- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 9 - 12 Months
KathrynMD
member
I'm not bitching about my DH, but I need a little help
KathrynMD
member
DH really tries w/ DD and she loves him and all that, but DH has limited experience w/ babies and is very nervous around her. He REALLY takes/took to heart the advice we got in our infant care classes before she was born, but the thing is, alot of that advice is more geared to newborns - not 8 month old, almost crawling babies. He thinks we need to do things sometimes that really aren't necessary - i.e. he's worried about her eating cold food. I, on the other hand, want her to get used to cold food so that I don't have to spend the next 2 years worrying about the temp of everythign she eats. He started to feed her yesterday and I told him to give her a little container of applesauce - he got all weird about it and tried one spoonful, she made a face and he said she won't eat it, its too cold. Of course, she makes a face at the beginning of almost every meal - I only worry if she actually spits something out. I said "oh, she'll eat it" and he got all defensive and said "do you want to feed her?" I don't mind feeding her of course, and I do it most of the time, but I also want this to be something he's comfortable with.
Should I just let this kind of stuff go?
I feel like I should be gently reassuring him that she's not as delicate as she used to be. There are other things too, but I can't think of examples.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'm not bitching about my DH, but I need a little help
Since he took that infant class to heart, perhaps another parenting class for the next age group would be helpful?
Either that, or have him read a book like What to Expect: The Toddler Years or What to Expect the First Year.
Sounds like he's just going from what he learned and hasn't thought about modifying it or how to modify it as LO ages.
Awwww your poor little DH. And really? cold food? why does he think that she can't eat anything cold?
My DH thinks I'm an expert on babies for some unknown reason... he will always just ask me. Of course he gets annoyed if I say that I don't know!
I guess yeah try not to let it bother you- it's cute that he is overprotective but I'm sure it would annoy me too.
I think just continue to be positive when he is doing something with her. Sometimes my H has to reassure me and sometimes I have to reassure him. He was never around kids either but took to fatherhood better then I ever expected. It's a learning experience for both of us.
My DH is like this about some things too. Like when i started giving her some finger foods- puffs, diced banana or avocado, etc. He was very nervous about it and kept questioning if she was ready, was it too fast. Since I am home more, I feed her more and he was not around to see her eat it and how well she did. When the weekend came around I made him feed her and he was able to witness first hand. I think he becomes so much more comfortable when he see's for himself and when he does things first hand. Now he is all about what new foods we can give her and let her experiment with.
It is always a process with him, and he too does not realize how much she has changed and grown- he worried about removing the sleep positioner, he worried about no longer swaddling her, about sleeping on her tummy, about moving to the big bath tub, about moving her to the high chair. You name it, he worries about it.
I think you are right to want to make DD as easy going as possible, and you'll need to work on DH. Compromise in the beginning- don;t warm things up, but maybe serve them at room temp and gradually progress to colder. Or say "Fine, i will feed her this time so that you can see she does actually eat it cold, next time it is your turn"
If you find a magic solution, please share it with me!!
Neither one of us knows what we're doing (neither of us has been around a baby before) and are very careful to criticize the other. His ways are sometimes not the way I would do it and vice versa, but we don't say anything unless we think DD is in danger for some reason
Let him do it the way he wants, if he wants to heat up the applesauce then so what? As long as when you feed her, you feed it to her cold she is still getting used to it, right?
I used to hover all the time, and of course it made DH nervous...I get nervous whenever someone hovers over me, watching, ready to criticize everything I do! Just be positive about what he's doing and give him some space to make mistakes...that's how we all learned, through our mistakes. Leave them home together so he finds his own style. DH does things COMPLETELY different from what I do, and it takes everything for me not to complain or criticize him, but he is so much more comfortable around DS and he's discovered things that I haven't discovered that make DS happy or food DS likes. Babies know that mom and dad are different people and it's good for them to realize that certain people do things differently from others.
I know it's hard, I struggle with it too! GL...