Adulthood. Kinda-sorta-rant.

myrall · August 2009

So, my 24-year old brother and I got into a debate that quickly went into an argument. It all centered around the definition of an adult.

His argument is that you aren't an adult until you have the maturity (didn't really get his definition of maturity, but it had something to do with not drinking) a of an adult. Also, according to him,college students are not adults. They are not living in the "Real World."

I took offense to this and said, that at the age of 18, I was damn well living in the real world. I was working 40 hours a week, attending college full time, paying for my education, and not under the auspices of my parents. And I like to think I had to be pretty "mature" to make it through a major university with an 'A' average in four years.

So I guess my boiled-down definition of being an adult is a person who is self-sufficient (meaning they are not depending on parents for financial support). It's not necessarily built around being responsible - because we ALL know irresponsible adults. I think it centers more around that self-sufficiency - YOU and only YOU are making the choices about money, relationships, direction in your life, etc.

I'm not sure why I'm tying "adulthood" exclusively with financial independence. It probably has more to do with my leaving the nest quickly and fending for myself. I was not beholden to my parents for my college education. So, I guess, to that extent I don't see kids in college on their parents' dime as "adults."

What do you think? And I'm not trying for flames here. I'm interested in seeing if anyone can provide a clearer version of what my brother was trying to say.

MLvK · August 2009

I think I'm with you. Although you do sort of fall into your brothers definition. In that you were actually living in the real world and had achieved maturity by 18. You just happened to also attend University at the same time.

But yeah MOST college kids are still under their parents cloak of security so they may not have achieved any maturity yet. Just the same as there are some 40 year olds who live on their own and haven't achieved it.

myrall · August 2009

MLvK:

I think I'm with you. Although you do sort of fall into your brothers definition. In that you were actually living in the real world and had achieved maturity by 18. You just happened to also attend University at the same time.

But yeah MOST college kids are still under their parents cloak of security so they may not have achieved any maturity yet. Just the same as there are some 40 year olds who live on their own and haven't achieved it.

Well, that's the thing. According to his definition, I wasn't an adult at all because I was in college! My working and being financially independent didn't play into his sense of the word at all. His definition seemed arbitrary and indifferent to external circumstance. To him, self-reliance had nothing to do with it. He said I was "immature" in college because I partied! Wow. I guess at this rate, I'll NEVER be an adult to him.

Little brother tends to be very pious with very little introspection.

mingaling2 · August 2009

To me it sounds like you and your brother are almost agreeing, except the financial aspect of it. I think a combination of both is what makes an adult. Actually, I don't think I became an "adult" until after my divorce from my ex!

Like the pp, we know lots of people who are financially independent, even married with children, etc. who are still not mature or responsible (wife takes care of them or something else). And I work at GaTech, so I know a lot of these kids did not have the maturity you did when you were in college

kep · August 2009

Some days, 18.

Other days, 21.

I know a lot of adults who can't pay their bills and aren't financially independent. But they are still adults. ) I also know a lot of adults who are enrolled in university classes. I went to college with many non-traditional (age-wise) students.

AugustaBride04 · August 2009

You know what's funny about this? My mom and I had this same conversation about a week ago. It stems around my little brother who just turned 21. IMO, I really think there are generational differences in this age of kids (college) now a days. I agree with you Myra that self-sufficieny plays a big role, but I think responsibility and accountabilty do too. I will be the first to admit that I did my share of partying in college, but I was responsible, I worked a job, kept good grades and HOPE the entire time, while being involved in sorority and other extra-curric activities all while having the best time. To me it seems like college aged kids now are less willing to work, are not as responsible, more egocentric, and have a sense of entitlement to everything. (This being said when 2 of my very own brothers are this age and in college!)

*Stepping down from my soapbox now...

myrall · August 2009

AugustaBride04:

You know what's funny about this? My mom and I had this same conversation about a week ago. It stems around my little brother who just turned 21. IMO, I really think there are generational differences in this age of kids (college) now a days. I agree with you Myra that self-sufficieny plays a big role, but I think responsibility and accountabilty do too. I will be the first to admit that I did my share of partying in college, but I was responsible, I worked a job, kept good grades and HOPE the entire time, while being involved in sorority and other extra-curric activities all while having the best time. To me it seems like college aged kids now are less willing to work, are not as responsible, more egocentric, and have a sense of entitlement to everything. (This being said when 2 of my very own brothers are this age and in college!)

*Stepping down from my soapbox now...

I agree. It makes me feel old when I think about kids today. Like I should be chasing after them with my cane and telling them to get off my lawn!

UGAbride · August 2009

I'd say you guys basically agree...MOST college students would fit his definition. I know I did - my parents did not want me to work, they said my "job" was to make good grades and have fun. So I did

But, I would say that being financially independent is a big indicator of being an adult, so you're definition is also correct...but for some reason, I just feel that at 18 you really can't be a full-on adult, I mean you can't even drink. (Not that I think drinking is a huge thing, but there are actual places you are not allowed to go inside because of your age, KWIM?).

UGAbride · August 2009

your, not you're. Sorry, hate that.

julienandy · August 2009

I think once you hit 18, you are an adult.....of course doesn't mean you will be wise or totally independent. I think alot if not most people continue to people gradually mature during their 20s. Now when do people mature??? well, some never, some at 14 and most everyone else somewhere in between..

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