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2nd Trimester
I don't want to tell anyone!
My DH is nagging me to tell my work and his family. I already told my mom(my only family anyway) and close friends right away but I have become paralyzed when it comes to telling anyone else. If I had my way I wouldn't tell anyone- ever. I feel so creepy private, but I just want to keep it a secret as long as I can. My DH says I am being unreasonable. Anyone else feel this way? How long did some of you wait?
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Re: I don't want to tell anyone!
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2007-Sept 2008: TTC the old fashioned way
Sept 2008 - Jan 2009: Clomid 100mg
Feb 2009: 200mg Clomid = BFP! on March 20, 2009 - It's a BOY!
Nov 26th 2009: Aidan Michael, 20.5" 7lb12oz
Feb 2010: Start TTC again, the old fashioned way
Mar - June 2011: Clomid 100mg
July 2011: Unmedicated cycle = BFP! on August 29th, 2011
Nov 6th 2011: m/c due to subchorionic hematoma
Dec 2011: Start TTC again, unmedicated
February 12th, 2012: BFP! EDD 10/23/12
Mar 12th 2012: diagnosed as blighted ovum
Trying again..
I told my boss and one of my coworkers at 17weeks. And I told them they could blab it to the rest of the office. Then I didn't have to walk around and say "guess what, I got KTFU."
You should let DH tell his family - they will be hurt if you wait too much longer.
I felt like that too. We told our families and close friends (which include 3 coworkers of mine), but then I was done. At the end of the school year (I was about 12 weeks), my coworkers made me tell our principal. Which really was smart considering that the next time he'd see me I'd have the big bump...nothing like "SURPRISE!"
As for the rest of our friends, coworkers, etc... I put a message on facebook when we found out the sex (way easier than in person...so what I chickened out). For the others, I just let them find out on their own. DH, however, told EVERYone. He was even talking to other couples in the doctors. It's just not me; I'm too timid and private.
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
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Honestly, I don't understand. Why don't you want to tell? Maybe I don't know the whole story.
LOL at creepy private. I'm the same exact way! I didn't tell anyone until last week and I felt like I needed to because it was getting too far along to keep it a secret.
I already regret telling my cousin who now emails and calls constantly asking me questions and has already noted that she "can't wait to see me fat." Also, since this is may second pregnancy and I already have a LO I've been getting all the comments... "On purpose" is the one I've heard most this week. I knew this was coming so I was really dreading telling people. Drives me crazy. I feel like pregnancy is long enough without having to deal with all the crazy from other people. It's annoying.
I was scared to tell my job so I didn't say anything. ?When we go back to school in 3 weeks, it's going to be pretty obvious by then.
As far as family goes, we told right away.?
I don't see a problem with waiting to tell work until you are ready, although I would do it when you start to show. However, I do think you should let DH tell his family, especially since you have told your family and close friends. Obviously I don't know your relationship with his family, but they are part of the baby's family, too. I think it is only fair that they know when some of your friends already know.
FWIW, my two closest friends kind of figured it out (partly because I didn't deny it) right away. We told our families at about 11 weeks, and we've been telling people since then. My boss still doesn't know, but that it because I am a teacher, and I don't think it is something that should be said over e-mail. I will let her know immediately when the school year begins.
We pretty much told right away. I couldn't keep the secret.
I agree that you should tell DH's family - let him tell at least - as soon as possible. It's not a good thing to try and hide something like this from family.
As far as work... I'd go ahead and let your boss know so that you are giving plenty of notice about when you expect to be out for maternity leave. But if you aren't comfortable telling others that you work with then no big deal. The rest of the world will figure it out soon enough.
I told everyone right away. I would die if no one knew. The other day my mom's friend goes, "your pregnant?? I thought you were just gaining lots of weight"
whaaaaaaat?
I felt the same way, but it does feel better once you tell. I do think that you owe it to your family and at least your boss to let them know what's going on. Your family, because, well that is what family is for, and your boss because you're going to be leaving for at least a few weeks and they need to know about it. I was really scared to tell work (I work with all men) but once I told my boss I was glad he took it very positively, it took a lot of weight off my shoulders.
Other than that, secret away! I hope I never ever get outed on FB and immediately delete all baby related comments from my family! I don't know why, I just don't want the world to know! I'm still slowly leaking it to good friends....
They still have a right to know that there is going to be a new family member. If your DH wants to tell them then you shouldn't stop him.
Ditto this.
Meh.. I don't know. Obviously, if it's important to your DH to tell his family now, that's something you need to discuss. But I don't think anyone as a "right" to know. If you and your DH are not close to his family and you think that it will cause you stress, then I think that is something that needs to be discussed. The only people that have a "right" to know are you and your DH.
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I had some bleeding at exactly 8 weeks. I didn't tell at work till I was 15-16 weeks. The only people who knew where those I was close with and it would directly effect and then the Midwife so I had some reassurance.
Like PP said sooner or later people will know. I was able to hide it completly until about 20 weeks and If I wear my larger scrubs you still cant tell. I know for me I keep getting how big I got but then I remind them They found out when I was close to 16 and then they laugh and say i'm small
It was sorta awkward, but I made myself do it. I felt like I was telling people, "HEY! WE TOTALLY HAD SEX AND NOW I'M KNOCKED UP!"
I guess it was all of those years of health class and Catholic school that had me feeling guilty. LOL
I have no problems with people wanting to keep it a secret. But, if DH wants his family to know, and you have told yours and friends, I think that he should be allowed to tell his family. They may not be your favorite people in the world but unless there is some truly horrible reason to keep the news from them that you and DH agree upon, he should get to have a support system too.
When you tell your work is your own business but it sounds like you think his aunt will blab all over the company? If thats the case I might tell my boss the same day/next day after his family finds out or see if aunt can promise to keep her mouth shut...I didn't tell anyone but my bosses at work because there is alot of heavy lifting (boxes of tile, wood floors, racking, etc) and I was nervous for my 1st baby so I wanted the support of management on lifting too heavy of things. Other than that I kept doing my job (still lifting tile, just not the 18x18s...) People started noticing that way for me and one confronted me about not doing my job so I figured I'd better tell...Can't blame a bad back/soreness forever.. unfortunately.....
Sorry I don't believe anyone has a 'right' to know anything about your family. You, DH and the baby are family, they are extended family. They have no rights when it comes to your family.
I do think though that if DH wants to get the news out you should be a little more understanding to that. But I understand your apprehension. I didn't have it so much the first time I was pregnant, though we waited until the 2nd trimester. This time around I feel more awkward.
One, I just don't like having to make some big 'announcement' like hey I'm pregnant. It's like hey in case you didn't know already here's confirmation that we have sex! I'd just rather the word got around or send some email. This time it was easy because I could just put a big brother t-shirt on DS and let him tell everyone.
Two, I'm just dealing with more guilt this time around just by being pregnant and having a healthy baby (we hope). I'm surrounded by so many people who can't and I just feel like it's not fair for them and don't want to attract fuss over myself for it.
Three, given some things that have gone on in my family over the last year or so my dad is beside himself nervous about me being pregnant. I think next time around I'll wait until 20wks or as long as I possibly can to tell people. Just to spare him (and my mom) any additional time of worry.
I didn't tell my family when I was pg with my DS until after the 20 week u/s... mainly because I was super young and in denial and I was scared that they would be unsupportive and disappointed.. but once I had the BIG u/s and found out it was a boy it made everything so real, and i told them the next day-- they were shocked to find out I was 5 months along! AND to top it all off, they were very supportive and spoil him all the time! They wouldn't have it any other way, they love him to bits!
With this pregnancy I told them like a week after I found out because a.) I was really excited! b.) it was actually planned! c.) i was like 2 weeks from our wedding! d.) people were kinda expecting it soon anyways since carson was almost 2 and they knew we wanted more kids and not that far apart!
So my 2 pregnancies were totally different! This one seems to be MUCH much longer- to me and everyone else! they have to wait the whole 9 months this time! instead of just 4 months! lol
THIS!! I really, honestly don't understand not wanting to tell. I was just so excited about it, I couldn't keep something *that big* bottled up. And yes, i've had a m/c before and no, it didn't matter how early I told this time around, either.