Does DH help out throughout the night???

chinitalia · August 2009

Does your husband help you at night with LO?? If not, do you wish he did? I was reading an article and it said that husbands should help even if they work. Do you agree with this?

nofreespeeches · August 2009

i ebf, but he helps me if i need it. he always wakes up with me, it just makes it easier to not be the only one awake, even if we don't talk. but if she is fussy and i need a break, or i can't seem to swaddle her tight enough, he always helps. i get up with her at 7 or so so he can get a few hours of sleep without the noise. and yes, i agree they should help, even if they work. i will go back to work, and i will still have to feed her, so he shouldn't get out of baby duty if i don't. lol.

Lolita0626 · August 2009

He helped me a lot more at first. After about a month, he stopped helping as much. He changes the baby's diaper once a night sometimes but that's it. I would love it if he would help more because sometimes I'm so tired I feel like I can't function - but I know that he works full time and has a 45 minute commute so I feel bad keeping him up at night.

one.sweet.world · August 2009

DH did when LO was not STTN.It was his choice to help b/c he does work but as I got more used to the whole mom thing, he'd wake up and ask if I needed him and if I didn't he would go back to bed. Since I was BFing he couldn't do much anyway. However, he always took both weekend night shifts (friday and saturday) and let me sleep unless he really needed me i.e. I didn't pump beforehand etc.

She is now STTN so we all sleep like babies!

MommyDee5 · August 2009

Before DS started sleeping through the night, FI and I would take turns throught the night. He's a very hands on dad!

momquixote · August 2009

Yes, but it depends on the night. On the days when DH works at 5 am, I get up with the baby if he does wake up. Thankfully, he mostly STTN (though he's taken to waking up at 5 am lately himself).

patrickandkim · August 2009

Heck no he doesn't help out. At least she goes longer at night now. He uses the work excuse, but it's BS. I will not get the same love when I go back to work. Just to even offer would be nice. I don't expect you to do it all, but to rather show an effort. When I go back to work next month it will be payback. I am gone 14 hours overnight, so he will know what it is like.

RandZB · August 2009

He will when I go back to work, whether he likes it or not. Hopefully DS will be sleeping through the night most of the time by then, though.

**Gretchen** · August 2009

I ebf, so there's not much he can do other than diaper changes and it seems kind of cruel to wake him up to change her diaper when I'm already up and in her room.

Now getting her to sleep is sometimes a production, and he helps with that during the weekends, but not during the week. I figure I can sleep in with her, he can't.

Once I go back to work this might change.

eta: this is usually at 12-1am. Not 8pm. If it were 8pm, he'd be helping.

armandos_girl · August 2009

DS mostly sleeps through the night now, but when he does wake up occasionally, DH and I will take turns getting him back to sleep. When I was on maternity leave, I did all of the middle of the night feedings because I EBF and he had to get up for work and I could sleep in.

chinitalia · August 2009

I guess he will find out that payback is a B@#ch soon enough.

lemen99 · August 2009

I EP so DH got up with me every single time. He fed DS and I pumped.

LoveEeyore · August 2009

Nope, nope, and not in my case. I EBF and cosleep with the twins in their room, like I did with DD1... I do fine with minimal sleep, love cosleeping, and am so proud of and grateful to my DH for providing for us- we have a beautiful home and I stay home. He doesn;t care for the newborn phase (AT ALL)- but he is an awesome dad to DD#1, and so I am happy to do it all. Plus, if I complain or make him do it, I imagine he'll remember and there will be NO chance that he'll agree to #4 in a couple years!!

IncubusChic619 · August 2009

He only does some times on friday & saturday nights. I wish he would help out more during the week but he has to be up at 4:30am. Also DD falls asleep faster after I nurse her instead of a bottle at night

CrunchyMama · August 2009

My DH works 11 hour days, get's up at least once a night with DD and would get up for all the feedings if I asked him to (he did last night!). Your sleep is just as important as his, if not more.

mrs_bella · August 2009

nofreespeeches:
i ebf, but he helps me if i need it. he always wakes up with me, it just makes it easier to not be the only one awake, even if we don't talk. but if she is fussy and i need a break, or i can't seem to swaddle her tight enough, he always helps. i get up with her at 7 or so so he can get a few hours of sleep without the noise. and yes, i agree they should help, even if they work. i will go back to work, and i will still have to feed her, so he shouldn't get out of baby duty if i don't. lol.

this, pretty much exactly!

war_eagle · August 2009

Mine is willing to help and does if I ask, but I try to let him sleep b/c he commutes 45 minutes each way on the interstate. I worry about him falling asleep at the wheel. On the weekend he usually does either the middle of the night feeding or the first morning feeding with a bottle that I've pumped. He is very hands on the afternoons/evenings so that helps make up for the nights.

butterflyflight · August 2009

My husband gets better and better every day with our daughter. We both work part time (just in the summer) and also go to grad school. My husband gets up more then me at night.

We were best friends before we got married and we work at the same place. We are pretty much used to working together as a team. It was really tough to get a flow in the beginning, I must admit. Really really difficult.

If I get up lots with her at night my husband will take care of her in the a.m... etc. it is an unsaid, thing.

We take turns resting during the day, going to the gym, etc. I work very hard providing, cleaning, helping etc. So should He.

p.s. I am a jersey girl

Califragilistic · August 2009

Does your husband help you at night with LO?? no

If not, do you wish he did? yes-if for no other reason than a little bonding for them...and to feel like he wants to give me a break and actually do some of the work.

I was reading an article and it said that husbands should help even if they work. Do you agree with this?--im torn. he gets up early to work so i dont know how fair it is even if i wish it happened.

katiefyd84 · August 2009

Nope not at all...but I'm not sure what he'd do to help other than change the diaper because I ebf. And I figure I might as well change the diaper seeing as I'm up anyway.

MattresMuffin69 · August 2009

My DH is awesome. He didn't get up with my with DD #1 because I EBF, but with the twins he's been amazing. He gets up to help me no matter what time he's in work. And he had an hour and a half commute. He helps out whenever her can. I try very hard to get both kids if he is in early, but when both wake up the same time for a night feeding, I can only do so much. I'm very lucky to have my DH.

adncarrie · August 2009

He doesn't help - he would if I could wake him, I guess (It isn't like he refuses to help). DH is such an incredibly deep sleeper (and I am a very light sleeper) so if I heard LO fussing and got DH up #1 I'd be so awake from getting DH up that I may as well have gotten out of bed to take care of LO and #2 It would take so long to wake DH enough to actually get him up and moving that LO would probably be too upset/screaming and would be unable to go back to sleep and calm down as easily so I'd have to get up and help anyway. It is just easier to get up myself, so I do.

DarcyLongfellow · August 2009

No, he doesn't, but he would if I asked. He has to function at work and all I have to do is nurse a baby all day. I'd be pissed if the situation were reversed and he expected me to get up!!

moonshiney · August 2009

My dh never helped at night and well I think the hard part is over now. And it would have been nice if he helped more but now Im over it and I should have known his personality is lazy so whatever. My baby sleeps through most nights now.

amy&tim09 · August 2009

chinitalia:
I guess he will find out that payback is a B@#ch soon enough.

My fiance doesn't like to get up in the mornings to get her on his days off, but I had to put a stop to it. I get up every morning, and I stay home with her, and have had no help from his family (mine lives far away), or anyone. I got to the end of my rope and told him that he has to start giving me a break or I will lose it. You almost have to just force the issue. Don't let him get away with not helping out, this isn't 1940...dads need to share the responsibility. After all, we had to go through pregnancy and labor, right? The least they can do is get up once in a while and change a damn poopy diaper! Good luck, I hope it gets better! )

Mama Angelina · August 2009

DH has been super helpful both night and day, although he hasn't returned to work yet. He insists on changing all LOs dipes so I've only changed a couple since we brought DS home. When he returns to work in a couple weeks I think I will take over some of the nighttime changes just so he isn't totally run down.

MrsSweetpeaMagee · August 2009

DH is the director of a summer camp in the summer and a teacher during the school year, he gets up with them when they wake up between 3-5 (it ranges depending on what time they go to bed). However this the time he always wakes up so it is much easier for him to get up than it is for me, whereas it is easier for me to stay up and put them to bed. When we both go back to school he will be home by himself for about 3 hours 2 nights a week. He helps on weekends when he's not working and will come over to our cabin during the day if he gets a chance or if I really need him.

christina627 · August 2009

I EBF and co-sleep (usually bedshare once DH and I go to bed...crib in our room before) so USUALLY I don't really need DH to help me at night. All I do is feed him at night and change him if he needs it. He barely wakes, so no need for DH to wake up. If LO was screaming or something for hours, DH would wake up anyway (unless he was at work...works nights some). DH does relieve me in putting LO to bed when he is home and that is nice.

applewonders · August 2009

We take shifts, but I take the whole entire night. Which is fine I guess because DS is mostly asleep anyway. When morning comes FI will take baby until noon, so I get more sleep. And then it's both of us throughout the day. He works from home so that's a huge blessing for me.

MaliaMouse · August 2009

FI is a teacher so he's had the summer off. Right now I put LO to bed around 9-9:30 and he u-s-u-a-l-l-y (knock on wood) sleeps till around 2 am. Then FI gets up and feeds LO a bottle that I've pumped, changes his diaper and puts him back to bed. I take the rest of the night-sometimes it is 3:30, 4:30. 5:30, 6:30, up for the day at 7:30... but more often (again with that wood) it is me getting up at 5:30 to nurse, change a diaper and put him back to bed until 7-7:30 when the day begins (LO's choice not mine) We will see if this lasts when school starts again in a few weeks. FI has started to make some complaints but has been suggesting he take 4am until he has to get ready for work (6am) We shall see....

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