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3rd Trimester
essey1234
member
RE: MIL smoking -flame if you want.
essey1234
member
My opinion will not change.
ok so i normally don't obsess but this has been on my mind for the last 2 days since the original post.
the original post was from a lady who would not let her MIL hold her baby because she has taken up smoking again.
1st of all i am also a non-smoker, my mother does smoke
2nd i understand not wanting to have your child in her house or have her smoke around the baby
3rd, if you prevent your MIL from holding your child, you are being selfish and rediculous
it may be true that the smell or toxins linger on the clothes but unless your MIL never washes her clothes then the amount is very very minimal. by that token you should never allow the child outside due to car fumes, never pump gas with your child in the car, never put your child on the floor after washing the floors............i can go on forever.
my sister and brother both have kids already and my mother will go outside to smoke. they used to smoke in the house and have long since stopped. since it was made clear that they did not want the kids to be in a smokey house. a little while after that and after several good cleanings and airing they started going over to the house again.
As for the smell when MIL does come over. it is perfectly aceptable to ask her to wash with purell adn rinse with mouthwash. making her shower and get new clothes just for your house, ummmmmmmm no.
the MIL is/has clearly tried to stop and stopping is the hardest thing ever. the media has pumped up this 3rd-hand smoke thing for the last few years. I am not saying that it is untrue at all, but exposing kids to the clothing of the MIL for a few minutes or even hours a month(give or take) will not cause any damage. however preventing your MIL from touching or holding your child will.
my relationship with my grandmother was one of the strongest i have ever had. My neices and my mothers relationship is very close to that. find a way to deal.
would it be the same thing if it was your mother and not MIL? what if it was a smell, they say the same thing for perfumes as well. Be realistic and don't deprive your child of something very special in their lives
This discussion has been closed.
Re: RE: MIL smoking -flame if you want.
Where's the original post you're responding/reacting to?
I take 3rd hand smoke pretty seriously, so I would probably come down on the other side of this than you. To each her own. Seriously wondering where this post came from?
I have to agree with this. My mom smokes (although outside- NEVER in the house). I can't imagine telling her she has to shower and change everytime she holds the baby.
My in-laws are a different story because they do smoke in the house. I know my MIL has been trying really hard to quit (not sure about FIL) but DH is having a really hard time coming up with a way for us to say that we won't bring Madison over there if they continue to smoke in the house. It's hard, she's so excited about this baby and we don't want to hurt her feelings, but we're both on board that we are not having her over there in that situation. They are, however, more than welcome to come over and see her at our house.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
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I don't disagree with you. I've thrown down with mum about smoking but I'd never forbid her access to her grandkid.
But you should spell check your post, cause otherwise it takes away from your point.
The post is about 10,000 or so back.
Kinda strange to be responding now.
I think anybody can quit smoking with enough will power. It's such a nasty habit.
I agree 100% though...
I don't see one thing spelled wrong...
I am so glad that no one regularly around my kid is a smoker - because I would not want them holding her either, especially as a newborn.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-is-third-hand-smoke
hmm...while I DO agree with your point...
smoking is one of the few harmful habits that people inflict on themselves (despite knowing how harmful it is) that directly affect other people; whether it be second hand, third hand smoke, or even just the disgusting nauseating smell that lingers.
I think that to the OP who doesn't want someone who reeks of cigarette smoke holding her baby or letting her in her house- I can see her perspective.
But I also agree with you- she shouldn't be kept from her g'ma completely. There should be some kind of balance.
3rd hand smoke (the smokes that clings to clothing, hair, and skin) can actually cause problems. I sometimes have a hard time breathing around people who have just come back from a smoke break. But I thought you might like to hear this side:
DH's mother smokes. Like a chimney. Her second husband (they are now divorced, but he sort-of raised DH) also smoked. They'de go through several packs a day...each. DH is now so virulantly anti-smoking that he won't even watch TV in which smoking is prominent (Mad Men, etc). Won't go to anywhere there is a smoking section, etc. He and his mother are estranged (we've spoken once on the phone in 2002) and she lives 3000mi away. He sometimes mentions that maybe he should call/visit, etc. Esp. since we are expecting and DH is her only child. But he flat out refuses to have her bring ANY smoke around our child. Meaning we would not go to her house and she must shower and have a fresh change of clothes prior to the visit. And this is HIS mother, not an in-law.
For myself, I'd probably ask a smoker (or toker or strong perfume wearer) to wash their hands, arms, and face prior to holding. But I think the change of clothing is a bit much. But this is HIS mother and HIS decision.
No one in my immediate family is a smoker so it's won't be an issue for me. My husband is a chemist so he thinks differently about the carcinogens that linger after smoking (3rd hand), as do I. When he works with things that contain carcinogens he wears a respirator. There are hundreds of dangerous chemicals in cigarette smoke and they don't just blow away when the smoke clears.
We all have to do what we are comfortable with. Even if some of my extended family/friends think I'm crazy they aren't smoking anywhere near my baby and my baby isn't playing on the floor at a smoker's house.
Actually, you are wrong. Read the article Toledo provided. If you're too busy at work, here you go: "The level of toxicity in cigarette smoke is just astronomical when compared to other environmental toxins [such as particles found in automobile exhaust]," So no, it is not like car exhaust. If you don't mind smokers holding your child, no problem, but let other people raise their children the way they want. And next time spend your two days thinking about something more positive instead of steaming over a post on thebump.
BFP #3 -mm/c @ 7wks, discovered at 9wks, D&C 9/28
BFP #4 5/29 EDD 2/9 - please be our rainbow
That's totally fine if you want to do that. We all are allowed to make decisions about how we raise our children.
Personally, I think smoking is disgusting and I don't want my baby having to smell it on anyones clothing. I don't want my baby's clothes to smell like smoke when they are handed back to me either. I do not smoke and I do not condone it. It is gross and dirty IMO.
My brother smokes and when he comes up here to visit he WILL shower and change his clothes after everytime he smokes. I don't care if people think I am be crazy...it's just the rules at my house. I personally wish my brother wouldn't smoke for his own health, but I WILL NOT let his bad choices hurt my baby.
There has been a lot of information out about 3rd hand smoke lately and it turns out it can be very harmful. I wouldn't let anyone that smokes near my baby but hey, to each her own.
So was your husband a smoker before you married him? Just wondering because it doesn't make sense to marry someone your allergic too.
Not all babies have allergies.
I have to say..I have no smokers in the family but if I did...I would ask them to wash up a little before holding the baby.
When my son was in the NICU, we were advised by the neonatologist that if someone was smoking, they need to 1.smoke outside 2. wear a sweatshirt /jakcet or something removable when they come inside, and 3. wash their hands.
So I do assume the smell/fumes do bother the baby...but whatever is acceptable to each person is their own right.
not flaming, but completely diagreeing with you--esp when it comes to the hazards of second hand smoke--