Community› The Bump Message Boards› Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Babies: 0 - 3 Months
New Discussion

guilt over switching to formula & DH isn't helping

BaltimoreGirl07BaltimoreGirl07
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

DD is 9 weeks today; I EBF for the first 6 weeks and due to various reasons, I have EP for the past 3 (I just went back to work last week, too).  After lots of thought & feeling bad for wanting to, I've decided that I hate being chained to that pump, I'm exhausted from 3 straight weeks of pumping 2x in the middle of the night after spending at least 1/2 an hour feeding her, and I just think I'll be a better, more sane mom and wife if I have my body back and can sleep for more than 3 consecutive hours at a stretch.  I feel guilty enough about stopping before my 6-month goal, but I just can't do it anymore.  The last time I brought it up to DH, he basically called me a "quitter" so I just let it go & sucked it up...today, though, I realized that this is what is best for all of us, so I sent him an e-mail with my reasons, research findings, etc. -- and what is his reaction?  How much it's going to cost.  I know it's going to be more expensive, but how hard would it have been to just say I know it's been really tough on you, and if this is what you want to do, I'm behind you 100%.  Ugh - I feel bad enough, but that certainly isn't helping - parenthood is hard, and we need to support each other - why is that so hard for some men to understand? 

Report Reply to Post

Re: guilt over switching to formula & DH isn't helping

  • DoubleDiamondDoubleDiamond
    I want to slap your DH.  As someone who had to give up BF'ing before I was ready (well, "had to" - - - that's not really true.  Circumstances - including DD's milk protein allergy and my imminent return to work- lead to me really believing it was the right choice for us to FF but I had a really hard time emotionally with that decision), I can totally related to how you're feeling and you need him to support you. Trust me, once you make the change, you'll love it and you'll be at peace with it.  The hardest time, in my opinion, is the transition period from BFing to FFing.  GL!
    "I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." J.D. Salinger Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • erino&chrisherino&chrish
    Pumping is tough, especially at night.  My DH gets up with LO at night so I can get up and pump.  I know the dilemma you're facing because I plan on quitting next weekend at the 8 week mark.  As for money, could you do things like cook at home more or other things with the time you used to pump that will save money?  I plan on cooking dinner more so we don't have to eat out and also cleaning the house myself rather than getting our maid.  Between the two, it makes up for the cost of formula and then some.  Good luck-and remember, your DH does have a say in how you raise your LO, but at the end of the day you're the one lactating, not him, so you have the final say in when it's time to quit.
    Report Reply
  • soontobemommasoontobemomma member

    If you are getting up to pump, your DH should be feeding/changing LO at night (assuming you are giving bottles at night.)  

    Let him take some heat off of you whether or not you will continue pumping, but DEFINITELY if you are going to pump at night, no question. 

    Report Reply
  • TexasLadyBugTexasLadyBug
    First not all men act like that. Try telling him what you just told us. Tell him you need his support and that it would be nice if he noticed how hard this has been on you.?
    Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • JDMC1112JDMC1112
    I have to say I feel your pain. I decided to call it quits before my 6 month goal as well. I'm still doing the morning feeding but he is now getting formula for the other 3 feedings/day. When I initially brought it up to my DH he didnt have a response so I asked him what he thought about it and his response was "You gave it a good effort" I was LIVID!!! A good effort??? 5 freekin months of BF and pumping and he simply disregards it as a "good effort" needless to say after that I kept with it for another 4 weeks and then decided that I would be a much happier more sane person if I decided to call it quits. I still am feeling guilty and the expense of formula doesnt help but be proud of the fact that you did BF for as long as you did and dont worry about anything else!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • UrAnIdiotUrAnIdiot

    I got the same guilt trip when I switched to 100% formula also, so I'm sorry you are dealing with that :( I also tried nursing for the first 6 weeks, but because they were preemies with bad latches and underweight we needed to be sure they were getting enough to eat which meant bottles and pumping. it would take an hour for me to feed and get them both settled, another 30+ mins to pump, and since they were eating every 2 or 3 hrs i pretty much had to turn around and do it all over again! my supply tanked, i was exhausted, and i was feeling really guilty that i couldn't make enough milk to feed my babies and for needing to supplement with formula, so after talking to the pedi at 8 weeks pp, i decided enough pumping and to go full formula.?

    DH was such an @ss about it at first, until I reminded him that it was easy for him to judge me and he should try staying up with me a few nights while i pumped and did everything. after 2 days he was so exhausted, and said he didn't really realize how tired i was (i'd been doing that for 8 weeks straight!). your DH is a man, he just doesn't get everything that goes into breastfeeding... he's probably feeding into the romanticized idea of BFing being as simple as popping out your breast and sticking the kid on it, la di da...

    sorry for hijacking your post, lol. i have been there though, so i understand! i hope your DH comes around soon, but do what is best for you... happy mommy = happy baby :)

    Report Reply
  • BaltimoreGirl07BaltimoreGirl07

    imageTexasLadyBug:
    First not all men act like that. Try telling him what you just told us. Tell him you need his support and that it would be nice if he noticed how hard this has been on you.

    You're totally right; sorry about that generalization -- I know not all men are like that, and he's a great dad - now only if he could BF....

    Report Reply
  • BaltimoreGirl07BaltimoreGirl07
    Thank you all SO much - I just actually cried a little reading your responses.  I'm so glad I'm not alone & not losing it.  :-)
    Report Reply
  • erbearerbear member

    until he breastfeeds, he doesn't get a say. Your DH is being a douche. Send that in your email.

    Could you do half and half? BF when you can and formula the rest of the time. No shame in doing what's better for you...healthy, happy mom = healthy, happy baby.

    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
    Report Reply
  • pastaladypastalady member
    Show him all the responses so he knows its not just you who thinks this way. I like the idea of making him wake up every time you do, my dh did this when dd was born. Now everything is split evenly down the middle. He does half the diaper changes, feedings etc. Happy mommy = happy baby! Remember there are lots of options, formula is not evil. Sure it costs more but like someone said you can cut down on other things. 
    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/30xit04.jpg[/IMG]
    Olivia Kate is almost 4!
    Diagnosed with autism this year and doing great!
    Report Reply
  • Kaar17Kaar17

    I had a similar situation. When I wanted to switch to FF and asked DH how he felt about it, he said he didn't care, but if it was his decision he would keep going - because he's not a quitter like me. I cried so hard and he didn't get it. Still doesn't.

    But after we switched, I was so much happier. I hope things work out for you!

    Report Reply
  • care22care22
    Tell DH it's only for a year that your formual feed then LO gets milk. It's not that much money to formula feed and itown't break you guys. In fact it'll make you happier and probalby solve many of your problems. My DH was the same way when I decided to give up BF. As long as you know it's best, do it.
    Report Reply
  • BaltimoreGirl07BaltimoreGirl07
    imageKaar17:

    I had a similar situation. When I wanted to switch to FF and asked DH how he felt about it, he said he didn't care, but if it was his decision he would keep going - because he's not a quitter like me. I cried so hard and he didn't get it. Still doesn't.

    But after we switched, I was so much happier. I hope things work out for you!

    Wow - that really sucks.  I'm so happy you did what was best for you, though! 

    Report Reply
  • robikatrobikat member
    Does DH know that after breastfeeding is done... even if you did it for 2 years,  you still have to buy FOOD for the baby?  That they don't get freebies from Mom forever? I agree with PP, I want to smack him.  Please send him to Canada and I'll take care of him!
    Report Reply
  • AimeeLoriAimeeLori member

    My DH guilted me as well because his sister breastfed for 3 years.

    One night after LO had a particularly bad night I plopped the baby in his arms, fixed two bottles, and told him to stay up with her, take care of her, and make sure she got fed properly and then he could talk to me about it in the morning after NOT SLEEPING.

    He hasn't said a word about it since.  I don't think he realized how draining it was to be the baby's ONLY source of comfort and food and for that to not be working out like I'd planned.

    Report Reply
  • BaltimoreGirl07BaltimoreGirl07
    You ladies rock.  I'm just too nice to him sometimes.  :-)
    Report Reply
  • cedenscedens member

    i am glad that this was written- i dont want to bash my dh but he is kinda the same way

    he was super supportive while breastfeeding and his mother breastfed him til almost 24 months (which to me, is a lil long and kinda ridic- but to each their own)... but unfortunately he thinks this is the way it needs to be

    she had a hard time latching in hospital and developed jaundice so we put her on formula for one night to catch her back up (while she got therapy lights)- i cried and cried bc she was put on formula and felt like a failure- we finally got her to latch after a week of endless crying and nights (both me and baby)...

    now she is not gaining weight and they want to supplement formula again- and i am just soooo tired of every 2 hours on the dot (bc she is not at birth weight yet i've gotta be religious about every 2 hours and tracking EVERYTHING)- its a LOT of work and i am just about fed up with it (and i havent been doing it nearly as long as you have!)... dh just doesnt get it tho- he just thinks its supposed to happen... i am already contemplating the idea of formula feedigns at night so he can take care of her for a change!

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"