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Blended Families
having a rough morning re: sdaughter
I'm feeling really hurt this morning. I often feel sad because the way my skids treat me. It sucks. I've been planning tons of fun things for my skids this summer. I have spent a small fortune on amusement parks, mini vacations, etc...all soley to give them great experiences and have a great summer and some family time together. Things have gone really smoothly and for that I am greatful. But the second there isn't a small fortune being spent on them, the tables turn. This weekend the only thing planned was a party for a friend of mine's child. When I told SD that, she gave me a look that could kill. I then nicely said "would you like to go?" and she replied with a mean "no..I'd rather do nothing". I then got angry and said how it's so unfair that I make fun plans the whole summer based on what makes them happy and then when I have one small event, they can't even give for just a couple hours. (sson doesn't want to go either). SD is 13. I then said "well I don't want to spend my whole day watching "adult swim" in the living room. Hubby got pissed and shut the tv. He's mad at both of us now too. I'm sure I didn't handle it properly...but i was just so mad/sad.
i'm so hurt that I have tears in my eyes. my friend expects I'm bringing my family to this party in 1 hour and now I am cancelling. If we drag them to the party, they will have major attitude and it will stir up more issues (we've done this in the past and I get constantly questioned by guests about what's wrong with my skids).
When they are with their mom, they constantly go to events and act happy and fine. I realize I'm not their mom and it's different but it just really really hurts. today sucks!
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Re: having a rough morning re: sdaughter
I am sorry you are having a tough time. It sucks that your DH is not behind you on this. Life is not all amusment parks and pricey activities. Not that my skids get that; but they know that there will be no "fun" stuff with out the occasional boring weekend!
Good luck. You shoud go to the party alone and let DH deal with his spoiled ones!
I know I should go alone to the party but I feel too depressed now to do anything. I hate when I get like this!
Hubby is mad in the kitchen, sdaughter locked herself in her room, and sson went to his friends.
It sounds like you need to cut off the amusement parks and "fun" activities. You're doing the work and not getting any credit. Let DH plan some fun stuff or simply send them out with him for a while. You don't break the bank next summer until they can show that they appreciate the fact that you do this stuff for them and they can darn well show some appreciation by doing some little things for you too. Like respecting your or saying "thank you" or going to a friend's birthday party for a few hours in lieu of amusement parks.
Find some free stuff to do. Not everything has to be expensive. And life isn't about "fun" all the time. Don't give them a choice about it..."We're going to the museum today." or whatever. And get them out there helping with the yardwork and doing stuff with you and filling time with activities other than Adult Swim. Check out www.gocitykids.com and see if your city is listed for activities and things to do in your area, indoors and out.
Quit being depressed. It's time to be ANGRY at them. DH for being mad at you for your SD's attitude and lack of appreciation, and at SD for her attitude. You and DH need to get on a page and figure something out other than "what can we do to make the kids life fun since we're the "fun" parents" and set up some consequences and values and development.
By "quit being depressed" - get out of the house now and go to the party or do something other than being depressed and ticked off in the house with a houseful of angry people. Get away from the environment to let yourself and everyone else cool down. Maybe DH will have it out with SD. (Hopefully. I don't see that happening if he's rattling skillets in the kitchen and sulking and being angry and petulant. It sounds rather childish, actually.)
I am curious about when your DH learned of this party. Didnt the two of you discuss it, mention that the kids would be there and that you'd like to attend as a family unit? If you didnt, I have a hard time feeling sorry for you. If you did, then your DH is a jerk for letting his kids rule the roost.
This.
Also, kids are really manipulative. You made a comment about how happy she is at BM's house. I wouldn't be surprised if she is just as sulky at BM's house. You don't really know what exactly happens there.. Don't let her play you two, be a team.
I think you should go to the party alone and use it as a chance to get a break from the negativity. Kids can get pretty spoiled and need to be entertained all the time if that is what they are used to. I would spend the next couple of months have VERY low key weekends so that the kids will be grateful next time you do something really fun!
BINGO! I spoke to BM a few times about things like this (we don't usually get along well but can hold decent conversations) and she said they do the same thing at her place. Today when SD was so rude to me, I just took it so personally. I need to stop taking things so personally with them.
Good for you!