Wow! Have you read this?? RP:

Dani123 · August 2009

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/20780503.aspx

Hmm, I never really thought about some of the things they've said...I guess I just hadnt given it so much thought...Kinda makes me think of maybe what else is out there I havent thought of...I say NO, often, OBVIOUSLY, because I have a toddler and I DO almost always follow it with an explanation.."No you cant stand on the couch, you may sit on the couch or get off", "No, you may not hit Ashlee, touch gently or leave her alone" kinda like that. Im sure I have just said NO before without a reason but I guess its because what shes doing, I know, she knows is wrong.... So maybe I didnt feel the need to explain... This post, I dont know, really made me think I guess.... You only get one shot to mold these kids you know?? Kinda scary, exciting and overwhelming all at once!

Dani123 · August 2009

DISCLAIMER: Im not "knocking" their board, only my 2nd time over there, this post just interested me, wondering if yall had ever thought about it.

brittneycc1982 · August 2009

Just in the past 2 or 3 months I have been trying not to say no. Before, I was doing timeouts because she was always doing something to get hurt. Since I started focusing more on redirecting, I have not had to do timeout at all!! She is such a good listener now. Maybe it's just that she is older, idk... but I will continue this because it's working so well!

There are, however, times when I do have to say no because she is doing something really dangerous like running by the pool!

Dani123 · August 2009

Right...Ive been doing a lot of redirecting since she was little, just something I always did, I think it stemmed from when she was an infant and would get upset, you know?, I was always jiggling something or showing her something to soothe her, then when crawling and going into a "bad area" you move them somewhere else more condusive to a crawler, same with walking, so it just kinda snowballed into something I always did, kwim? (OOHHH WOW LOOK AT THIS, or OOOH LOOK AT THAT BIRD, etc) But now with the redirection you gotta explain, this parenting thing is like a full time job! LMAO j/k

brittneycc1982 · August 2009

I know! I don't recall interviewing for this posistion! LOL

Dani123 · August 2009

LMAO!!! I have been lurking on AP a little today and asked a few questions, (havent check my responses though) hope its not too bad LOL, I just dont understand some of the principles really...Im curious...Esp the babywearing., but I am interested.

brittneycc1982 · August 2009

I don't get it either, which is why I am not an AP mom. GL! I am going to spy right now.. lol

JulieandBen · August 2009

I haven't read the link.

I have always tried not to say the word no to Jack unless he's asking for something. Then I'll usually say you can't have so and so right now because it's almost dinner time. Or something like that.

I read long ago that 'no' is an easy word to tune out. I have always worded it like 'We don't do X, we do Y and here's the reason.' I think once you take those trigger words out your child is more likely to listen to you. Rather than thinking there's that word I don't like again.

brittneycc1982 · August 2009

Eh, I was going to respond over there but didn't have the balls. lol

Anyhow, maybe I need to start wearing S because she never wants anyone oher than DH, my sister and I to hold her! I totally know what you mean though! It seems like they would become very dependant on mommy!

(BTW, remember my BIL who babies the crap out of my nephew?! Well, I just found out that they won't let him take a bath in the big tub yet! It's "too dangerous"!!! They're killin me! THAT kid is going to be either be super dependant or hate his parents.)

Dani123 · August 2009

Wow that is protective! I couldnt WAIT to put M in the big tub, I was so excited FOR HER LOL! Did you read before I bathed the girls together, BY MYSELF!! lol DH was in bed not feeling well and I HAD to bathe them so I put M in with A on my lap then I undressed A and put her in while holding her with one hand...(you should have seen M's face, like WTF is she doing in MY tub!!) lol THen I washed A with my other hand and pulled her out, dried and changed her. THEN, I washed M with one hand, shes good and stands up for me, turns around, etc. then rinse. I put A on a towel while I took M out and dried and changed her! I FELT LIKE SUPERMOM FOR SURE!! after that LOL LOL

brittneycc1982 · August 2009

Lol, that's awesome. I debated doing that the other day. I freaked myself out though and couldn't do it! GJ!

Dani123 · August 2009

You should try tonite!!! It wasnt that bad, the hardest part was putting A down to take M out cause I had to put her on the floor on a towel but it was fine....its the only thing I couldnt do one handed cause shes wet.

momofolivia · August 2009

I have come back with a lot of good advice on that board regarding discipline. DH and I have been struggling as Olivia has gotten older and more independent. After reading various posts on that board (and this one) I talked to DH and one main thing we did was work to eliminate NO from our vocab.

I read someehere that you can use that annoying car alarm sound - erh, erh, erh. to grab their attention, and we have been doing that. But I like "stop" much more. I like that idea that it gives them a direction, plus an attention getter.

We have seen a great deal of success just over the past week with Olivia by implementing some of these AP ideas.

I think it is just education. The label ("AP") pisses some people off, but the principles are helpful and insightful.

Dani123 · August 2009

I agree with the "AP" part.....I was doing a lot of AP things and not realizing it was "AP" some of it was just common sense to us, kwim? Like redirecting especially....who doesnt try to get their kids attention with a Wow look at this, or a WHOA whos over here, kinda thing? A lot of the principles do intrigue me though, and I dont understand....Just seems very one track to me, you know?? Like doesnt leave much room for deviation.... Moms are ONLY HUMAN, and I dont see anything wrong with a mom feeling the urge to NOT hold her baby for a little bit or using a playmat so the kid can entertain themselves (while learning to self soothe) so mom can have a breather or stretch her back, legs, etc. Just seems so frowned upon, I think thats the part I dont like.. BUT I do use some of their principles...

triplea1819 · August 2009

I dont mean to knock re-directing, but I am sorry redirecting does not work ALL the time. Sometimes time outs, or something else is necessary.

and NEVER using the word No, and just explaining, sorry, same thing as above. It works in some cases, and in others it does not.

What happens when a child goes to school, and the child asks, may I go to the bathroom, and the teachers, says, no I am sorry you can not right now.

How will the child handle hearing no? I think there comes a certain age when kids need to learn that No means No without an explanation. When your child is 15 and can reason better than you can to go out, and your answer is just no, not tonight, what will someone say? No is not the not the best word, but sometimes it is necessary.

Halo79RN · August 2009

triplea1819:
I dont mean to knock re-directing, but I am sorry redirecting does not work ALL the time. Sometimes time outs, or something else is necessary.

and NEVER using the word No, and just explaining, sorry, same thing as above. It works in some cases, and in others it does not.

What happens when a child goes to school, and the child asks, may I go to the bathroom, and the teachers, says, no I am sorry you can not right now.

How will the child handle hearing no? I think there comes a certain age when kids need to learn that No means No without an explanation. When your child is 15 and can reason better than you can to go out, and your answer is just no, not tonight, what will someone say? No is not the not the best word, but sometimes it is necessary.

I agree. I think the biggest thing is that I talk to my children like human beings and not like pets. I do explain where I can but there are times that they just get a flat out no. no sorry... just no... that's not gonna happen right now. But I don't use it all the time. but that was a long post .. those posts kind of annoy me.. long, drawn out... people saying the same thing over and over.

JulieandBen · August 2009

Dani123:
I agree with the "AP" part.....I was doing a lot of AP things and not realizing it was "AP" some of it was just common sense to us, kwim? Like redirecting especially....who doesnt try to get their kids attention with a Wow look at this, or a WHOA whos over here, kinda thing? A lot of the principles do intrigue me though, and I dont understand....Just seems very one track to me, you know?? Like doesnt leave much room for deviation.... Moms are ONLY HUMAN, and I dont see anything wrong with a mom feeling the urge to NOT hold her baby for a little bit or using a playmat so the kid can entertain themselves (while learning to self soothe) so mom can have a breather or stretch her back, legs, etc. Just seems so frowned upon, I think thats the part I dont like.. BUT I do use some of their principles...

This is my thing about 'AP' discipline. I didn't know any of the 'principles' of AP discipline before the other week. It sort of bothers me that they call them their principles when it's really just common sense. My discipline style to me is common sense not AP. It's just a coincidence that some of them happen to be the same. I'm not trying to hate. I think it's a little absurd.

So Long Astoria · August 2009

My daughter hears "no" about a gazillion times a day.

I think this kind of "gentle parenting" and not saying no garbage is why so many kids turn out to be disrespectful a**holes. You are the adult. You are the parent, and sometimes they need to hear no. That's life.

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