Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Toddler in daycare and newborn at home...how'd you do it?
My plan was to have DS at home with me for the first month and then he was going to go to the new sitters twice a week to get out of the house and to get use to the new sitter. However his sitter can't watch him anymore so now he is at home with me again. He has gotten really attached to me so I am worried how he is going to be when I go back to work.
I would check with your daycare and see what their policy is. Maybe they will let you take him part time. I would still take him, it is nice to have alone time with the baby and it will keep your older one in a routine still.
We wanted DS's schedule to remain as normal as possible once DD arrived, so we kept him in daycare. Plus it gave me one-on-one time with the new baby.
During the first 10 days, when I was still recovering from the c-section, DH did the drop-off & pick-up. After that DH dropped DS off & I picked him up. It wasn't that big of a deal to do it. The toughest part was lugging the infant carrier and trying to wrangle DS to the car, but most days someone from the daycare would come out to help me. We live a little over a mile from the daycare so on the nice days I put DD in the double stroller & walked to picked up DS.
My girls are 21 months apart and I still sent my older DD to daycare everyday. I really felt that she needed to keep her normal routine and I needed time to bond with the baby rather than keeping my older DD busy. I swear, she would have been going stir crazy being home with me and a newborn all day. Between the baby's napping and eating and my lack of sleep, it would not have been good for my older DD. She is very active and needs to be busy. I would get up at pretty much the normal time I do for work and some days I would shower and some days not - depending on what else I had planned for the day. I would feed the baby and then get my older DD up and dressed (DH would help with this as well). We all left the house at the same time - DH for work and the girls and I for daycare which is only a few mins from the house. I would drop off DD in her room and she always loved showing off her baby sisters. Towards the end of leave I would ofen stop into the infant room at either drop off or pick-up so my baby could get to know the staff and room and all that stuff. Younger DD would go about our day and then pick older DD up at the end of the day. Somedays those were my only trips out of the house and other days, we did otehr things but I loved that time. My younger DD was not an easy baby - had very bad reflux and honestly, I could not imagine going through those 10 weeks (I had been on bed rest at the end so lost a few weeks of leave) recovering from a c-section and taking care of a newborn with my older DD home.
To answer your other question, a friend of mine took her older DD out of daycare for a month and she was able to pay a holding fee that was less than the normal weekly rate. I'm not sure what the rate is but I know when we are out for a weeks vacation, we pay a $50 holding/vacation fee vs the full weeks rate so it is worth asking what they would do if you decide to pull her out.
ANother option that many of friends did is basically keep the older child in daycare but took her less hours - let her sleep in, pick her up early, skip some days and do special things with the kids. Really jsut dud things day by day depending on how things were going with the baby. If you have a very easy baby, it might be easier to do things with your older child.
I had a 4 y.o. DD when DS was born last November. She had been in daycare FT, and we felt it was important to keep her going just so that she had a little continuity in her now turned-upside-down world. Also, we would have lost her space if we took her out totally.
Our daycare would go no lower than 3 days a week. The tuition for that was the same rate as it would have been if we were just paying to keep her spot. She went 5 days a week the week after DS was born because I needed to rest and recover. After that, she went M-T-W and was home with me Thursday and Friday. I drove her there in the morning and DH picked her up. It was hard to do with an infant, because he wasn't getting on a schedule easily, and it was an extremely cold winter--I hated taking him outside, and then into DD's classroom where 10 4 yo's wanted to touch and love him. I also think I sort of missed out on some of the relaxation, if there is any, of a maternity leave, because I was running around every day and then had to entertain a 4 yo two days a week.
However, I needed to have a spot for him at the same daycare, and he got preference if we had another child at the center. So I had to keep DD attending to secure his spot for when my leave was up. I would have loved to save the $$ we paid in tuition while I was on unpaid leave, but I love having my kids at this center. It was also not a huge transition to start DS in daycare, because I had been bringing him in there for weeks and everyone knew him.
I kept DS in daycare while I was home. We felt it was important to maintain his routine. I also really enjoyed the alone time I got to bond with DD. I can't imagine what I would have done with DS those first few weeks when all I was doing was sitting on the couch bfing.
DH did the drop off and pick up the first week and after that I had to do the pick up. It was a little intimidating at first but went surprisingly smooth.
I kept the older boys in DC when the baby came for a few reasons...
1) I wanted to disrupt their schedule as little as possible.
2) There was no way my DC (in-home at the time) would hold their slots.
3) I wanted time to bond with the baby one-on-one.
4) The thought of establishing breastfeeding and tending to a newborn while trying to keep two toddlers entertained and out of harms way was more than I could handle!
The dropping off and picking up was an issue though. For the first few weeks my mom was staying with us. Her "job" was to shuttle the older boys to and from day care and to be with the baby in the evening while DH and I went through the older boys' dinner and bedtime routine. Again, we were trying to keep their schedule as consistent as possible.
Once my mom left I had to pack up the boys and the baby and drop the boys at day care. At the end of the day I had to pack the baby up again to go pick them up. It became routine but it seemed ot be a daunting task at the beginning.
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
DD will be going to daycare. I don't know why you wouldn't, an infant is exhausting not to mention healing from birth, and if you have the option to get a break from one child for a while , I'd take it!
1. You WILL have to keep paying for daycare even if your kid doesn't go
2. Ok...I don't think thats a really big deal.
My DD went the entire time. She didn't always go full days, but I LOVED LOVED having time to bond with DS, nurse without chasing a toddler all the time, NAP when I needed too, etc.
The first week after DS was born my DH was off so he took her, after that I took her. It wasn't that hard, someone from the center usually was begging to hold DS, so I'd hand him off while getting her stuff, etc. They'd even help me out to the car usually. Just ask for and accept help.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
Thanks for posting this, as I was going to post a similar question.
I should mention that we're expecting to have a LOT of leave. I get up to ~4.5 months, DH gets ~3 months, and we're hoping MIL will help watch the new baby for a few months during the summer (she's a teacher). So we're looking at hopefully 8-9 months with someone home with the baby, which would be a LONG time to keep DD out of preschool completely.
Luckily, her preschool is really flexible... she currently goes full time, but they separate the "school day" (9 AM to 2 PM) from the "extended care" time before/after school. So we're thinking about pulling her out of extended care, and just sending her school days.
We can also drop down to 4 or 3 days a week. From reading through the other responses, I think we may start off staying at 5 days/week, and make the decision about going to fewer days based on how I'm feeling.
We also have the option to pay by the week during the summer (June-August). So we might pull her out for a week or two here or there, especially if MIL is here.
We do have the option to pull her out completely -- enrollment for the next school year starts in February, so we could just pull her out for the spring/summer and re-enroll her for the fall. But I think we can afford to leave her in, and she loves it so much. So I don't think we'll pull her out if we can help it.
As for dropoffs/pickups, I'm a little nervous about that, too. Luckily, DD's preschool does car dropoff/pickup, so I just have to pull up to the school and they'll get her out. But I'm envisioning having to go pick her up while the baby is napping... stuff like that. Oh well, I think that inconvenience will be fairly minor, and it'll be worth it for DD to get to play with her friends and have fun.
Good luck figuring it all out!
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
DS is going but on a reduced schedule - 2 days vs the 3 he normally would go. Its been 2 weeks and I love sending him - :-).
He gets to keep his schedule and stay familiar with the people there and I get a break. I'm exhausted and need some down time during the day when I don't have to entertain him and care for the baby at the same time.