Looking for advice from the experienced ladies...
enkeli224
member
Hey girls, 
I'm still strictly a nestie, but I've been browsing the bump for a few weeks.
Looking for advice from those who've been through it all!
My DH is totally ready -- when you mention a biological clock ticking? THAT is my husband. If you stand close to him you can darn near hear him ticking.
I, on the other hand, am totally and completely terrified. Not so much of being a parent (ironically enough) but moreso of being pregnant, childbirth, and basically the first 4 months of life. I just totally don't feel comfortable with anything younger than 4 months.
These seem like relatively trivial things in the long run, but they're basically my roadblock to telling DH we can go ahead.
Is there anything I can do to way-lay these issues? Or are they the kind of thing you just have to suck up and move forward with?
(You can be hard on me, it's fine LOL)
ETA: OMG, the avatar over here is a pregnant woman! I never noticed since I never posted....
Re: Looking for advice from the experienced ladies...
I cannot speak for the other ladies but I found being pregnant wonderful. I loved experiencing it. The idea of another human growing inside you freaked me out at first, but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I did everything in my power to protect that little human being.
You see the heart beat for the first time is amazing. There are down sides to being pregnant, but everyone is different. Some people have amazing pregnancies and never experience any of the down sides, that was me until about 25 weeks when my blood pressure spiked.
I had a c-section and the recovery was relatively easy for me, but then again my son was in the NICU and I was more focused on him.
The first several months go by so fast and in such a sleep deprived blur that before you know it your baby is 4 months old and doing the most wonderful things.
I would say if you really want a child and it is the fear of the unknown (i.e. being pregnant), suck it up and move forward. If it is more you are not sure you want children, then stop, discuss and see where you stand.
Hope that helps.
I'm currently in my 3rd pregnancy. My husband and I started very VERY young, and were lucky enough to have things work out this far for us (take that statistics!) with my first pregnancy I was terrified about everything (i was 17), and even wanted a c-section b/c I was so scared of labor. As my pregnancy progressed I got more comfortable and excited about the changes my body was making , and as it got closer and closer to the due date i stressed more and more about labor but had wonderful drs that helped me thru the stress and fears I was having. (I recommend Partner's in Woman's Healthcare to EVERYONE!) Once the internal clock told me it was time my mind switched from scared to death to let's go already. Labor and Delievery I can honestly tell you I don't remember the pain, or any of the "bad" parts, they placed my daughter on me and it all went out the window...ALL OF IT. The first 4 months also scared me but now i look back on both children and it was my favorite time, and a part of the reason that i wanted to have a third.
It's scarey even when you are pregnant to think about the changes that will take place not only to your body but your relationship as well. Yeah i miss the beach every weekend like when we were just dating, but the pool trips, picnics in the back yard, and movie nights could never take a second place to anything.
Talk to your husband about the fears you are having, his reassurance is vital to your feelings of having a child. Millions of women have had children and millions more will have children, it can't be all that bad!
Good luck to you on whatever you decide is best for you and your family.
I could have written your post. I was never into kids, never felt like I needed to be a mother, didn't like holding babies, etc. In fact, that cute little guy pictured below is the first baby I've ever held. I was so afraid of them, never held my friends' newborns etc. My line was that you were allowed to break your own baby, but it was frowned upon to break someone else's baby. As you can see, I didn't even break my own! (yet)
As for the pregnancy, childbirth, etc., I was less afraid of that than of the actual babyhood. And while I don't want to scare you, I did have an awful pregnancy. But I think that life gives you challenges to make you see how much you want something. It took us 9 months to conceive, and in that time, I realized the disappointment of getting a negative pregnancy test, and the happiness of a positive one. And with the horrible pregnancy, I found myself totally worrying about keeping that baby inside, keeping him safe and doing the best I could for him.
So when he finally arrived I really appreciated everything we went through to get him. He wasn't an easy baby either, but you just deal with stuff like that because you're meant to.
So if you think you might be ready, and you know DH is ready, maybe it is time to start trying. But before you do, make sure that you and DH are truly a team on this. Having a baby, and a toddler too, is absolutely a team sport. You need to know that he can handle late night feedings, even when he has to work. That he can chase a toddler to give you a break. I'm sure you've already considered that, but it's more important than you can know beforehand!
Good luck!
Thanks ladies. I'm fine with having kids -- that isn't really the issue. It's the logistics that freak me out
But you guys are helpful -- and you've echoed basically what I'm thinking. I'm being a pansy. hehe
rltthomas - any hindsight advice for those of us who've never held a baby/changed a diaper, etc? lol
I'm definately in that boat.
My advice? Take advantage of the nurses in the hospital. We had signed up for the baby care class through the hospital, but I was on hospital bedrest and missed it. I was totally freaked out, thinking that I didn't know how to hold a baby, much less give a bath, change a diaper, take his temp or dress him! But the nurses in the hospital show you all of that. In fact, at Harrisburg they give you a checklist of everything that the nurses should show you before you leave - cord care, diaper, bathing, etc. and you can just ask them to show you (sometimes multiple times, like I had to for swaddling!). I think that's better than the class because it's an actual baby - your own - that you can learn on.
And the Bump was great too. Still is. Great advice for when to start solids, which ones to start, great sales on baby stuff, great products, etc. Between the nurses at first and the Bump once home, I think I did great for a complete novice!
We did make it to our breastfeeding class and that was very helpful. For me, it was just helpful to learn enough and decide that it was something I wanted to try- I was on the fence on that and the advice and materials were great.