- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Success after IF
GreenEyedGal
member
Can I get some relationship advice?
GreenEyedGal
member
Ok, I'm going to try to make this so that I don't end up typing an essay.
So my husband became really close to his male co-worker about 2 years ago and now they are basically best friends now. Just recently, my husband and his friend introduced me and his wife, whom I am also becoming really close to. She has the same personality as me and we have basically clicked from the start. Also, she just had a baby boy in May so there's one more thing we have in common. We keep talking about our little boys having play dates and I admit that I am looking forward to this.
The 4 of us have been hanging out alot (twice a week) and there are times where our husbands (actually, they aren't married or even enagaged) would go see a movie and me and her would just hang out with her baby and talk about our deep dark secrets. Ultimately, I really like her EXCEPT.....
She seems to be touchy-feely with my husband and I find this uncomfortable. Let me begin by saying that she is an attractive woman. She bounced back from pregnancy in a matter of no time and she's just an overall really pretty girl. I, myself, am of course insecure right now because I'm currently a waddling whale. The fact that she's thin and I'm 'plus sized' pre-pregnancy doesn't help either. My husband is a gentleman, he doesn't look at her but he is a man and I just know that he notices her looks. That's fine, whatever. Nonetheless, I don't like the way she "touches" him. I don't know how to explain it, it's pretty harmless but it's still in that cute-first-date-flirting kind of way that. Like she'll nudge him or "punch" him playfully on his shoulder and it's something you do when you flirt, in my opinion. Just yesterday, the 4 of us went to Target to look at board games and my husband was reading the back of one and she came up to read too and I noticed she was really close to his face.
Little things like that bother me and I don't know whether to tell my husband it makes me uncomfortable or just keep it inside. What is he going to do if I tell him? Nothing, it's just going to make him uncomfortable every time she nudges him knowing that I am dying inside.
Let me also add by saying that I'm not the same way with her boyfriend and I don't think she would appreciate it if I was. I do not touch him whatsoever.
In the end, I do trust her and trust my husband more. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm just insecure right now because I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and horomonal but I just can't seem to stop thinking about it.
Please tell me, am I overreacting? Should I bring it up to my husband? What would you do?
TTC#1=Feb 2009: 50 mg Clomid+Ovidrel shot+Metformin+Dexamethasone+TI=BFP!
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can I get some relationship advice?
Some people are just that way. My mom's best friend is like that with my dad all the time. It's just who she is and no one really pays any attention to it. Once in a while my dad will joke around and tell her to get off of him.
You brought up your insecurities about your body and being pregnant and possibly hormonal. Do you think it might be worth waiting to see if this feeling passes before bringing it up with him?
I have a couple of friends that are like that. They are touchy feelie huggy types. It is just their personality.
Since she does it and I am sure is not even aware how flirtatious it comes off to on lookers, I would just let it slide. You could always ask your husband how he feels when she does X, but as you said, it will just open an uncomfortable can of worms.
I would try to deal with your insecurities from within at this point. Pregnancy is beautiful and so are you! That is why your husband chose you as a life mate and the mother of his child(ren)!!
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
sticky situation... this is JMO but in some ways I speak with experience. My DH is a HUGE flirt, I have never once thought in a million years that he would cheat on me so I for the most part ignore it. However there have been times when the flirting wether it's him or the girl (mostly people at work) have over stepped my limits. Let me tell you I am not the jealous type at all. here's an example... This girl that worked with DH... I knew her, we had hung out with her on various occassions etc... would call DH in the evenings (DH works in the mortgage biz, so he works pretty late, he's a manager so sometimes he gets calls at night. most of the time I'm cool with it) Anyway, this girl called our house at 11:00 on a Wednesday night. Well, I was PI$$ed and I was not about to bite my tongue. At first I told DH that I felt it was inappropriate, he responded by it was a work questions... I told him at 11 there was nothing you could do about it so unless she was in the hospital it could wait til morning. I looked at him and simply said either you tell her to stop calling you or I will, end of statement. He went to work and told her how I felt, that it was disrespectful to me and I was not happy about it. She called me the next day and appologized stating that she just was not thinking and that she was sorry. It never happened again and everyone was fine.
Personally, I feel like if you are open and honest with your DH about how you are feeling he will understand and if you are that close with her she would maybe understand... but it might make things a little uncomfortable. If you trust her and your DH, I would not let it bother you, some people are just touchy feely... i'm very out spoken when something bothers me so I will speak up, maybe you could find a light hearted way to get your point accross???
If I had to be perfectly honest with you, I am very much that way. Or, I used to be. I honestly had no idea until my husband pointed it out. It is just my personality. If someone has not pointed it out to her, she really may have no clue that what she is doing looks kind of suspicious in others' eyes. I really had to work on it b/c, while I was never intentionally flirting with my husband's friends or my customers at the restaurant where I worked, or whomever, it obviously came across that way to him.
I'd wait it out, and if it doesn't get more comfortable for you, ask your husband to talk to his friend. I'm sure he'd understand!
I'm not sure if that's how she is with everyone seeing as how just the 4 of us hang out. We did have dinner with another couple last night but we watched a movie so it didn't give me a chance to "observe" how she was with the other husband.
She is very giggly, peppy and cute so I want to say that that's how she is with everyone. She even sometimes calls me "sweety". I wonder if I would feel the same way if she wasn't as attractive as she is, my guess is no.
I'm going to take you girls' advice and just assume that she doesn't realize she's doing it. Like I said, I really do like her and very much enjoy her company so in way, I do trust her.
Of course, I'm not going to completely let this "slide" but I will bite my tongue and not say anything to my husband unless it comes to the point where I have a reason to. I guess I should wait until after I give birth and lose the 21+ pounds that I'm currently packing to see if that makes a difference.
Thank you so much girls! I very very very much appreciate your input!!!
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
exactly. Have you seen her interact with other men to see if she acts the same way with them?????
I would let it go, at least for the next while - ie. re-evaluate how you feel in a few months. IMO it is really hard to find couples to be friends with where you both get along with both of the people in the other couple, so you are lucky to have that to begin with. I would bet that - like pp said - she is just that type of person and it's not worth stirring sh*t up over.
GL!!
this
Or at least point it out to your husband. My husband is oblivious to this stuff
my personality is I would be making some passive aggressive snide comments until she got it...
"Susi, you're making me jealous when you feel up my husband... stop groping him unless you buy us dinner 1st" or "Watch out honey, Susi is getting fresh with you again" .... kinda playful, but I'd say it one too many times, then she would finally get the hint and stop it, or ask me about it, and not realize she's doing it....
but chances are she'd either still do it, cuz that's what she does, or she would think you're a freak and not wanna play with you anymore. lol.
I would feel the same way as you, though. You're not alone. And why hang out with people that make you feel like that.. That's not fun in my book. I like to hang out with fugly people.
lol.
I never thought I'd say this but I agree with Davez. No offense Davez.
I would nip it in the bud from the beginning.
Just because you trust them both doesn't mean you have to deal with behavior that makes you uncomfortable. I would probably be the person to make a joke of it like Davez. But you can also say something to her and say "I know this is just me being hormonal and pregnant but please stop being overly affectionate with my husband." Just maybe not in those exact words:)
I am in the minority on this one...my DH would NOT be oblivious to this type of behavior. He knows me well enough to know that I can't deal with stuff like that. He's pretty protective of our relationship...so he would most likely deal with it, especially if he noticed me notice it.
If he truly is oblivious to her, then I agree with Davez...make LOTS of jokes about it, til she gets the point. No reason for you to be uncomfortable...especially if you are pregnant and sensitive to boot...
I agree with this...
I agree 100% here. I'm actually surprised how many women said not to discuss the way you're feeling with your husband. Since when is internalizing your insecurities, real or not, the right thing to do, pg or not? If you can talk to nesties about it you should be able to talk to your husband about it.
I don't think he's oblivious to it, I really don't. I *think* he notices it too and assumes that I'm not crazy about it. We hung out with them again last night but we were all sitting down most of the time playing board games so there was no touching going on. There's was only one incident when she leaned over and touched his knee to tell him it's ok that he's losing horribly at the game but she was rather far away across the table so only her fingertips made it to his knee.
At this point, I feel like I am overreacting and blowing things out of proportion. I'm going to keep my mouth shut for the time being but if she continues to be touchy-feely (which I'm sure she will seeing as how this might just be her personality) then I'm going to bring it up to my husband. I don't know what's going to happen from there because like I said, there's nothing he can really do about it. I guess I could talk to her but I really really like her and don't want to make it seem weird, I really don't.
Thanks again so much for your advice, girls.
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy