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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
WWYD?
Hi Ladies-
I posted this on TTCAL as well, and the ladies were very helpful, I just need more convincing I guess. . . . .
Long story short, my younger sister is currently in labor with her second child, and will probably have him sometime tonight. We are not currently on speaking terms because she said some really horrific things to me after our m/c (She claimed I was using the m/c to garner sympathy for myself, and that I was only devastated because I felt guilty for not being thrilled about the pregnancy, not that the baby was gone, she then deleted me from her Facebook page)
Question is this: She called my Dad and he called me to tell me that she was in labor and that he could tell "whoever" about it.
My husband is furious and doesn't want me to even bother, but I fell stuck betweena rock and a hard place. I'd like to be the bigger person and at least text her, but I can't do it. I'm tired of being the better person, she can't even get over her bitchiness to let her family enjoy the birth of her son.
Thoughts? WWYD?
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Re: WWYD?
I'm sorry, I have no advice really. This is just my armchair psychology, but it seems to me that perhaps your sister said those awful things to you because she could have been jealous that your m/c was taking the attention away from her 2nd pregnancy? She obviously has never been through a loss to say such things to you. In any event, I would have a very hard time being the bigger person with one of my sisters if something like this went down with them. I think she will be the one in the end that has regrets about it, not you. If it were me, I would probably hang back and let her contact me.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this
Mel
I read your post on TTCAL board and didn't respond mostly cause I just don't know what I'd do. It's really a no-win situation.
I don't know you sis but if she's in the mood to decide you're a bad person and at fault for your relationship going downhill, it could be easy to mis-interpret a text and say, "Oh gee... seriously! The best my petty, bitter sister can do is send a crappy text?!" Or to decide the content was intended sarcastically, etc.
On the other hand, to completely ignore the event is great fodder for her, "My sister has cut me from her life and seriously wounded me" arguement, too.
I MIGHT give it a few hours, wait until she's probably in serious labor, and then call (I'd be banking on the fact she wouldn't get coverage in the delivery room or that the cell would be off/dead/etc.). I'd leave her a message saying, "I know we aren't seeing eye to eye right now but you are my sister, I love you, and I'm sincerely happy for your joy right now."
Perhaps the above might work in a text, too.
Whatever you decide G/L. I know this is an uncomfortable and hurtful situation.
I remember your original post from when this all started and she was seriously nasty to you. Sister or not, you don't deserve that type of abuse from anyone.
If my sister behaved that way or said the things that your sister said to you, I'd be happily rid of her. That type of negativity is toxic and you definitely don't need that in your life right now. I'm guessing this wasn't the first time she behaved this way and it probably won't be the last.
I 'm gonna side with your DH on this one and hope that she's teaching her children to behave better than she does.
(I apologize if this is harsh, but I have no tolerance for disrepect or childish behavior in adults)
TTCAL buddy to LMichelleG - Praying for a miracle
PgALbuddy to CanonMom & BriAZ - Congrats on your beautiful little girls Labor Buddy to Luvsbunny
These are my thoughts exactly, I've been the "bigger person" for almost 30 years, and I just can't do it anymore. People keep telling me I'm right for how I feel, but then I get slammed with "well she is your sister" it's like what the heck am I supposed to do? I appreciate all of the thoughts and I would love to celebrate with her, despite how hard it would be for ME to overcome. Again putting her first and not myself.
She's the type of who will take ANY text or call I send into drama, so I guess it's just easiest to ignore it.
Thanks ladies.
Just had to do a follow-up post.
It sounds like you're leaning towards (or have already made the decision and are needing support for) cutting your sister out of your life at least for a while and not reaching out to her right now.
This is completely your call. There is NO right answer. There is only the right answer FOR YOU (and DH). It's not silly or petty to be deeply wounded by your sister's words and actions. Hopefully some day she will take steps to try to make ammends. But what is most important right now is yours and your DH's healing. If reaching out to your sister does not help you accomplish that then you shouldn't feel guilty about letting her celebrate this moment without you.
Whatever happens good luck.
I know this is a seriously delinquent response but I just wanted to say that I agree with the PP that you are totally justified in not reaching out to her. We don't get to choose who our siblings are and if they are mean and hurtful, that doesn't mean that you have no choice but to suffer their abuse.
That being said, if you feel up to it, I do like the idea of sending something to your nephew maybe via someone else. big hugs to you. a family feud on top of a loss is a lot for anyone to go through.