natural childbirth-telling friends

sstar1308 · August 2009

So i have decided that i would really like to have a natural birth. i have done lots of research and i think this is the best option for me. But, when friends ask me if i am going to have a epidural and i say no, they just act like i am crazy! I am not going to change my mind but why do people have to be so judgemental? I am not judging them on using a epridural. Now i feel like i have to hide what i am doing, what do you guys think?

kaay16 · August 2009

I plan to do a natural/water birth and people think I'm out of my mind....I could care less what people think, in one ear.......and right out the other!! Stick out tongue

Jennicap · August 2009

My sister gave me a huge lecture on not thinking less of myself if I have to get the drugs and I sit there and go but most likely I won't be getting them so what does it matter. they don't understand. Even my BFF, she got an epi and said it was really painful and I said but you didn't take any classes to learn how to deal with labor so why do you expect to know how to do it without assistance?

beanie00914 · August 2009

kaay16:
I plan to do a natural/water birth and people think I'm out of my mind....I could care less what people think, in one ear.......and right out the other!!

I would love to do this. Im looking into places that can help me to make it real.

robinsokj · August 2009

I havent quite decided what I want yet but to each their own. Why should I care how someone else decides to give birth?

MFalor · August 2009

Well, they may just be reacting to what they perceive as naivity on your part. Instead of saying definitively, "I'm not getting an epidural" try something more like, "I'd like to go as long as possible without one". There's nothing wrong with using different techniques for pain management -- even within a hospital setting they encourage you to be in charge of your labor. You don't know what it's going to be like and who knows, you could change your mind - do you really want anyone coming up to you saying "I told you so"??

sstar1308 · August 2009

I really like the hypnobirthing. Anyone going to do that??

Aliliv · August 2009

Don`t hide what you hope will happen in your childbirth! With my first I wanted to go natural, and when I told some people I had the same reaction as you. I went med-free with my first and it was fine! I wanted to go med-free again with my second, but it didn`t happen (you`d think that it would go easier with the second, but it didn`t pain wise! Easier delivery, but the pain was way worse!) People are also going to tell you to keep an open mind because you don`t know how it will go. Nod politely and take the advice because it`s true; however, keep preparing to go natural:) GL!

LuvnlifeinCO · August 2009

Defintely don't hide the non-epi choice - it's something to be proud of. It's better for you and the baby so why wouldn't you at least give it a shot? I went natural with DD after being induced and was very happy as I was able to move right away and was aware of what was going on (good bad and ugly). Look into Bradley birth classes - the are usually 12 weeks long so if you decide to go that route you'll need plenty of time.

LeighAnne1941 · August 2009

Honestly the only important people you need to support the decision are your labour coaches and your dr. The rest of them won't matter in the thick of things. I got a lot of strange looks from people first time around and did it anyway. But I have gotten stronger reactions from people when i mention cloth diapering than when I mention drug free birth LOL

sstar1308 · August 2009

MFalor:
Well, they may just be reacting to what they perceive as naivity on your part. Instead of saying definitively, "I'm not getting an epidural" try something more like, "I'd like to go as long as possible without one". There's nothing wrong with using different techniques for pain management -- even within a hospital setting they encourage you to be in charge of your labor. You don't know what it's going to be like and who knows, you could change your mind - do you really want anyone coming up to you saying "I told you so"??

No, but if i make the decision that is what i am going to do then thats what i will do unless god forbid something is wrong and the doctors have to intervin (sp).

Timeg · August 2009

Don't hide it from people - that's silly! I birthed naturally, told people from the beginning I would, and I just laughed them off when they would make comments.

sstar1308 · August 2009

Lots of great advice girls! thanks!!

anabell0920 · August 2009

I don't plan on going all natural BUT just remember to stay informed of all birth plans including epidural and C section. I have no problem with getting an epidural but don't want a C section but I will still be learning about it because even though you have your plan, those can change in a minute when the day comes and I know unless I am informed I will be scared out of my mind that my plan is going out the window. Just remember that this is your plan but it can change if the baby doesn't want to corporate so just be prepared. GOOD LUCK!

Lyssapee · August 2009

Even though women have been giving birth since the dawn of time with out drugs... I think now a days they have become the norm. To each their own... My sister plans to go natural, and both my MIL and Mom went natural... BUT, I'm going to wait until I'm there to decide what I want to do.

lauriepuhn · August 2009

The reaction you're getting come from one central idea that many people hold true "A person who hasn't given birth has NO IDEA what it's going to be like, so how can she be sure of what will happen to her?" People also tend to rationalize their own behavior, so if a woman had an epi, she might want to believe that it's not possible for a sane person to experience birth without one.

My suggestion is to accept that people think that way and then just make a small change in your words to sidestep their concern. What I mean is say something like, "I'm going to do a natural birth, no epi, but I can't be sure of what will happen, so no matter what, I'm going to do what's best for the baby to make sure it's healthy." That should be enough to turn around the nay-sayers.

Good luck!

Best,

Laurie

www.expectingwords.com

Kimberli0529 · August 2009

Watch "The Business of Being Born," it is very informative and made me feel even better about my decision of going natural. My friends and family are very supportive of my decision however I told my coworkers my birth plan and they think I'm officially nuts.

sstar1308 · August 2009

Kimberli0529:
Watch "The Business of Being Born," it is very informative and made me feel even better about my decision of going natural. My friends and family are very supportive of my decision however I told my coworkers my birth plan and they think I'm officially nuts.

I just looked this up, i definately want to get! Im going to make my dh watch it with me this weekend!

gypsywitch · August 2009

i think you're brave! My friend had a natural with her 1st, she said she'd never do it agian LOL. I don't think ppl are judging you, they may think " why suffer needlessly when there is meds to help out!" I personally don't care what anyone does, I may end up doing a natural too, I want to have a VBAC, and I'm afraid if I have an epi I won't be able to feel my uterus bursting if it does LOL...morbid, i know.,

*LrCg* · August 2009

Speaking from soneone whose done things "differently"- i.e. homebirth and cloth diapering, I find that when you go against "mainstream" people for whatever reason take offense and want you to "fail". Its like because your not making the same choice they did- your insulting them (although you didn't) but yet they don't have any problems insulting your choice. I never hid my choices and in the end the best was making everyone eat their words. I would bite my tongue on why I was making those choices as that person was telling me why it was wrong because I knew in the end it would all work out. Most people when they came to visit would say I bet you won't do that again and I said absolutely I'll do it again it was an amazing experience!! And so here we are, doing it again

HTH and I highly recommend Ina May's childbirth book- she has wonderful stories on med-free births and is a great midwife with info. Just remember your body was made to do this, I never took any classes, I felt what could a class teach my body that it already knows what to do?

wifey type · August 2009

i did it natural with my first and plan too do the same this time also. who cares what they think.

Jennicap · August 2009

The Business of Being Born is a fabulous documentary that I recommend. I rented it at the local library. DH watched it and really watched it and we even discussed home births after wards and we decided to stay with a midwife at a hospital but we may switch still, we were still talking about home birth this weekend. so we will see! My understanding with people who voice their opinions is that they just don't know anything about med-free births and so why do it? I go one step further, I am hoping for no intervention birth. I had one girl tell me that I will be cut if I like it or not and I'm like NO my doctor will allow me to labor longer so I won't tear and don't need to be cut. She just didn't understand.

MrsJoanieP · August 2009

*LrCg*:
Speaking from soneone whose done things "differently"- i.e. homebirth and cloth diapering, I find that when you go against "mainstream" people for whatever reason take offense and want you to "fail". Its like because your not making the same choice they did- your insulting them (although you didn't) but yet they don't have any problems insulting your choice. I never hid my choices and in the end the best was making everyone eat their words. I would bite my tongue on why I was making those choices as that person was telling me why it was wrong because I knew in the end it would all work out. Most people when they came to visit would say I bet you won't do that again and I said absolutely I'll do it again it was an amazing experience!! And so here we are, doing it again HTH and I highly recommend Ina May's childbirth book- she has wonderful stories on med-free births and is a great midwife with info. Just remember your body was made to do this, I never took any classes, I felt what could a class teach my body that it already knows what to do?

I think this is well said. I will say, though, that I think blocking out other options from your ideal birthing experience in your mind could come back to haunt you in the end. I've known several women on other boards I frequent who have hands down said they were going to have a natural birth either at home or a hospital. They did hours of research and decided that's what they were going to do. All of this was fine and dandy until for whatever reason, a few of them weren't able to have that natural birth they were planning.

So, afterwards, they were so fixated on the fact that their birth wasn't what they had dreamed about all those months that they pretty much remembered their birthing experience with hatred and feeling down about themselves as women. It was hard to see someone go through that knowing that no one is any better for how they give birth over someone else, but because they didn't keep an open mind, and read research upon research about how X is so much better than Y, they felt like failures when they had to do Y.

Either way, GL!

Timeg · August 2009

Jennicap:
The Business of Being Born is a fabulous documentary that I recommend. I rented it at the local library. DH watched it and really watched it and we even discussed home births after wards and we decided to stay with a midwife at a hospital but we may switch still, we were still talking about home birth this weekend. so we will see! My understanding with people who voice their opinions is that they just don't know anything about med-free births and so why do it? I go one step further, I am hoping for no intervention birth. I had one girl tell me that I will be cut if I like it or not and I'm like NO my doctor will allow me to labor longer so I won't tear and don't need to be cut. She just didn't understand.

I am glad you are considering natural/intervention free birth. It really is fulfilling and wonderful (better than you'd expect, when you have the right attitude and expectation about it!).

I just want to say - I labored for 15 hours and pushed for three. The doctor did not "cut" me, but I did tear to the 3rd degree. If it happens, it happens. I don't consider tearing to be an intervention

mir628 · August 2009

My OB actually gave us a brochure on Hypnobirthing at our last visit. She said that she has seen a lot of success among her patients who have tried it. She also said that those who did the Bradley Method and then were unable to deliver naturally or without intervention were left with a strong sense of guilt. I sure as heck don't need that as a new mom! We're going with Hypnobirthing.

kmcgrath1974 · August 2009

I say kudos to you for choosing natural childbirth. Smile I have profound respect for those women who could do it. I certainly couldn't. I ended up with two epi (first one failed) and a c-section so be prepared for anything even if natural is the way you want to go. Don't hide!

Chelseyparker · August 2009

My Mother had all 4 of her children at home without medication. Both my sisters have had 3 natural childbirthing experiance. I plan to as well, I am hoping to get into a Bradley Method class, it's very husband coaching and really learning to breathe etc. etc. etc... Good luck!

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