Parenting after a Loss

if you found out the sex the first time...

will you find out again?  i've been thinking about this a lot lately.  there was no way i could have made it the whole pregnancy without knowing this time...i was way too anxious and felt like i needed to know in order to connect with her more. 

but, now that i know i'll have a scheduled c-section next time, i have been thinking more about not finding out for the next one so that something will be a surprise. 

anyone else think about this stuff? 

Re: if you found out the sex the first time...

  • We'll be finding out again.  Mostly because we have SO much pink stuff for DD, we'll have a lot of shopping to do if it's a boy and I like to be prepared ahead of time!  But, DH didn't want to find out the first time, so I've made a compromise with him....if we have a boy next and end up having a 3rd, we won't find out, since we'll already have boy and girl stuff.
  • we also have a ton of pink stuff, but mostly clothing, which i'm fine with buying some neutral stuff in for starters. 
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  • I have been thinking about this stuff since Aidan was born!

    Anyways, as you know, I'll also have a scheduled c/s next time around, so I have thought about NOT finding out. But in reality, I know I will find out. If it's another boy, I'll want to reminisce about all of Aidan's clothes, pull them out, remember my first little boy as a newborn, etc....And if it's a girl, I have serious shopping to do, LOL! I think my compromise will be not telling people the name since we'll already know the sex and the date of birth.

    However, if # 2 is a girl, then I would keep # 3 as a surprise since I would already have 1 of each and have everything I would need, kwim?

    When all is said and done, I liked knowing that I was having a little boy. Too much mystery for me to wait the whole 9 months.

    Aidan Jake 7/25/08 Cooper Cole 7/27/10 Tessa Morgan 8/9/12
  • We found out and told last time because DH was going to be gone and I wanted him to have that "It's a boy!" moment. ?Next time, we either won't find out or we will find out and not tell anyone.
  • SuzPSuzP member
    We did for both.  I wanted to be surprised for #3 but DH didn't.  Still undecided if we will TTC again, but I think I probably would want to find out now. 
    Suzanne
    Mama to Lewis Elijah-11/18/05
    and Evangeline Mae - 12/06/07
    and two angels 3/17/07 at 5w and 12/16/08 - 11w partial molar pregnancy with bonus chemo
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Best Kind to Have-blog
  • I too will have a scheduled C. next time around.  and I will find the sex out next time around.  I am too impatient not to find out. 

     

  • I'll probably find out again. As much as I'd like to say I'll be surprised, I'll need to know if we need to buy boy clothes. Of course, all our "big stuff" is neutral (PNP, stroller, car seat, etc) so I could probably get away with not finding out and just buying some neutral NB stuff. Actually, I guess it depends on what time of year this future baby will be born. If it's yard sale season, clothes won't be an issue and we could be surprised. If it's the winter, I'll need to find out LOL
  • Oh we are absolutely finding out! DH wants a boy in the worst way...he has a daughter from a previous relationship and now our DD....so he'll need time to mentally prepare if the next one's a girl too, ha. And I just can't fathom carrying a baby for 9 months and not knowing!
  • I didn't want to find out this time and DH did, so the agreement is that next time we get to wait like I wanted to. We'll see if that actually ends up happening.
  • If we have another, we'll probably keep the sex a surprise again. I just LOVED hearing in the delivery room "It's a girl!"
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  • I will find out for sure.
    Melissa & Jeff 5-27-06
    m/c 1/2/08 and 3/12/08
    Eve Amelia- Born 2/24/09. 6lb 9.9oz
    Natalie Ruth - Born 6/13/11 7lb 6.6oz
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  • We'll definetly find out again, but I think this time we'll keep it to ourselves if possible. 
  • with my blood clotting and lovenox, I have way too many u/s not to find out - so we will.  Hopefully early again at like 15 weeks, maybe we won't tell anyone else next time.......
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  • Not planning another pg, but we would find out again in that situation.  I wish I had the patience to wait, but we'll likely have quite a few u/s's again and the temptation would be way too much. 
  • My plan is to have 3 babies.  the next one we'll find out - and if it's a boy, then #3 will be team green... Otherwise, we'll find out if #2 is a girl as well.  Only because we'll have a lot of blue to buy if it's a boy
  • imageSTLBride_2_BE:
    with my blood clotting and lovenox, I have way too many u/s not to find out - so we will.  Hopefully early again at like 15 weeks, maybe we won't tell anyone else next time.......

    this is the one thing that could throw a wrench into my surprise plan.  since i had IUGR i'll have a crapload of monitoring and u/s the next time.  hmmm.  i really would love the surprise but i am probably too impatient anyway.  rats.

  • Not finding out (both times) has been the most exciting thing I've ever experienced. And I am usually a HUGE planner!
  • Yes, I think about this stuff and probably more than I should.  I am almost constantly debating: VBAC or C-section? Find out or no?

    DH really wanted the surprise last time but I couldn't stand it.  We found out but I told him I would really try to wait the next time.  And I intend to honor that promise....to TRY to wait ;)

    Actually I really love the idea of being surprised too, but I just don't know if I have that kind of patience.  I don't have a lot of patience about most things...and 9 months is a LONG time to wait :)


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    M/c #1 - 10/30/07 - 5w3d, DS1 - born at 36w, M/c#2 - 12/7/09 - 5w, M/c #3 - 1/13/10 - 4w6d, 
    M/c #4 - 3/16/10 - 5w1d, DS2 -  born via VBAC at 40w3d, M/c#5 - 11/5/12 - 7w2d
    BFP #8 - 5/5/13- Looks like a sticky one! DS3 - born via epi-free VBAC at 39w1d

  • We will definately find out again!
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • We definitely plan on finding out again:)
  • imagerowanthefrog:

    Yes, I think about this stuff and probably more than I should. ?I am almost constantly debating: VBAC or C-section? Find out or no?

    DH really wanted the surprise last time but I couldn't stand it. ?We found out but I told him I would really try to wait the next time. ?And I intend to honor that promise....to TRY to wait ;)

    Actually I really love the idea of being surprised too, but I just don't know if I have that kind of patience. ?I don't have a lot of patience about most things...and 9 months is a LONG time to wait :)


    A?

    You can do it -- I promise you it is so worth the wait! Once I got past the 18-week u/s where I COULD have found out it got a lot easier. I just accepted that we weren't finding out. This time around I've had no problem waiting at all. I keep dreaming about that moment in the delivery room!?

  • I will probably have a scheduled c-section and we will probably find out again. I don't think I have the patience to wait the entire 9 months. I was having a hard time waiting 19weeks last time. I would love another little boy!

     

  • We're in the same boat as far as that the next baby will be a scheduled c-section.  We found out that A was a boy at 17 weeks when we got our amnio results.  Next time around, we will be having an amnio again and I can't image not finding out the baby's gender.  It will be a surprise, we'll just be getting the surprise earlier than at delivery.  I think knowing with A helped us to get excited and daydream about him.  Plus, for the second baby, it will help us figure out what we can reuse and what we would need to buy new.

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  • I do not want to find out this time!

    I really want a girl- and would hate to feel disappointed. Even though I will be happy just to have another baby After all the pushing- I will be happy no matter what.

  • If we have another one, we'll most definitely find out again.
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