am not sure my SIL can maintain the same variety of children and activities that my DCP can. Also, my DCP is state regulated and has the home food program. Lastly, if I have another child, I want them to be together. Although I know nothing is guaranteed and my DCP could just as easily decide to not to it anymore, that would be relying on my SIL for possibly 7-8 years.

If you have a family member watch your DC, how has it been? My biggest concern of all is that again, while I totally trust her, if something happens, this is still a business relationship (I'd be paying her) and I am afraid it could be difficult to separate this from the fact that she is my husband's sister. I would hate to see that relationship suffer. But again, I was angry day after day after day, in the beginning, about my DCP. I'm stuck!!

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Re: Switching to family caretaker?

  • AlisaSAlisaS member
    For all the reasons you listed, don't do it. I would never send my kids to be cared for by some SAHM whose only interest in watching my kids was getting out of going to work.
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  • ai&Jasai&Jas member

    My first question would be-- are you still angry at your DCP? Have you had a friendly heart to heart discussion with her about how you feel when she questions your DD because frankly every child is different and heck- Im sure sometimes you dont even know why your child is doing something...

    I personally would not have your SIL watch your DC because of the reasons you listed. If smoking is a deal breaker then you;ve pretty much made up your mind. The fact that you're unsure if she will want to do this until she's bored or wants to return to work is another. If looking for a reliable DCP is hard to do then I wouldnt want to take the risk of having your SIL look after your DD and then you having to go back to square 1 again. Plus she'll have her son, a new born and your daughter to look after; and so i would worry about the amount of quality activities/care she could give to all 3 kids.

    I'd probably keep looking for someone else or talk to your DCP to see if things can improve for you in your current position. 

     

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  • yellowcaryellowcar

    I can't get past the SIL smoking.  Sorry.  There is so much research on the effects of 3rd hand smoke, i.e. the stuff on her clothes, etc.  Are you saying that she will go outside to smoke during the day when your DC is there?  Simply smoking outside isn't good enough for me.

    I would look at your DD and see how she is developing.  Is she thriving, and happy?  I would keep her where she is.  No?  Then I would look for somewhere else, with a non-relative.

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  • Maybride2Maybride2 member

    I wouldn't entertain this idea for even a minute more. 

    Leaving your child with a relative who smokes and who wants to try out being a SAHM for awhile to see how it goes just sounds like a huge family fight waiting to happen.

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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    Your DD can be close to her cousins w/o being in daycare w/ them! Also- an experience I had w/ one babysitter led my DH and I to decide we will NEVER have DS go to a nanny/sitter who is also watching their own child. Nothing went wrong, per se, but it was very clear that this woman's son would always come first - no matter what. I want a DCP who is going to treat the kids the same.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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