Friends Lost Their Baby in Childbirth...

Re: Friends Lost Their Baby in Childbirth...

• dnagal

  August 2009

  Having just had a M/C this week and now surrounded by dying flower bouquets, I can confirm that sending flowers is not the way to go.  Maybe send a living plant, like a rose bush or flowering tree.  Consider a "knockout" rose bush that blooms continuously and needs little care, or a hydrangea--something easy to grow.

  Or, send a food gift, something from Harry and David or Hickory farms, something to snack on, or a meal like a spiral ham by mail.  Or arrange for a local cleaning service, something to make their lives a little easier. 

   

   

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• stacynikki member

  August 2009

  This happened to a very good friend of mine. I wrote her a long letter and sent her a card. I really wanted to register a star in her baby's name but I couldn't afford it at the time. I'm so sorry for your friend.

  
  Liam is 5!
  

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• amiamish

  August 2009

  I don't know if this is what you're looking for, but this might be a nice keepsake for them?

  https://www.craftefamily.com/craft/block_baby.asp

   I usually give it as a gift to my friends when they have their child and they love it. In this situation, it may be nice also.

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• kevschickee2 member

  August 2009

  What about an Edible Arrangement.  I sent one to a fellow mom in my MOMS club after a loss.

  

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• AnneUCSB member

  August 2009

  I am so sorry for your friends' tragic loss.  I cannot even imagine their pain.  

  Maybe you can arrange to have some food/meals sent to them?  Or, are they asking for donations to somewhere specific in lieu of flowers?  Maybe there is some sort of small keepsake that you can have personalized with their daughter's name and information so they have something to remember her by?

  Also, as a total side note, I am so glad to see you back here.  I have thought of you often and wondered how you've been doing since the birth of your DD.  Don't be a stranger! 

  
  Ryan 5/2010, Kyle 1/2007, Eric 3/2005

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• ALP

  August 2009

  A very dear friend of mine lost her baby during childbirth a few years ago due to a placental abruption, and I was unsure about what to do as well. I ended up just leaving her a voicemail and sending her a nice card with a short note. She called a week or so later, and I think the best thing I did was just listen, listen to her cry and listen to her think out loud and not try to fill the silence with awkward small talk or placate her with empty reassurances.

  They ended up setting up a fund for a memorial to have a tree planted in the baby honors in Central Park (they are from NYC),and I donated to that once it was established.

  I think right now just being there to listen or letting her know you are thinking about them is more important then anything monetary or material would be.

   

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• ivybug

  August 2009

  What about one of those angel statues they have in Christian stores?  They are simple and beautiful and many different ones to choose from.  Can't remember the brand name but they don't have faces and also have a line of family statues...

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• 2beJessieD

  August 2009

  You might want to post this on the pregnancy loss board.  Many of those women have personally been through this situation and can guide you a little better based upon their own expiriences.

  I am so sorry for your friends.  When a friend of mine lost her baby in labor due to a cord accident we hired a cleaning service for the first couple of months and some of her family paid one of those cook for a week places to drop off frezzer meals for them.  We did this as a big group of co-workers & that kept the cost down, but just an idea.

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• Littlejen22 member

  August 2009

  I love the buying a star idea.  Or a donation to March of Dimes in her name or her baby's name.  Or if there is anywhere near you or her that is building where you can buy a brick and have something written on it (my town has this at a local park).  Or food.
  

  Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08

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• Disneygeek77 member

  August 2009

  Ok I am only speaking from my own personal experience when I lost my daughter when she was 4 months old. I beg you, BEG you. Do not do a star, block or angel thing. Please do not do this. I know I would have hated something like that. What she needs most is not a drawn out letter ( unless you have gone through the same thing) all she needs is a simple "I am so sorry for your loss and you are in our prayers." You could also send her some gift cards to restaurants in her area like a cracker barrel. Cooking will be difficult at this time she will need fast, easy and comforting. She will also need someone to LISTEN to her. She will going through so many emotions and will need someone to talk to. For me that was the most difficult part. No one would listen to me. Every time I would try to open up about my disappointment or anger or grief someone would stop me and try to cheer me up. I didn't need cheering up I needed someone to listen to me, understand and mostly just let me mourn. Also later on if you and your husband can swing it you might also talk about helping out with grief counseling. That is what helped me the most. I know I am only speaking from my own personal experience but I just wanted to let you know what I needed at that time.

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