I can't do it all by myself anymore...just need to vent.

mrsrose16 · August 2009

I just put dd down for bed. I got home from work at 5:45 tonight, and got up at 5:30 this morning. I still have to clean up/pick up the house, wash the dishes, pay the bills, sort out the giant stack of mail, take the trashcans in, do laundry, get dd's stuff ready for the babysitter tomorrow, make lunches, and more. I've already made dinner, played with dd, gave her a bath...my dh works a lot...14 hour days 6 days a week. I have no help. I have two kids. I do everything. I try to keep up every day, but I've gotten behind due to work. I've asked dh many, many, many times to at least pick up/clean up for 15 minutes a day to help out. Nothing. I don't know what to do...I needed to get that off of my chest.

VinBert · August 2009

A mother's work is never done..... hang in there

alicatt79 · August 2009

I'm so sorry you're stressed. Can you make a to-do list with your DH so you can both agree to do some things? Is there anything you can let go?

Again, I'm sorry. We won't ask you to do anything!

pivey · August 2009

I'm with VinBert -sorry love but it is what is it. The same for most all of us. Breathe when you can and learn to forgive...yourself, not necessarily others

mrsrose16 · August 2009

alicatt79:

I'm so sorry you're stressed. Can you make a to-do list with your DH so you can both agree to do some things? Is there anything you can let go?

Again, I'm sorry. We won't ask you to do anything!

Thanks...I'm glad you guys won't ask me to do anything...I should be working, but I had to take 5 min for myself before I begin the marathon...

emiliemadison · August 2009

Stop doing HIS stuff. Maybe when he is wearing the same pair of underwear for the 4th day in a row and hasnt eaten a cooked meal off a clean plate for a week, he'll get the picture. You will have to deal with living with the mess in the mean time, but wont it be worth it? Seriously, I just cant fathom how people stay married when one of them does nothing. Dont let that happen. Stop "asking" for help- DEMAND that he uphold his responsiblities as a husband and a father. And remind him that child support is expensive.

C.squared · August 2009

*Hugs* I was just thinking the same thing and I think I'm going to go to bed and deal with some of it in the morning. My DH and I have argued about this a lot and he always feels as though I'm "adding" to his list and that causes problems. I've started asking him if he can do X while I do Y and that seems to help. There are definitely times that I feel like a single mom, though. Hang in there - it's not the end of the world if the laundry doesn't get done or the dishes don't get washed tonight.

DelGrecoBride · August 2009

AWWW these posts make me so sad...i so wish i could drive out there and help you

userdeleted · August 2009

I am so sorry. I can't imagine the stress you must be under.

You and your husband both must just be frazzled with work and family obligations. Is there any area where either of you could downsize at all? I mean, even if it means selling your house, moving somewhere less expensive, getting closer to family so there is some help sometimes...I know it's easier said than done, but are there any options you haven't considered yet?

emiliemadison · August 2009

pivey:
I'm with VinBert -sorry love but it is what is it. The same for most all of us. Breathe when you can and learn to forgive...yourself, not necessarily others

That's a load of SH!T. Sorry, but this is NOT "what it is" and it's NOT the same for most of us. Men are not lazy, careless creatures who get a pass on responsiblity, and women are not martyrs who are expected to do it all.

Nothing irritates me more than the "That's a man for you" lines or when women tell other women that they should just accept their husband's atrocious behaviour because "it is what it is". No, that's how it is if you ALLOW it to be that way.

If you're married with kids, you are partners. Fine if you are perfectly happy and willing to do it all and not have him lift a finger. But if you are unhappy with the situation, then CHANGE IT. You dont have to sit by, getting more and more resentful. Do something.

VinBert · August 2009

emiliemadison:

pivey:
I'm with VinBert -sorry love but it is what is it. The same for most all of us. Breathe when you can and learn to forgive...yourself, not necessarily others

That's a load of SH!T. Sorry, but this is NOT "what it is" and it's NOT the same for most of us. Men are not lazy, careless creatures who get a pass on responsiblity, and women are not martyrs who are expected to do it all.

Nothing irritates me more than the "That's a man for you" lines or when women tell other women that they should just accept their husband's atrocious behaviour because "it is what it is". No, that's how it is if you ALLOW it to be that way.

If you're married with kids, you are partners. Fine if you are perfectly happy and willing to do it all and not have him lift a finger. But if you are unhappy with the situation, then CHANGE IT. You dont have to sit by, getting more and more resentful. Do something.

My husband does more than me around the house and we both know it. What I meant by my comment is that being a mother is a big responsibility and you will never feel caught up.

pivey · August 2009

emiliemadison:
pivey:
I'm with VinBert -sorry love but it is what is it. The same for most all of us. Breathe when you can and learn to forgive...yourself, not necessarily others
That's a load of SH!T. Sorry, but this is NOT "what it is" and it's NOT the same for most of us. Men are not lazy, careless creatures who get a pass on responsiblity, and women are not martyrs who are expected to do it all.
Nothing irritates me more than the "That's a man for you" lines or when women tell other women that they should just accept their husband's atrocious behaviour because "it is what it is". No, that's how it is if you ALLOW it to be that way.
If you're married with kids, you are partners. Fine if you are perfectly happy and willing to do it all and not have him lift a finger. But if you are unhappy with the situation, then CHANGE IT. You dont have to sit by, getting more and more resentful. Do something.

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give you all a big fuckyouverymuch because my husband is VERY hand on and helps out as best he can. Gets up early, takes care of A., helps put her to bed, etc. Still, I have laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc to do. It IS that is is - it's not bullsh!t. And NO one, I mean NO ONE who is not in any particular relationship has the right to judge it. Yes, we can say he "seems" like an a-hole, but you aren't there...so I say, again to OP, I am sorry, it is hard, and to take your time, forgive yourself if you are holding your self accountable for things not done, and better times tomorrow.

mrsrose16 · August 2009

Rach03k:

I am so sorry. I can't imagine the stress you must be under.

You and your husband both must just be frazzled with work and family obligations. Is there any area where either of you could downsize at all? I mean, even if it means selling your house, moving somewhere less expensive, getting closer to family so there is some help sometimes...I know it's easier said than done, but are there any options you haven't considered yet?

I am thankful he has a job in the auto industry in this economy, he's been laid off three times in the last couple of years...we are so upside down on our house that the only option would be to walk away. Not at that point yet. But I do need to be more on him to do more, even if that does mean like pp's said not doing his stuff. I left him a message at work to call me so I can talk to him.

adamwife · August 2009

I'm sorry.

emiliemadison · August 2009

pivey:
emiliemadison:
pivey:
I'm with VinBert -sorry love but it is what is it. The same for most all of us. Breathe when you can and learn to forgive...yourself, not necessarily others
That's a load of SH!T. Sorry, but this is NOT "what it is" and it's NOT the same for most of us. Men are not lazy, careless creatures who get a pass on responsiblity, and women are not martyrs who are expected to do it all.
Nothing irritates me more than the "That's a man for you" lines or when women tell other women that they should just accept their husband's atrocious behaviour because "it is what it is". No, that's how it is if you ALLOW it to be that way.
If you're married with kids, you are partners. Fine if you are perfectly happy and willing to do it all and not have him lift a finger. But if you are unhappy with the situation, then CHANGE IT. You dont have to sit by, getting more and more resentful. Do something.
I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give you all a big fuckyouverymuch because my husband is VERY hand on and helps out as best he can. Gets up early, takes care of A., helps put her to bed, etc. Still, I have laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc to do. It IS that is is - it's not bullsh!t. And NO one, I mean NO ONE who is not in any particular relationship has the right to judge it. Yes, we can say he "seems" like an a-hole, but you aren't there...so I say, again to OP, I am sorry, it is hard, and to take your time, forgive yourself if you are holding your self accountable for things not done, and better times tomorrow.

I said it was bullsh!t that most of us have to do everything and that most of our husbands do not contribute to helping with the children or the housework. I'm saying that if someone is unhappy in a situation, then they should do what's in their power to change it, and that excusing someone's poor behaviour on the fact that they are a man is a copout for both people involved.

userdeleted · August 2009

mrsrose16:
Rach03k:

I am so sorry. I can't imagine the stress you must be under.

You and your husband both must just be frazzled with work and family obligations. Is there any area where either of you could downsize at all? I mean, even if it means selling your house, moving somewhere less expensive, getting closer to family so there is some help sometimes...I know it's easier said than done, but are there any options you haven't considered yet?

I am thankful he has a job in the auto industry in this economy, he's been laid off three times in the last couple of years...we are so upside down on our house that the only option would be to walk away. Not at that point yet. But I do need to be more on him to do more, even if that does mean like pp's said not doing his stuff. I left him a message at work to call me so I can talk to him.

Good luck talking to him. I know it can be hard when both parties are so exhausted - but I really do hope he listens and starts helping out more. I'm sorry that you guys are in such a tough place right now and I hope it gets better soon.

mrsrose16 · August 2009

Thanks for all of your words...I'm off to work...I'll check back in a couple of hours...

prissybride · August 2009

I have been there...and i am there...you cant blame anyone...even your DH he works 14 hr days....i know u feel like u cant get a break why should he...its a never ending cycle.

When u get 5 mins....trust me if u do this it will help you tremendously....make a list of everything that needs to be done..put a column for name, task, frequency(daily, weekly, monthly), priority (high, low, medium). Then talk with your DH and decide who does what. You cant do everything, things that are low priority some days u are going to be dead tired, so u make u a nice hot chocolate/milk/glass of wine u relax for 10 mins and go to bed...and say screw the dusting tonight. I also make menus and try to pre-do things to make it easier for me.

Take it one day at a time. Hang in there it will get better.

KimW · August 2009

Can you look into getting a cleaning lady once a week or something? At least to help with the bigger cleaning jobs to get those off your plate. Floors, bathrooms, etc...good luck!

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I can't do it all by myself anymore...just need to vent.

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