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2nd Trimester
How do you "forget"?
...to take your child out of the car? Seriously, where you even there for the birth???
I just don't understand it! In all the years that I've nannied, and babysat, I've NEVER forgotten to take children out of the car, nor have I ever not noticed that they were there!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you "forget"?
Are you suggesting that they did it on purpose? Or that they are lousy neglectful parents? I understand wanting to distance yourself from something so horrible, but no one is above making dangerous mistakes.
It's awful when this happens, but I can almost understand it.
I locked my dog in the car once in the middle of summer....he was in there along with my keys. DH had to come home from work (only 15 min away) to rescue us.
If it's not a part of the normal routine for the parents, I can totally see it happening. If you've never taken your child to daycare before and it's silent in the back, it's reasonable that you may forget. Don't you drive to work sometimes and honestly can't remember how you got there because it's such a routine for you to drive a certain way, etc?
I saw an Oprah about this- the mom was not doing her normal routine and forgot and her baby died. After hearing her story and seeing her pain, I do not judge in instances like this. Now if the parent KNOWS they're leaving their kid in the car while they run errands and it dies, then that's a whole other ballgame.
I'm saying that I don't understand the reasoning about the whole, "I forgot to take my child out of the effing car". I personally know someone who will leave their child in the hot (non air-conditioned) car. And, every single time, I yell at them!
Honestly, yeah...I think that they are neglectful. My parents never did anything like that, DH's parents never did anything like that, and I know that I will NEVER do anything like that...accident or not.
OK, perfect person. Good luck with that.
I guess there's a news story that this is in reference too, but I haven't read it.
A light anecdote regarding this: I was 8 years old when my little brother was born so my mom was used to a pretty self sufficient kid (getting in/out of cars, etc.). One day we got home from the grocery store, parked on the street in front of our house, walked inside, and then my mom was like "wait, where's Christopher?" She had forgotten to get him out of the backseat! I guess he was sleeping or something so he was very quiet. It was only a minute he was there, but we still make fun of her for it sometimes.
It's extraordinarily easy to judge when you've never been in a situation where you're sleep deprived (I'm not talking about pulling an all nighter here or there... I'm talking all-nighters for weeks or months), off routine, distracted and overwhelmed.
I've never forgotten my DD in the car, but I'm not so complacent that it could never happen to me. It could, and it's terrifying.
Almost every parent I know has said almost exactly the same thing. They could actually imagine it happening, if it was out of their normal routine. I just think you shouldn't judge. It's horrible and the parents who have done this will probably never forgive themselves.
Do I think it's possible that someone could get to work with a sleeping baby in a rear facing car seat in their back seat, and get out of the car and walk into their job without realizing they had skipped part of their morning routine - ABSOLUTELY I can see how it happens.
It's tragic and awful, and I can't imagine the guilt those people have to live with. Making a tragic mistake does not make you a neglectful parent.
Most parents make mistakes - most of us are just lucky enough that we don't make the tragic ones.
When I am a perfect parent who makes no mistakes with my children, then I will judge people who are less perfect than I am.
Autopilot. Everyone does it every day. Ever wondered how the heck you even made it to work b/c you don't remember the drive?
In this type of situation you should call the cops. Then, maybe they will get the point on just how dangerous this is. Clearly, your "yelling" at them has no effect if this has happend multiple times. And by the way, never say never.
I've done this once before.. Carson was a newborn and we were at a family members house and he fell asleep so we put him in his carseat to sleep, and bundles him with blankets like we do all the time..
and then an hour or so later we leave- pick up the carseat with baby, pop it in the base and drive off- later when we got home we realized that the baby was NEVER buckled, I cried thinking of the possibilities and how bad of a mom i felt..
but guess, what it's human error- i did it again a couple months later
Last year they did a stry about this on the Today Show. They said its more common than you think. Parents who are sleep deprived and still aren't into the routine of having a child in the car sometimes forget. Sometimes babies can be really quiet. I'm not saying its right, but I can understand how it happens.
I also saw the woman on Oprah to whom this exact thing happened to and I felt soooooo badly for her and her deceased child. She will never be whole again and I cannot judge her in the least. I have thought about it so many times since then and can EASILY see it how it could happen. Think of all the "stupid" mistakes we make daily - imagine if one of them cost someone their life. No one is perfect...
Katie
Im sorry but I tend to forget ALOT of things like purse in the car, cell phone at home, BUT NEVER have I forgot I had or didnt have my daughter! I was a single parent raising my daughter. Worked 2 jobs and went to college full time with ALL that going on I NEVER forgot about her! Sorry I totally understand where babyemily is coming from. I dont care how its routine or not its YOUR CHILD!
BY the way to the parents who REALIZED their LO was in the car, you REALIZED it. thats the difference, I do feel for the parents who left their LO in the car and lost them but I just will never understand it.
It's very easy to see how someone, particularly when taken out of their daily routine, could make a horrific mistake like this. It's tragic, but it does happen. People make mistakes...
I was left in the car when I was a toddler. My stressed-out mother was running a million errands, and when she had been in the grocery store for a few minutes, she realized what she had done. Is she a terrible mother? Not in the least. She made an honest mistake due to stress, lack of sleep, and a to-do list a million miles long. It happens.
She said that when she ran to the car, I was sitting in my carseat playing with a doll, completely content and unaware that she had even left me.
You REALLY think it was a conscious choice on the behalf of a parent who ONE time does it (if you know someone who does it regularly, report their @ss to the cops- that is unacceptable) and on that one time that they forget, their entire world is ripped apart b/c they killed their child? Never say never... I always said I'd NEVER forget to put on DS's seatbelt... there have been times that it's totally slipped my mind. The human mind is not infallible.
I bow down to you, O Perfect One.
Neither could most of the people that made the tragic mistake of leaving their child in the car....
Mereou, You just took the words right out of my mouth!
This exactly. It is really easy to pass judgment now, but please don't be so naive as to think that it could NEVER happen to you. There are several articles written about this every year and it has happened to every age, race, education level, income level, and every area of the country.
Totally understand that! Not saying im heartless to these people just saying I cant comprehend it. RAISES WHITE FLAG!!
I think it's pretty brave for someone to say that they will NEVER do something like that.
My dad worked 3rd shift when I was a kid. My sis (about a year old at the time) was taking a nap so my mom ran a quick errand (like to the bank or something) My dad was home sleeping, so not a big deal. While my mom was gone I got sick at school. My dad had to get up and come get me, not even realizing my sister was there. Needless to say my mom was pretty ticked when she got home and my sister was there by herself!
Really, it can happen to anyone. In fact, it seems most posters have some sort of story. Luckily they just don't all turn out bad in the end.
Very well said. I agree 100%
I hate hearing these stories. I am willing to bet that the parents who have lost their child this way never imagined they could forget their child. The stories that I've read or seen on the news - it's regular, old parents. They don't seem neglectful or abusive or unloving. For some reason, usually b/c of a change of routine for one day, they make a mistake that has tragic consequences.
Of course I can't imagine it happening to me and I hope and pray that it doesn't. But I won't judge the families who have been in this situation. Because I also can't imagine the guilt and horror they will feel every day for the rest of their lives because of what they did.