NBR-Headed for divorce (long)

OhioBobcat · August 2009

It took DH only ONCE to threaten divorce to me and I didn't hesitate to start packing my bags. I needed him to know that under NO circumstances was it okay to use it as leverage in an argument or out of anger because I would absolutely NEVER consider using it against him. To be honest, you're pretty lucky that this is the first time he has used it back against you because my husband was in tears over the fact that I took words he said out of anger and frustration so seriously.

Like others on here have said...counseling sounds like it could help work out some of the little things that irritate you both.

Ultimately it all boils down to communication and compromise. True, pregnancy hormones play a huge role in emotions, but at the same time, we all need to accept responsibility for our admitted faults. (DH and I both are also quite lazy and often discuss what needs to change to fix it.) If we know of things that are a problem, then why not work to change them since we are in control of our own actions?

I do hope you can find something that works for you as well. x

Gracey_Manor Maid · August 2009

Jengle77:
Trust me. I know that throwing out speration and divorce is a cowardly thing to do. I think I just don't know how to fight fair, so I automatically go down that road. It is easier for me to think about getting out than it is to change things. I know I need to change. And he has admitted that he can do more to show affection. I mentioned counseling and I think he is open to it. I am just embarrased that we need it after only 2 years of marriage. But if it means saving my marriage, I will do anything. We just had this fight last night and we usually talk things through in a day or so. I am hoping that tonight we can talk level headed and go from there. Thanks for all of your thoughts!

DH and have done counseling of and on since we have been together. Do not be embarresed. Being in counseling means you want to make it work love each other and are not willing to give up.

As far as compramise goes how much are you willing to change? I get wanting to veg out...I do. I am a SAHM and there are nights when DH gets home that it looks like I did nothing all day. laundry not washed toys all over the living room and dinner not reallt done. I could very easily spend the whole day playing with the four year old...but I don't. Abnd when all the kids are asleep I force myself to make sure the kitchen is clean and laundry is folded and put away. It is something I loath but that I have to do.

You can't expect him to even attempt to change if you aren't either. but do baby steps. start out by putting clothes away immedietly.

GL!

armourall · August 2009

Jengle77:
Trust me. I know that throwing out speration and divorce is a cowardly thing to do. I think I just don't know how to fight fair, so I automatically go down that road. It is easier for me to think about getting out than it is to change things. I know I need to change. And he has admitted that he can do more to show affection. I mentioned counseling and I think he is open to it. I am just embarrased that we need it after only 2 years of marriage. But if it means saving my marriage, I will do anything. We just had this fight last night and we usually talk things through in a day or so. I am hoping that tonight we can talk level headed and go from there. Thanks for all of your thoughts!

Do not be embarrased, I was embarrased that after only 4 months of marriage I was seriously considering sepeartion. Because I was so embarrased I put it off, DH refused to go to couseling or get help for his illness, eventually we did seperate and it sounds funny but it fixed our marriage. DH got help forhimself and I learned how to take care of myself. Go to couseling now, while you still have a love and marriage that you both want to save. Don't be embarrased to do what's right for your marriage.

jordans_wife · August 2009

this is late so i hope you will still see it but i highly recommend - the proper feeding and caring of a marrige- by dr. laura. some will not agree with her she can be a bit harsh but she is the absolute best at making you see your own selfishness at times and how you can do little things to change. the best part is when you are the one to "cave" and give up your ego and make the first gestures he WILL reciprocate! you will see. it doesnt at all sound to me like you guys need a divorce. it sounds like common issues most couples face. my mom got me this book right before my marrige and whenever i feel like you i sit down and go over it. i think you would really like it.

Married2MrWright · August 2009

Two words. Marital counseling. ASAP. Sounds like you both need to work on meeting in the middle somehow...for the sake of your marriage.

photofilly · August 2009

ok, I'm so in your boat it's not even funny. My husband and I have the exact same issues. We are not at this point in our fighting at the moment, but have been in the not so past past. I'm sure you already realize that threatening divorce is a huge no no, so I won't harp. I know this too, but sometimes in the heat of the moment it doesn't keep it from flying.

So on to what to do.....I totaly agree with the other posters about the 5 Love Languages book. I also agree with counseling. Preferably a faith based counselor if you belong to a certain faith, otherwise a counselor known to try and avoid divorce at all costs. The other advise I have is going to sound a litle strange maybe. It is called the True Colors Personality Test. If you want to message me personaly, I will send you all my info and directions on how to take it. This has been the best tool for my husband and I. It helps you to understand each other and yourself. The things that tick you off about your spouse and they just don't get why?....now you'll both understand. You just can't take it to the extreem and use it to manipulate one another. It's ment to help you understand each other so you can grow not tear each other down more. The four colors are Blue, Gold, Green and Orange. My guess is you might be a Blue-Orange and he might be Gold-Green or Gold-Blue. E-mail me if you'd like. ascott@ctbonline.com

Luv-a-Bug · August 2009

Yeah there has to be a little give and take in relationships. I'd say try counseling if you guys feel you're stuck.

Also, jumping straight to threats of divorce isn't exactly healthy. Counseling can help you learn to "fight fair".

pandagirl15 · August 2009

I was always told that marriage isn't 50/50, it's 100/100. You both need to give it more. Counseling will definitely help you see that. And find some things to do together that you both enjoy.

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NBR-Headed for divorce (long)

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