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oh where oh where did my BF go?

summerbride12summerbride12
in TTC After a Loss

So need advice:

So my best friends since grade school have left me high and dry with all of this stuff. I called and told them what had happened but that we were not going to dwell. I told that I was going to have a D&C. They have yet to call to say hi or to see how I am feeling. My best friends!!!!!! I understand they don't know what to say but a call to say hi. I had surgery!! I could be really sick right now and they would have no clue!!!!!!!

So what would you do....how would you feel?

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Re: oh where oh where did my BF go?

  • Addicted2thenotAddicted2thenot member
    Have not called since when? that is so $hitty of them. 
    I would be hurt all of my friends were calling, dropping off food, taking care of DS, asking if I needed groceries if they were headed to the grocery store. 

    Maybe they think you don't want to talk about it ??
    image
    Summer 2011
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers ~early M/C 4/09 ~ Ectopic 6/09~ BFP 11/09~
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  • summerbride12summerbride12

    Well its been over a week since the D&C. So not that long but come on my best friends!!!

    No I don't want to sit around having pp ask me questions about it but my friends should atleast call and say hi. I have another close friend who calls everyday and wait to see if I talk about it or if we are just going to talk about our day. She even texted me to see how the SIL baby shower went. One of the best friends who hasn't called knew about the baby shower coming up and that I was worried!! It just sucks!!

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  • happyhooplahappyhoopla member
    I totally understand your frustrations and why you're hurt by their (in)actions. Unfortunately, most people just don't know what to say or do in this situation. Not knowing your friends, I can't really say what they're thinking, but I doubt that they are staying away out of malice or because they don't care. More than likely, they think that you need some time to yourself and are waiting until you're ready to talk about it. I'm sorry that you are feeling alone at a time when love and support are so important. You definitely have all of us to talk to. *hugs*
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Loss #1 (missed miscarriage) 14 weeks Loss #2 (missed miscarriage) 10 weeks Loss #3 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #4 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #5 (chemical pregnancy)
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  • KateAndMarkKateAndMark

    Oh yes, my best friends did this also. Once I told them about our loss (they knew about the first lost also) they all went running for the hills. I heard from them a few months later.

     I really think it came down to them just not knowing what to say to me. I tried not to take it to personal.

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  • Addicted2thenotAddicted2thenot member
    imagesummerbride12:

    Well its been over a week since the D&C. So not that long but come on my best friends!!!

    No I don't want to sit around having pp ask me questions about it but my friends should atleast call and say hi. I have another close friend who calls everyday and wait to see if I talk about it or if we are just going to talk about our day. She even texted me to see how the SIL baby shower went. One of the best friends who hasn't called knew about the baby shower coming up and that I was worried!! It just sucks!!

    there is no excuse for that , I am sorry
    image
    Summer 2011
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers ~early M/C 4/09 ~ Ectopic 6/09~ BFP 11/09~
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  • redshoegirlredshoegirl member
    I didn't hear from one of my very best friends for weeks after I told her (she's in the USA, I'm in Australia, so we don't see each other in person - I just didn't get any emails or phone calls from her for ages). I was very hurt by it, and eventually called her out on it. She said that she just felt helpless because she didn't have any idea what to say to me, that she didn't want to say the wrong thing and didn't know if I wanted to talk about it. I told her that I could understand that, but I was still very hurt and needed her support - after that, she was much better because she knew that I did want to talk about it and that all she needed to say was, "I'm sorry for your loss."
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  • summerbride12summerbride12

     I know why they haven't called but still!! Just a call to say hi or to make plans to hang out. Everyone knows that when you are going through hard times it helps to stay busy...so make me busy!!

    I will call them out on this soon but for now I don't want to deal with it. It just makes me mad. Never in a million years would I ever drop a friend during a hard time. I hope they never have to go through this but if they do I'm glad they will have someone local for support(and I will tell them about  you ladies!!).

    All in all not knowing what to say or how to act is not a reason to call your friend of 20ish years during a hard time.

    Thanks ladies!!

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