father who left child in car charged: wdyt?

mlf625 · August 2009

I just saw on KVUE that the father who left his 18 month old in the car last week at Freescale has been charged with a felony.?WDYT? ?Without knowing all the details involved, do you think the charge is appropriate? ?Or is losing your child punishment enough? ?Personally, I agree with the charges. ?Accidents do happen, but he (imo) he is fully responsible for the death of his son. ?Thought I'd see how yall feel on the matter. ?

Article. ?Sorry, can't do linky:?

https://www.kvue.com/news/top/stories/081709kvue_left_in_car-cb.ecb26e2f.html?

KateAggie · August 2009

I don't think he should be charged. I'd elaborate, but I don't want to start bawling all over again.

CollieJade · August 2009

I don't know what to think because I just don't understand. How can you "forget" to drop your kid off at daycare, and then at NO point during the day think about your kid and realize that you just didn't make that daycare run earlier that morning?

ebat · August 2009

I don't know how you could forget either. Does everyone who "forgets" get charged with a crime? Maybe there is something in his story that doesn't add up

HSartteach · August 2009

Not that I understand how you could forget your child, but we don't know what else is going on in his life. How many sitcoms do you see where parents forget to pick up their child from an after school activity? It happens. Without knowing the rest of the details, I can't say if I agree with the charges or not. Having that guilt for the rest of his life is pretty bad punishment already...

joyco · August 2009

CollieJade:
I don't know what to think because I just don't understand. How can you "forget" to drop your kid off at daycare, and then at NO point during the day think about your kid and realize that you just didn't make that daycare run earlier that morning?

It's actually easier than you think. That woman who was on Oprah for doing the same thing with her daughter--she wasn't the one who usually took her daughter to day care, headed to work and forgot the kid was in the backseat. The kid was sleeping, not making a peep...

And once, we got all ready to leave, I grabbed Spencer, left Cooper for Jay to grab and I got Spencer into his base, got in the car myself and waited for Jay and Coop to join us. Jay locked the front door and came to the truck and said, "We got everything?" I looked at him and said, "Uh, how about Cooper?" His answer was that he was "testing me", but seriously, it could happen. Sadly.

userdeleted · August 2009

I am very torn on this issue. On the one hand - he lost his child. He will live with this guilt for the rest of his life. I'm sure it is more pain than most of us can imagine.

On the other hand, he committed an act of neglect which led directly to the child's death. If he had "forgotten" him at home and the child had fallen down the stairs and broken his neck I doubt it'd even be a question whether or not he got charged with something. Part of me feels that this seems to happen practically every week during the summer and since hearing about these tragedies doesn't seem to get people (parents, daycare workers - everyone involved in the child's daily life) to pay more attention, maybe hearing about people going to prison will. Or maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. It's a horrible issue to even have to think about.

Another thing is that if we never ever charge these people it pretty much turns into the perfect crime. "Oops, I forgot," and a parent is off scott free...it'd be pretty hard to prove intent don't you think?

Emer · August 2009

KateAggie:
I don't think he should be charged. I'd elaborate, but I don't want to start bawling all over again.

This.

It can happen. It does happen. Life gets busy and you get in routines and then you mix it up and get on the road to work and you're on auto pilot. It's awful, just awful, but no, I don't think he should be charged.

carlinlp · August 2009

So heartbreaking. On one hand I'd like to say "how can someone just forget like that" and then on the other I forgot that Ty had a half day of school last year. I should have been home to get him off the bus but instead he had to sit on the back porch for an hour waiting for me. I felt horrible, neglectful and soooo guilty. Granted, he was 11, but it happened, and easily. I was overwhelmed with my day, had too many things on my to do list that day, a last minute dr. appt for taryn and a baby to care for. It was a change in schedule and when I realized what had happened my heart just sank. I cannot imagine the pain and guilt these parents feel for the rest of their lives. It makes me cry just thinking about it when I look at Teagan who is also 18 months.

Abrooks · August 2009

I think the investigators needs to look at the full case. I think under normal circumstances, then no. I think losing your child like that is more punishment than our justice system could ever deal out. However - if there is more to the story or it's suspicious or there is other evidence to warrant an individual being charged, then they should. But for your average, hard-working, loving and devoted parent, I don't think they should be charged.

PrincessBrideSarah · August 2009

A friend and I were talking about this the other day. She repeated something that an expert she saw on TV said, "If you can forget your keys, you can forget your child."

Parents are often sleep-deprived and stressed. Also, maybe the dad was usually not the daycare drop-off person. Maybe he was running late or something happened that distracted him.

Bottom line, I think that under the right circumstances anyone can forget their child. Which is a thought that chills me to my very soul.

The friend that I was talking with had watched a show discussing this issue. She said that some of the precautions included making sure that your daycare provider calls and makes contact with you if your child unexpectedly no shows for the day (one woman on the show DID have this arrangement with her daycare provider but her cell phone malfunctioned and the provider did not call her a second time or attempt to call someone else). There was also a suggestion to keep a large teddy bear in the front seat of your car when the baby is riding in the car seat in the back. If the baby is not in the car seat, the bear goes in the seat. The bear is a visible reminder that the baby is in your car.

Personally, I would put my purse, backpack, or whatever else I had with me in the backseat with the baby. If you are going to work, maybe clip your ID/badge to the baby or the baby's seat. At a lot of jobs, you won't be able to clock in or access the building without your ID, which stays attached to the baby or the baby's carseat until the baby is dropped off.

I'm not answering the question as to whether the dad should be charged because I just don't know. If I ever did something like that, I don't think that I could live with myself.

PrincessBrideSarah · August 2009

I actually have the news on now and this case was mentioned. They said that the father had switched cars with the mother and that he forgot their child was in his car. So his routine was messed up. My guess is he drove to work on autopilot--like many people do--and since he never did the dropping off, he forgot about the child in the back seat.

When I was 8, one of my friends was playing at my house. Her mom drove to my house to pick her up. Her mom started talking to my mom, so the two of us went back in the house to play. A little while later, we look up and see that her mom has gotten into the car and driven away. Her mom came back about 20 minutes later and sheepishly admitted she had forgotten her daughter. Her mother was not friends with my mother, so the only reason her mother was at my house was to pick up her child, whom she forgot.

amyinaustin · August 2009

I'm not sure of all the details, like PPs said, so I don't feel like I should say either way. I WILL say though that these stories haunt me EVERY DAY. I think about these poor babies and their parents so often during this ridiculous heat - and these stories have changed my life and the way I deal w/ DD tremendously. I keep my diaper bag/purse in the backseat for this very reason. My heart goes out to these families, I can't imagine.

carlinlp · August 2009

Is anyone else wondering why on earth, in this day and age of technology, cars are not equipped with some sort of ventilation system? Yes, it would still be horrible to leave your child in a vehicle all day, but with proper ventilation, the child would still be ALIVE. How many times does something like this have to happen before someone thinks outside the box?

nanann · August 2009

Some of you might remember that I posted this article a while back:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html

It is heartbreaking. and makes it understandable. and is heartbreaking again because it can be understood.

After reading the article, no, I would not charge the person with a felony. Almost always they are doting parents who LOVE their kids. There is almost always a distraction, a change in routine. They don't ever go and check the car because they are sure, positive, the child is where the child should be.

and it lists the tips PrincessBride states so it doesn't happen to any of us.

naclh2otaffy · August 2009

nanann:
Some of you might remember that I posted this article a while back:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html
It is heartbreaking. and makes it understandable. and is heartbreaking again because it can be understood.
After reading the article, no, I would not charge the person with a felony. Almost always they are doting parents who LOVE their kids. There is almost always a distraction, a change in routine. They don't ever go and check the car because they are sure, positive, the child is where the child should be and it lists the tips PrincessBride states so it doesn't happen to any of us.

This was what I've been trying to think of every since I read about the local case a few days ago. That article changed the way I think about it. So heartbreaking. I hope this local family is able to heal from their loss and new trauma to come some day.

jennynorene · August 2009

I don't think we know enough about this case to say if he should or should not be charged, but every time this sort of thing happens I think about the times I almost put the milk in the pantry instead of the fridge, or turned down my old street after we had moved, or drove to work and barely remembered the drive when I got there. So often we do things mindlessly...and when they are part of our routine we really do go on auto-pilot. This reminds me that I need to pay attention, and slow down if I am tired/overwhelmed/whatever. I hate to see any family suffer such a tragedy. It is just awful.

Kim777 · August 2009

Under normal circumstances I think losing a child is punishment enough. This is something that terrifies both Monte and I because we can see how easy it would be for Monte to do it. I know I am paranoid, but I literally call him constantly when he has Rhett. I'll ask if they got to Home Depot and did he remember to pull Rhett out. Then I'll call an hour later and ask if he got to Target and remembered to get Rhett out, etc. I am sure it annoys him sometimes, but I'd rather be annoying than risk losing my baby.

carlinlp · August 2009

Kim, I am the same way. My husband is incredibly forgetful and most days it scares the crap out of me.

Kristen0709 · August 2009

Abrooks:
I think the investigators needs to look at the full case. I think under normal circumstances, then no. I think losing your child like that is more punishment than our justice system could ever deal out. However - if there is more to the story or it's suspicious or there is other evidence to warrant an individual being charged, then they should. But for your average, hard-working, loving and devoted parent, I don't think they should be charged.

I agree with this 100%.

mcurban · August 2009

When I worked in childcare, the administrators called family members when a child didn't come to school. It's a really easy way to prevent these deaths.

And like the pps, I could totally see myself (and any other tired mom/dad) doing this when there was a change of routine. My mom left me at a gas station one time and didn't come back to get me until my brother asked her where I was. My bff's dad left her at church and didn't come back to get her at all- a friend's mom drove her home. Kids get left place all.the.time. We just hear about it when they were left in a car. It's heartbreaking.

TXAggieBride06 · August 2009

I do think what he is going to deal with for the rest of his life is punishment enough and don't agree with the charges.

BUT...I just don't see how you can forget your child in the car. Forgetting keys...yes. But when DD is in the car, I am talking to her, looking at her in the rearview mirror to see what she is doing (even when she is asleep), etc. And especially if I was not the normal ride to daycare, that would make me even that much more aware of the fact that on that day, my child was in the car with me. And if I was the normal ride to daycare, I should be on autopilot to take my kid to daycare. I just don't see how you forget your CHILD. I just don't. But that is just me.

Taytee · August 2009

I saved this horrible, heartwrenching article called "Fatal Distraction" from the Washington Post. It sadly details a couple of cases and addresses this debate. It will make you cry. It almost made me puke - and keep in mind that I'm an ER Nurse.

Is it a crime? Is it an accident? I have no idea. I hope I'm never on that jury.

Could any one of us do it? Most of you would puff out your chests, put on your flameproof mommy of the year vest and say "OMG, NOT ME. NOT EVER!". But it can happen.

DH rarely takes DD to daycare. 5 times in the last year? Especially when she was rear facing, it would be SO EASY for him to get in his truck, assume his routine of getting out of the subdivision. Onto the Tollroad and off to work. Never realizing or remembering that our sweet baby girl is in the backseat. It's more difficult to do once they are turned around but it can and does still happen. He forgets to mail letters for me on the way to work, even though the envelope is right there next to him. Not a fair comparison but you KWIM. I call him when he takes DD, sneaky of course and just ask if he had any problems dropping her off.

I myself live life pretty distracted with not enough sleep some days =(. But I'm so freaking paranoid about this issue that I'm pretty sure it couldn't happen to me. I always ask myself before going to sleep in the morning (I work nights) "Where is Abby?"

Take nothing for granted.

SaraLouiseBride08 · August 2009

Taytee:

Is it a crime? Is it an accident? I have no idea. I hope I'm never on that jury.

This exactly.

This just makes me sick. I agree that the investigators should look into this, but if they really feel it was a mistake, he should not be charged. It happens, and he's going to suffer greatly for his mistake. My heart just breaks for this family. This is so awful Sad

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