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TTC After a Loss
F/U back to work and feeling sad :( - VENT!!!
Well, it turns out my co-workers were mad at me. I got into a meeting with my boss for 2 hours, where she started saying that I was irresponsable, inconsiderate, and ungrateful. That they "respected" and "understood " my decisions about not wanting to chat about my loss, but that I was a completely irresponsable person by showing no interest to their worries and concerns toward me. She also said that I had no commitment to the company, and that honestly she thought I was not going to come to work today. She also said that I better start learning how to deal with my loss, cause she is pregnant and she is not going to tolerate me getting emotional or my lack of enthusiasm when there are baby related topics being discuss.... Later my 2 co-workers were invited to the meeting where they also expressed their feelings and gave me advice about how I should deal with the situation. And that I definitely needed to talk about it, because it was the only way to heal.
The whole time I was completely shocked and in tears; not only where they claiming to "know and understand" how I felt (since none have ever had a pregnancy loss) but where telling me that 7 weeks were enough for me to heal and that I better get my happy face on, cause I was going to be bombard by my boss's pregnancy all the time and I should be thrilled that its her and not me. (I have not said, not even once since I got to work today that I'm sad...I've been telling people that I'm "OK, and fine") . I felt totally betrayed by them, cause no matter what happens in someones life, everyone deals with it in a very different way. I chose to be on my own, to not talk about it with everyone. I chose to deal with it my own way, and let people know that I don't want them walking on egg shells for me. You can not tell someone who and when to heal. You can't expect someone to just forget and move on like nothing happened. I had a baby for 20 weeks.... None of them have had a pregnancy loss, none of theme know the pain that a mother feels, and then you have the guts to come and "advice me how to feel/deal"!!! Seriously!!??? I feel like crap....I honestly don't want to be here right now....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: F/U back to work and feeling sad :( - VENT!!!
Holy $hit.
Are you kidding me? If at all possible, I would look for another job, ASAP. What a bunch of selfish, selfish cows. Ugh. I hope you're ok.
Just know that it takes a LONG time to heal - 11 months later and I'm still not there.
All I can say is wow. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Honestly I think your boss's behavior should be reported to HR. She totally crossed the line.
Giant hugs to you today.
TTCAL buddy to LMichelleG - Praying for a miracle
PgALbuddy to CanonMom & BriAZ - Congrats on your beautiful little girls Labor Buddy to Luvsbunny
That is ABSURD!
You need to either complain to someone of higher authority or find another job... or BOTH!
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with those inconsiderate ppl.
((HUGS))
I work at the HR office, she's the HR manager
I been applying to other jobs cause I knew it was going to be difficult and thought I should get another one, where no one knew about it.....but I never imagine today was going to be like this.....
She said, that every other manager agrees with her, about how she feels about me....
Oh my goodness, I can't believe what I'm reading. This doesn't seem okay. I have great difficulty believeing that they can get away with saying these things to you. You are there to do a job, not there to support and encourage anyone. I don't understand why you must be subjected to someones constant pregnancy updates. I have to agree with the pp. I honestly think you should bring this up to HR, this doesn't seem right.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this crap. These women seem ignorant and selfish. They seem so immature. I'm enraged, I can't begin to imagine how you feel.
Miscarried December of 2008, Ectopic Pregnancy November of 2009
IVF #1 = BFN | IVF #2 = BFP: 9dp5dt (399), 14dp5dt (2489)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6,7
Yuck! I am so, so, so sorry.
I reread your message. I can't wrap my brain around your written words. I am sorry that you have to deal with this crap. I don't quite understand how your grieving shows lack of commitment to the company. Exactly, what does she plan to do if you don't "learn how to deal with your loss", fire you? Give me a break!
Sounds to me like they are trying to bully you and push you around. Don't allow it to happen. Do not allow them to confuse your kindness for weakness. You must bring this to someones attention. This is wrong. Is this a small company you work for?
Miscarried December of 2008, Ectopic Pregnancy November of 2009
IVF #1 = BFN | IVF #2 = BFP: 9dp5dt (399), 14dp5dt (2489)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6,7
that's bullsh!t. so, they basically sat you in a chair and took turns telling how silly you were being for mourning your loss. There definitely should be a higher authority that you should complain to. I definitely don't wish a loss on anyone but I also think that those who've never had losses shouldn't tell anyone who's had one how they should feel or how quickly they should get over something...grrrr!!! I am so mad for you!!
Let us at them!
I would report it to HR then start looking for a new job.
Who wants to be around heartless b?tches all day everyday?
This!
Are you fvcking kidding me??? I'm so angry right now that I want to go there and punch that insensitive b!tch in the face!
I would ask her to please put everything from that meeting in writing so there is no misunderstanding and you are compliant with the rules. If she does (which I doubt she will) then I would get a freaking lawyer. They cannot talk to you that way and get away with it. Your boss has to report to someone and you need to report her. Even if you find a new job you cannot let this go.
Where do you work for there to be such a lack of professionalism? I would tell your boss that she better hope that karma doesn't come back and bite her in the asss because if it does then you are going to expect her to suck it up and get over her loss, no exceptions.
OMG if it was me, I would bring in pictures of Patrick and put them on my desk and let them know I just want to "share" with them like they wanted.
I want to go there now and tell all of those people to fvck off!
Summer 2011
This. That is unacceptable and illegal. Take it to a lawyer. There is such a thing as a hostile work environment. They need to be educated about that.
Natural miscarriage - April 2009 ~ We love you, 'Blueberry'
Lydia, born July 12, 2010
Labor buddy to Kelly0615
This! That is ridiculous. I cannot believe they treated you that way. That is awful! (((hugs))) You definitely need to go to someone that is higher up in the company to complain!
They're absolutely right-- your pregnancy loss is all about them.
are you fvcking kidding me? Please, please, please document this with HR. That is unacceptable to be ganged up on about a personal / medical situation and to have it suggested that your medical issue reflects on your commitment to your job. PLEASE. I am begging you to do so. If not for you, then for the next woman who is not as strong as you are who may someday have to face them.
I hope those fukcers fall down an elevator shaft.
doesn't matter- even HR manager has oversight. You can start with the other manager, but that too should be documented that they are discussing you. It is unprofessional. It is harrassment.
Agreed. I'd try going to higher ups before a lawyer, but this is totally, absolutely unacceptable. Please make sure you document the entire thing and ask her to do the same.