Long vent about grandparents and favortism

adamsbabble · August 2009

I've posted before about the blatantly obvious favortism my dad shows my 1 year old nephew, and my attitude about it is that I really don't care if my nephew is the favorite, but don't blame ME when Ava doesn't run and jump in your arms like she does with my mom & step-dad. He does often try to guilt me about this and says things like "well I didn't get to see her much when she was a baby..." but the facts are that he chose not to. My mom watches my nephew during the day and is nice enough to let my dad (who she is divorced from) visit my nephew. Ava is occasionally over there as well, and has been since she was very young, but my dad only cared to start visiting once my nephew was born. If Ava is there, he ignores her and pays attention to my nephew the whole time. Of all the kids there (my mom watches several) I don't know if even knows which one is Charlotte. When I handed him some pictures of my kids, he grabbed them and without even looking at them, set them down and went about his business talking to my nephew. When he's with us, he talks about my nephew and my brother and SIL the entire time... literally... and doesn't even ask about us. Just a few examples of the way he acts. Again, I don't care. But don't try to guilt me about the way things are. When he starts acting like Eeyore and guilting me, I either choose to blow it off or let him have it, depending on my mood. Yesterday I decided on the latter. Here is what happened:

Earlier this week Adam mailed out Ava's birthday party invitiations, and yesterday on the phone with my dad he says "where is this? what is this address?" (The party is at my MIL's house). He starts in with "Why are you having it there? I can't drive that far." We chose to have it there because she has more space, a yard, etc. It is "out there" but is no more than a 30 minute drive for any of our guests, and since our guests all live in different directions, it wouldn't have really mattered where we chose to have it because someone would have to make a trip. If people choose not to, that's fine, but we have to have the party somewhere and although I do try to be a gracious host, it is about celebrating our daughter's birthday not pleasing everyone else. ANYWAY-- I explained this to him in fewer words and also offered a solution to his "problem" saying that I'm sure my brother and SIL would be happy to give him a ride if they plan to come. If not, sorry because we have 2 carseats in our compact vehicle and will be busy getting ready for the party anyway. He's a bit on the self-centered side so he takes this as though I am too busy for him. I think it's reasonable to expect that we would be busy with the party we are hosting, and that we cannot arrange for everyone's transporation. Geez. It's really not even that he cannot make it, but he has to find someway to be difficult and make things about him. Finally I say "I'm sure you'll find a way" (I'm annoyed but basically just rolling my eyes and still being pretty nice at this point) and then he says "well it's at 4:00, that's going to mess up my pills, but that's okay." Seriously? It's clear that he just wants to be difficult for some reason, rather than just being happy to be celebrating Ava's birthday with us, so I reminded him that my nephew's birthday party a few weeks back was also at 4 p.m. and he had no problem with that. Earlier in our conversation, I told him that me and the girls had been sick since Saturday and instead of an "I'm sorry to hear that" the very next thing he says is "do you know if Isaac was at your mom's house last Friday?" and proceeded to whine about how he hasn't seen him since last Tuesday and won't see him until next week. This combined with complaining about how our party plans are inconveniencing him just set me off and I told him that he had no problem with Isaac's party being at 4:00, etc. etc. etc. I rambled off a list of ways he treats us like crap and then said "I really don't care if Isaac is your favorite, but it isn't my fault that Ava doesn't know who you are or want to be around you." His response: "I don't mean to have a favorite. I just do." and then went about the usual excuse making for why they are closer (me not bringing Ava to see him all the time is the reason he is closer to my nephew... whatever. Again, my fault, not his). As much as I don't care about him having a close relationship with my nephew and even favoring him, I have to say that hearing him admit it makes it rather hurtful, not to mention just plain disgusting. I understand being closer to some family members than others, but actually showing favortism is another thing. I can't imagine deciding I like one of my girls better than the other, lol. Furthermore the way he blames it all on me is freakin' insane!

I know this is not a big deal in the big scheme of things and that my girls get plenty o lovin from us and other people, but I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

sprads · August 2009

"I don't mean to have a favorite. I just do."

AYFKM????? and yes I meant to yell. Oh.my.Gosh. That is absolutely, utterly, horribly ridiculous!!!!! I am beyond pissed for you!!

Tell him to kiss your non-favorite a$$.

kel716 · August 2009

Wow. I think Ava may be more mature than he is. That's ridiculous. I'd almost be happy that Ava barely knows who he is... she doesn't need that kind of role model in her life as sad as that sounds. Keep your head up... hopefully he'll realize what he's missing out on. At least she has a good relationship with your mom, etc..

MrsMandaK · August 2009

Sorry to put it bluntly, but your dad sounds like an ass. I'd have no guilt about keeping Ava & Charlottle away from him. How can someone not be completely in love with their grandchildren???

KristenBtobe · August 2009

Yeesh. I remember you talking about him before, he sounds really selfish. Just remember he's the one missing out on getting to know your girls.

LoriZ · August 2009

sprads:
"I don't mean to have a favorite. I just do."

AYFKM????? and yes I meant to yell. Oh.my.Gosh. That is absolutely, utterly, horribly ridiculous!!!!! I am beyond pissed for you!!

Tell him to kiss your non-favorite a$$.

My sentiments exactly.

cops_wife · August 2009

You know, my in-laws spend exponentially more time with their other grandkids than they do with Ellie. I can't imagine them going as long without seeing SIL's kids as they do with Ellie. But whatever, she's a baby and doesn't even know who they are, much less who her cousins on DH's side are and that there's any difference. But DH and I are on the same page that if she ever were to pick up on her grandparents showing any favoritism to her cousins, that's it. It's one thing for it to hurt DH's feelings, but when it hurts her, we're done. I think you may be at that point. Even if Ava can't see it yet, with a grandfather who openly admits having a favorite, it's only a matter of time.

linzpinz14 · August 2009

What a crappy situation.

It is totally his loss. But if it bothers you a lot, have you thought about writing him a letter to tell him how you feel? Some people are not so good at listening (sounds like he is always too busy being defensive) but they may get the picture if they can read it. ai hope things get better for you!

doodlebug914 · August 2009

sprads:

"I don't mean to have a favorite. I just do."

AYFKM????? and yes I meant to yell. Oh.my.Gosh. That is absolutely, utterly, horribly ridiculous!!!!! I am beyond pissed for you!!

Tell him to kiss your non-favorite a$$.

Totally agree

curlypie1 · August 2009

I feel sad for you. :-(

He has no idea what he's missing out on does he? I hope he realizes before his non-favorite grandkids don't want anything to do with him.

Denise2005 · August 2009

sprads:

"I don't mean to have a favorite. I just do."

AYFKM????? and yes I meant to yell. Oh.my.Gosh. That is absolutely, utterly, horribly ridiculous!!!!! I am beyond pissed for you!!

Tell him to kiss your non-favorite a$$.

I don't think I could put it any better way then what Sprads did!

MrsMoher · August 2009

cops_wife:
You know, my in-laws spend exponentially more time with their other grandkids than they do with Ellie. I can't imagine them going as long without seeing SIL's kids as they do with Ellie. But DH and I are on the same page that if she ever were to pick up on her grandparents showing any favoritism to her cousins, that's it.

Ditto this. Although DH and I have decided we would actually pick up the phone and call and then say your grandson has a question for you and let them explain it. I will say that they have been trying and would NEVER admit to playing favorites... that is insane. I am so very sorry that you have to deal with that Kessler!

Meg41208 · August 2009

I am so sad for your kids that your dad is being so childish. They are too young to understand it now, but like cops_wife said, it's only a matter of time before they pick it up. It seems like they spend a limited amount of time around him, so hopefully it won't affect them too much.

Want a personalized experience?

Long vent about grandparents and favortism

Re: Long vent about grandparents and favortism

Choose Another Board

Search Boards