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Cincinnati Babies
Question about carseat
My sister is a single mom of three and just recently divorced. She just moved back to the area from Pennsylvania. She just started a new job. She is overwhelmed, to say the least.
Last night she came to my house with the kids and we were chatting for a few minutes and I said, "Where's Elyse?" (the 1 year old) She forgot and had left her in the car in my driveway. It was only about 3-5 minutes but still. It scared the sh!t out of me. I'm still shaken up this morning. I told her she can't be forgetful like that, even though she has so much going on. I told her to leave her purse next to the carseat so she won't forget. I can't help but think of Brenda Nesselrode-Slaby and it just makes me sick to my stomach. It's probably easy for me to be critical since I have not been in her situation but it concerns me just the same.
The purpose of all that is to ask you ladies what tips I can give my sister so it doesn't happen again. Simply put, how can she make sure she remembers to buckle the baby in when she goes someplace and get the baby out of the car when she arrives?
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Re: Question about carseat
1) Tell you sister to slow her @ss down. I understand that she is a single mom of 3 and that she has a lot on her plate right now, but she needs to slow down. Thank GOD you were there to remind her of her own child.
2) Since she is a mom of three, use the other 2 kids to help remind her about the little one. Obviously, they will be more vocal than the little one, so use them as a reminder.
3) I don't do the purse thing, but I know a lot of women that do, including my MIL. She did it when her kids were little and she still does it to this day. It is a good habit to get in too.
As far as buckling the baby in, I will admit, I have started driving when Kate has only been buckled in halfway. However, I have noticed it (less than a mile from the house), pulled over, and buckled her in right away. It is very hard for me to picture myself in your sister's situation because she is under a lot of stress. I know for me personally, I check my rear view mirror constantly! I even had a small freak out this morning when I saw something in the seat after I dropped Kate off at school. Turns out, it was just the big silver tag on the carseat.
GL! I don't blame you for being shaken. I would have been too.
Oh wow, Katie. I agree with the above suggestions, I'm certain it's beyond overwhelming to be a single mother of three in such a stressful situation.
How did she react to that? Are the other kids old enough to remind her that the baby is in the car with them?
Hey Kristen - She is scatterbrained anyway so I had trouble reading her reaction. I think she was embarassed but she didn't make a big deal of it. My in-laws were over at the time and my mother-in-law was standing right there talking to us when Theresa realized the baby was in the car. My MIL is incredibly classy so she didn't say anything much except that it's scary and then she cooed over the baby. It just made it even more embarassing for me and for my sister. Ugh. Just a yucky situation. It had been a crazy, stressful day for her. Yesterday was Elyse's baptism and it was very hectic so she was at the end of a very long day. It's no excuse but that contributed to her flaky-ness.
The other kids are 8 and 4 so they are old enough - especially the older one. I really think she should enlist their help. That was a great suggestion above. The 8 year old was at my house playing with my stepson last night - that's why she was stopping by...to pick him up. I'd like to think that if he was with her, he would've reminded her about the baby. I will definitely bring that up to have him help with that.
I do what Mrs Vetter does - she either goes in the carseat all the way or not at all. It only took me one time to not buckle her in completely to feel my heart drop to my stomach to know that I have to do it all or none.
Second, I bought one of those additional rear-view mirror type things to be able to see in to the back of the (SUV) while driving. You look at your rear view mirror all the time anyway, so I check on DD all the time while I am driving (& the other two when they are with us). It makes it easier and the older kids like it because it makes it possible for them to see my (or my husband's face) when we are driving. Now I have found that when he is driving my car, I move the second mirror so that I can see into the back when I am in the passenger seat because it drives me nuts to not be able to do that.
I just got it at BRU and it wasn't expensive at all.
Oh my goodness, Katie! The Slaby story STILL shakes me to the core, and I'm sure that yesterday was equally as scary for both you and your sister. Unfortunately, it is too easy to get bogged down with all of the little demands of life (chores, tasks, responsibilities, grocery lists, to-do reminders, meetings, appointments, etc., etc.) that I think it has become increasingly too *easy* to forget the BIG things.
DH was away this weekend and it actually made me stop and wonder how in the world single mothers do it. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love every single second that I spend with DS; but OH MY GOODNESS is it a lot of work to do it alone, 24x7! That being said, I can't even imagine how hectic and stressful your sister's life is. I'm sure that moments like what happened yesterday only intensify her stress and anxiety. Please give her a big hug, remind her how much you love her, remind her how wonderful a mother she is, and [perhaps most importantly] remind her that you are THERE FOR HER if she needs to unload a few *little* things from her plate in order for her to focus on the *big* things. I'm sure that she knows all of this; but hearing it, again, from a woman/mother/professional whom I'm certain she loves and respects will reaffirm the difficulty she is facing attempting to juggle it all and allow her to take a step back and reassess the many things that are vying for her attention/focus.
Thank you for sharing your sister's story. I think that incidents like this serve as a PSA to all of us to SLOW DOWN and focus our energies on our children - everything else can/should wait (although that is, oftentimes and unfortunately, so much easier said than done).
Many thanks to all of you for the suggestions and the support. I'm going to gather the good ideas and present them to her in a kind yet firm way. I'm also going to buy her a rear-view mirror for the baby. I don't think she has one.
I'm also going to make sure she knows she has help and can call on me (or other family members who live near her) to watch the kids when she is overwhelmed and needs a break. She has always been hesitant to accept help - her entire life. I think she needs to get over that now for her own health and sanity.
Thanks again!
Buy her one of the carseat monitors that go on your car keys: https://www.babyalert.info/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=1
Excellent! You know, I figured there had to be something like that out there. Thanks. Unfortunately the infant version is on back order for 6 weeks but still, it would be the perfect thing for me to get her.