Anyone else still feel this way sometimes?

mbss · August 2009

This could be flame worthy but still, I had to vent.

I just found out the my cousin is pregnant. While at my very core I'm happy for her, I still struggle seeing people who get pregnant easily, carry without issue and are so blissful with their pregnancy. Don't get me wrong-I don't want people to experience what we have but I really struggle seeing the unbelivable joy that people have while I'm rattled with worry at every turn. It's not an attention thing but it pains me to know how hard this was for us and this is just a reminder of how really awful these last 3 years have been. I'm truly thankful for this blessing but sometimes it doesn't feel real yet or safe somehow . Everyone else seems just so glowing and worry free and I'm still struggling. Even with this pregnancy the hurt hasn't gone away.

PurpleK26 · August 2009

I still feel that way sometimes. More jealous that they still have their pg innocence!

ezbakejess · August 2009

When I lost my baby my mom (who had been through it too) told me that going through that brings one good thing: I can't imagine how much more I will appreciate my child when I do have one. I try to think of it that way ~ that only someone who has been through a loss can possibly love and appreciate their child as much as you will love yours. Your child can feel how much you want them, and will feel that their whole life. I hope this is the end of your struggles, and you have nothing but sunshine from now on. HH9

BabyS. · August 2009

ABSOLUTELY! No matter how may times I told myself I was being irrational, it didn't matter. For my own well-being, I avoided pregnant women, babies - anything that would remind me of my loss. And when I saw a pregnant woman, or if someone joyously told me about her pregnancy, I'd fake a smile and feel my heart break just a little bit more...and then avoid her for the next 9 months.

I have a cousin who was pregnant at the same time as my 2nd loss, and everytime I see her healthy little baby I can't help but feel a little sad.

I know this isn't "right," but it's the way I started to heal.

JEOZ · August 2009

I still feel that way. It's tough for me to be happy for pregnant women and to see babies.

kmuir44 · August 2009

I still feel this way too! I feel bad sometime because I know part of it is jealousy but it is just always going to be like that from now on. I will never get to have a pregnancy when I am not scared until the end.

And seeing babies after I lost Samantha was the worst. My 2 best friends were due around the same time as me and it hurts so much to get to watch them raise their babies while my baby is in heaven.

ping1080 · August 2009

I feel the same way. There's a woman I work with who just found out she's pg. She's been having tttc, so we have been talking about our struggles. Even though we're both in very different situations, I'm still anxious that she's going to breeze through this pg, while I'm struggling to stay sane each week!

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