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3rd Trimester
How to nicely tell friends and family not to come to hospital?
When DS was born it was a circus. I hated it. I felt like I had a whole waiting room full of people waiting on me to produce something that I couldn't control. After my c/s/DS' birth my room filled w/ friends and family. I can hardly even remember who was there or what happened. All I remember was that it was loud, other people had my baby and I wanted to scream at them all to leave, but of course didn't b/c somehow I knew that would be rude.
SO...this time I'm hoping for a lot more control over everything. I see no need for anyone but my DH to be there while we are waiting, during the birth or right afterwards. After she is born and we get settled I will gladly call people and invite them over if I feel up to it. If I have my VBAC I would rather everyone just come to our house over the next few days. If I have another c/s it will just depend on how I feel and how long we are in the hospital.
I understand that friends and family will want to see the baby, but I REALLY don't want it to be like last time.
How do I or How did you ask friends and family to stay home until they are called?
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Re: How to nicely tell friends and family not to come to hospital?
Oooh, that is my worst fear scenario, so many people at a time...
I'm sure nurses can be your best friend. Tell them you don't want more than 2 or 3 people, or have a list of ok'd people.
We didn't have friends and family at the hospital, but then, we didn't call them until after the baby was born. So it was easy - I had the baby, and when both of us were cleaned up, and I'd had a chance to pee, and the baby was latched on, I asked DH to get me my cell phone and he called his mom and I called mine. Non-family got an announcement via email a day or two later.
THe problem is, when you already have a kid, it's harder. Someone has to take care of your underfoot child... so you can't just keep it quiet until after the birth. Dangit.
I'd go with something like "I know I'm really going to want to rest right after the baby is born, and we'd like a chance to quietly introduce DS to the new baby, so we're asking people not to come to the hospital until we let them know we're ready for visitors."
And then I would ask the nursing staff to keep people out.
Yes! This IS the problem. I don't want to sound like a total b!tch, but I will have no choice but to call my mom or sister or BFF. One of these will have to have DS. I guess I'll just have to have a talk w/ them and ask them not to spread the news like wildfire!
I made it clear (in a kind way of course) that I'd like friends to come over after we get home and settled into a routine. Although my family is huge, I don't get along with all of them. I'm sure a few aunts and my grandma will come, but that's OK by me because they are quiet and don't cause any trouble. My DH's family lives out of town, so we'll only have his mom, step dad and aunt there. My aunts/grandma probably won't be there waiting until baby is born. They'll probably just stop by and visit some time afterward.
I specified on my hospital paperwork that the ONLY people allowed to get hospital information about me are my parents, that way I don't get a ton of people just calling and popping in. I also only plan on telling my parents (DH will tell the in-laws) when I go into labor. We asked that his family not come until I'm pushing b/c we heard it could take hours. Sure it might take 10 minutes too, but they don't need to know that
I have heard that nurses are really good at keeping people out of your room--they figure they'll never see them again so they're allowed to be a biotch...you're not. GL!
I think this is a difference between baby #1 and baby #2. For #2, I'm much more willing to tell people what I want rather than going w/ the flow and being misrible.
Just don't call anyone and tell them baby was born until your discharge day?
Or you could communicate to everyone that you plan on not having visitors. There's NOTHING wrong with saying that. Just tell them that you plan to rest and enjoy your baby.
And of course, there's also nothing wrong with having the grandparents visit their new grandbaby if you want. But do NOT feel obligated to have people come and visit you. And also, don't feel badly if they get offended.
DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR PLANS BEFOREHAND
seriously. we made the mistake of being honest, and it got us nowhere. sometimes you just have to shine people on.... just tell them afterwards why you did what you did or you could say "it happened oh so fast" :P
my MIL called me selfish... next day, she tried to talk my DH out of it again, and she ended up calling him p*ssywhipped. needless to say, there is lots of tension over here...
ditto. bc this is #2, you actually have an idea of how you'll feel and what you'll want.
i would honeslty just say, "hey, last time was a bit overwhelming for me, and with #1 already at home, i need all the time i can get to rest and get adjusted to #2 in the hospital. we're just gonna hold off on the visitors at the hospital. as soon as we're settled back at home and ready, we'll let you know."
Wow. At my hospital, there is 3 person visitor limit in both LDR and Mother-Baby rooms. That kinda takes care of the circus atmosphere, you know?
But I don't want a revolving door of visitors. I'm going to make up something about exposure to swine flu or something. *sigh* I just don't want to deal with people afterwards, until I've been home for a bit.