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How do you keep your relationship healthy?

NHMountainBrideNHMountainBride
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months
With your SO, I mean.  I am very sad about the state of our relationship right now, and I'm not sure what to do about it.  We have no time together without DD, and even our time together as a family is limited, since we work different schedules.  Plus, when we do have a little time together (like tonight -- DD is asleep), one or both of us is exhausted (and...  DH is in bed right now).  I feel like I need to resign myself to a sex-less, romance-less marriage, and I really don't want to do that!  What's your secret?
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Re: How do you keep your relationship healthy?

  • excitedforlittleoneexcitedforlittleone member

    The biggest thing in our relationship is communication.  We don't have the sex crazed, fun, spontaneous relationship that we used to hvae but now we have something better - DS.  That means lots of compromises.  We probably have sex twice a month if that (which sucks) but we make sure to put in at least a few minutes of cuddle time at night and tell each other how much we love one another.  I think it's just the sacrifice of having an infant.  I know it's temporary though....once DS gets older we will have more time to devote to one another physically.

    OH and my parents watch DS one weekend every month so we can have "alone" time.  Do you have any family that could sit DD while you and your SO go on a date?

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  • CalifragilisticCalifragilistic member
    letting our parents take her for an overnight visit so we can get a whole day and night together, alone. its hard to be away from LO but makes you a better family in the end by allowing you to reconnect with yourselves as people and not only parents.
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  • NHMountainBrideNHMountainBride
    imageformerlyknownaseflo:

    The biggest thing in our relationship is communication.  We don't have the sex crazed, fun, spontaneous relationship that we used to hvae but now we have something better - DS.  That means lots of compromises.  We probably have sex twice a month if that (which sucks) but we make sure to put in at least a few minutes of cuddle time at night and tell each other how much we love one another.  I think it's just the sacrifice of having an infant.  I know it's temporary though....once DS gets older we will have more time to devote to one another physically.

    OH and my parents watch DS one weekend every month so we can have "alone" time.  Do you have any family that could sit DD while you and your SO go on a date?

    You're right that communication is key.  That's another problem with us.  There are a lot of things we should be talking about but instead are just "brewing," for example, the fact that I work over 40 hours per week and DH only works 32.  I just almost don't even have the energy to talk about it, but we really have to.  And I've been dreaming about a date night for months, but DH doesn't seem to be as enthusiastic.  My mom is more than willing to watch DD, but DH isn't comfortable with leaving her with my mom.  We do have a friend that we both feel ok having watch DD, but we just haven't made the effort to ask.  We should.  It's a lame excuse.

    And you're right that it will get easier and we will have more time.  I just miss how things used to be sometimes, you know?  Sounds like you do.  :)

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  • AshDocAshDoc
    It will get better, I promise.  My DH was just saying last night that he can't wait until the baby gets a little older so it won't be so hard.  I reminded him that in a few months it will be a lot easier.  We try to have a date night, when possible and always give each other hugs and kisses during the day. 
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  • CorinneallysonCorinneallyson member

    Communication is huge...I find that having your own separate lives/interests, so you have things to talk about (besides baby), is a big deal for us. It keeps one interested in the other. I would like to have more time in a group setting with group friends....once again, more to talk about.

    I can't help you with the sex thing, besides maybe try showering together for fun, when baby is contented and in her crib. We have fun with that, and it always starts things in a non-pressured way (because we're already naked!)

    BTW - date night is nice...we just had one the other night for our anniversary.

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  • excitedforlittleoneexcitedforlittleone member
    You've got to talk about it.  If you are pissed about something you need to bring it up to your husband.  If you don't it's just going to escalate into something bigger.  This used to be FI and I's biggest problem.  If we got mad about something we kept it bottled up and it just turned into a huge blowout.
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  • NHMountainBrideNHMountainBride

    imageformerlyknownaseflo:
    You've got to talk about it.  If you are pissed about something you need to bring it up to your husband.  If you don't it's just going to escalate into something bigger.  This used to be FI and I's biggest problem.  If we got mad about something we kept it bottled up and it just turned into a huge blowout.

    Yeah...  advice taken.  I'll work on that.  It won't be easy since we both have a tendency to become defensive, but I'll try!

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  • angelina477angelina477 member
    Date night. We go with our without DD. 
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