Need advice - Single Parent, Work FT w/ older child and infant

Re: Need advice - Single Parent, Work FT w/ older child and infant

• MommaP12 member

  August 2009

  I'm not in your situation, but I commend you for trying to balance it all well and wish you the best of luck.  Things I will suggest:

  Make a few dinners on Sunday and put them in the fridge/freezer so you can just pop them in the oven/warm them during the week.  The crockpot can be your best friend too - dump things in it in the morning, turn it on and when you get home, voila, dinner is ready.

  Try to do as much at night for the school rush as you can.  Make lunches the night before after LOs go to bed, make sure backpack is packed, your work bag is packed, etc.

  If dinner is cooking and you don't do the rest until after they are in bed, then hopefully you'll be able to spend some time with LOs between dinner and their bed times.  Try to stay calm so your older one doesn't feel stress/burden also, it's all about routine/schedule.  Your older child can help with a few things also - perhaps a few chores to allow him/her to earn a small allowance while helping you.

  Good luck and God Bless you all.

  

  
  

  
  

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• gypsywitch

  August 2009

  I'm also not in your situation, but have # 2 on the way, DD #1 is 2 and I also work FT. What I would do, is get your older daughter to pitch in! Have her do some small chores and reward her with a small allowance ( mine was $2 a week back then though i could get alot with $2! lol). Most kids are eager to help and please their parents. I'm not suggesting making her a slave or anything but maybe having her do the dishes after dinner a few times a week and have her put away her own laundry. I had chores by the time I was her age! 

     Also ROUTINE. I cannot stress it enough. In the AM get up early enough to have time to yourself to wake up, get ready adn some thigns situated before waking baby up. the baby will probably be up before your 8 year old, so get him/her up feed/change care for him then put him in a swing or on a play mat with some toys. then get your 8yr old up and do what you need to with her. Also, doing thigns the night before will save a ton of rush in the AM like laying out clothes, pcking teh bookbag,diaper bag, making bottles for daycare, packing lunches even making breakfast ( we used to pour our bowls of cereal the night before, doesn't sound like much but it helped) OR carnations breakfasts to go are good alternatives but can be pricey.

    Dinner usually gets made as soon as I walk in the door. I alwyas plan our meals a week or 2 in advanced so I know I have everything to make the meal and there is no wondernig. Any prep you can do the day prior ( chopping veggies, defrosting meat etc..) do it! And don't plan elaborate takes to long to cook and prep meals. try this website:

    Menusformoms.com You can subscribe and they will send you a meal plan for the next week with grocery list for free. Most of the meals are really good, some I dont like, but I save ALL the menus, and then plan future meals off old menus. Keeps things interesting. You can subscribe to the "busy mom menu" for like, $7 a month I think, but I jsut do the basic menu. It helps ALOT.  After dinner is when we have quality time. We color, play with playdough, go for walks, snuggle on the couch...Of course your 8 yr old will have homework to do, but she can also stay up a little later than my 2 yr old   DD is in bed by 7:30 8:00 every night without fail. After that I shower, get things ready for the next day and jsut decompress on the couch with a favorite TV show. I always make sure I am in bed by 9 or 10 to get enough sleep for teh next day. don't try to stay up til 11 or 12 doing thigns! If it cant get done then, than it will have to wait. Always get enough sleep! So you have plenty of energy for the next day. I dont sacrifice sleep for ANYTHING. LOL. Ok, this turned out to be long, but I hop it helped!

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• carrie4g

  August 2009

  Its going to be tough but you can totally do it! You just have to remember to stay calm and organized as much as you can. I agree with PP in that you should use your older daughter to help you a lot. Is the word use bad? i wouldn't make her a babysitter but I'd start with having her take responsibility for her own things. In fact, she can be doing her wash and your wash! But i would work with her now to get her doing chores so that later she's not shocked when the baby comes. Also, it takes a village...so ultilize as many resources as you have. Get as much help as you can. For example, meet up with some other moms and watch each other babies and that sort of thing. You'll totally be able to do this, you just have to stay organized and on top of it.

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• aldyn

  August 2009

  Wow, I have a ton of respect for you!  I think you've received great tips so far - I just wanted to add that with your 8 yr old daughter, you have a great resource.  Spend quality time with her by involving her in the things that need to get done, like cooking.  Also invest in a good carrier (I love my Ergo) because I'm able to get a lot done while wearing my DD. I used a Moby when she was a newborn.

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• Pesky member

  August 2009

  I'm not in your situation per se but am in the role of single parent often enough thanks to DH's travel schedule.  So I'll answer as best I can.

  How do you do it?  One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.  Seriously.  Thinking any more than that -- well, the stress will kill you.  If you do, remember you did it all yesterday, you are doing it today so you sure as heck can do it tomorrow.  And as the kids get older, it'll be a bit easier.

  How do you spend quality time with an older child and take care of an infant when you only have 2-3 hours per day with them?  As long as you are trying to be there for them and taking the time to know them and be interested in what they are doing and what is going on with their lives, that's enough quality time.  Really.  Plus you will find that with the infant, you and your older DD can bond over helping to care for the baby.  She can help and also, soon enough the baby will be going down for the night very early, leaving you and your older DD with time alone together.  Plus just schedule some alone time with each every now and then. 

  How do you manage the morning rush to school, work and babysitter/daycare?  Organize, organize, organize.  I get as much ready the night before as possible -- bottles, clothes, anything else needed for school, lunches, etc.  If necessary, depending on the baby's schedule (i.e. predictable or unpredictable), I shower at night.  Then I get up before the kids and first priority is getting myself ready to go.  Then I can focus 100% on the kids.  Makes it easier that way.  And just allot yourself more time than you think you will need so you have a buffer.

  How do you carve out time to make dinner, do homework, baths ect?  Ditto above -- organize.  Sign up for a menu-planning thing (free online), prepare big batches of stuff on the weekend so it makes for easy heating up (spaghetti sauce, soups, etc.), make the crockpot your best friend, look into possibly meal sharing with a friend or neighbor (i.e. one night one makes enough for her family and yours and you pick up your share and one night you do the same).  And frozen food and take-out will not kill you or your kids.  Sometimes having cereal for dinner is fun.

  Basically, don't get too overwhelmed.  Sometimes, DD's bath just HAD to wait a day.  She lived.  My house would get messy.  My kids don't seem scarred.  The important thing is to triage and figure out where you can slide and where you can't.  And that list will change from day to day.  And don't be afraid to ask for help.  I've roped in neighbors to help out when DH is out of town and I thought I was going to lose it.  You'll be amazed what having someone hold a baby for a couple hours will do for you.  Plus your DD is old enough to have household chores and can help a bit more.  It's doable!!!  GL!!! 

  
  
  DD -- 5YO
  DS -- 3YO
  

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• fauxshelley member

  August 2009

  Ladies,

  Thanks so much for the great advice.  I have taken a deep breath and I feel better about the whole thing now.  One day, uh hour, at a time.......

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