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I completely spaced Mad Monday, here's why (LONG)

sarahkatherine8sarahkatherine8
in Preemies

And it's not because I didn't have plenty of vents etc. I've just been so run down and exhausted. DH is working extra and we just switched DS's formula yesterday. So that has been an adjustment. I think it's going to be a good thing. We are using the Target version of Enfamil Gentlease and he does have less gas. The prevacid has also pretty much eliminated spitting up and the gaggy thing he was doing during feedings.

So we're getting it under control...but it's still a work in progress. And Jackson really wants to just be held all of the time, and is doing random crying jags that require standing and bouncing. I thought he was going to cut me a break and enjoy his swing finally, but he was only teasing me. He fell asleep in it once and has gone back to hating it ever since. 

I am so so so run down. I cannot function on three hours of sleep. These moms that say, "i never knew how little sleep i could function on" can all kiss my a$$. I don't function. I don't have the energy to eat, shower, or do anything when I have to take care of him all night and hold him all day. I burst into tears everytime he cries. When my mom offers to come over I of course take her up on it, but then feel like a total failure for needing so much help. I have a medical condition where I function best if I have decent sleep/wake cycles. So I just cannot nap during the day or it effs with my entire circadian rhythm and puts me in an even worse mental state. I won't go into any further on a message board, but how do I balance keeping myself healthy in order to take care of Jackson, when taking care of myself seems to interfere with taking care of him??? I can handle things being a little chaotic, but right now I feel like I just have no control. Feeling helpless really scares me. I am usually so on top of my emotions etc so this is very weird territory for me.

At least when he was in the NICU and I was stressed I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and still maintained an optimistic attitude. Right now I just feel like complete crap. I have a hard time enjoying being with Jackson because I feel like I just want to get past all of this hell and get to the part where he is smiling, happy, reflux/gas free, and sleeping through the night. The part where I am not too exhausted to play or do tummy/floor time to encourage his development.

I feel like a terrible mom right now. I hate myself for the way I feel. I love Jackson so much and it just sucks that I am unable to enjoy him right now.

DH tries to help but he works a lot right now. We're on the same page about trying to support each other and deal with the stress. He is having a hard time transitioning too. But he is with DS probably 15% of the time and the rest is up to me. So...I don't think he gets it at all, even when I explain it to him.

This is just a vent, sorry it got so long.

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Re: I completely spaced Mad Monday, here's why (LONG)

  • TriciaJoyTriciaJoy member

    Oh sugar.. you're a GREAT mom.. I went through the same thing. Robbie's reflux was so awful.. he was a *TERRIBLE* sleeper for months after we got home. My husband was pretty useless (he's much better now, but we were seriously on the brink of divorce for a while) and I was overwhelmed beyond words. I didn't function, either. I was a mess.

    I ended up calling my doc for some antidepressants. Not that I actually think I had PPD- I was it was plain exhaustion, but I needed help.
    I never ended up taking the meds, but having them here helped.. and eventually you do get into a routine and the baby will sleep better and you will be able to think straight again. You're just in survival mode until then.
    Take ALL the help you can get and don't you feel bad about it at all!

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  • TriciaJoyTriciaJoy member

    P.S. we could always do Ticked Off Tuesday?

     

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  • mcdevmcdev member
    Those first three months are the absolute hardest. ?It WILL get easier. ?My MIL is a parent educator for young moms and one of the most important lessons she teaches is that you HAVE to take care of yourself before you can take care of another. ?I assume your mom is aware of your sleep needs? Since she's offering to help anyway, I'd confide in her how desperate you are feeling. ? I would see if she could come over and sleep over for a couple of days and seriously catch up on your sleep. ?Have her to all the "work" for that time and bring him to you for cuddling/bonding. ?It may just be what you need to recharge your batteries and be the mom you want to be.
    Claire Avery born at 32 weeks on 10/25/06 Keira Leigh born at 27 weeks on 4/29/08
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  • RRHsMomRRHsMom
    There is a new song on the radio that I wish had been on when Ryan was going through all of that.  It is called "It won't be like this for long" or something like that but I think it is the greatest song to get you through all of those tough parts.  It does all pass and even though it seems like things will never get better, they do!  I remember Ryan all of a sudden sleeping 3-4 hour stretches instead of 2 and that felt like a dream.  Then he went to 5 and I thought I had died and gone to heaven!  It took us a long time to sttn but he does now and I finally get to sleep 8 hours at night (more if I went to bed when he did but I like my DH and me time).  Hugs in the mean time but it does get easier and take any help offered.  I do not think that makes you a bad mom.  Good moms use the resources at their disposal to make the best situation for their child and that is all you are doing by taking your mom up on her offer and taking care of yourself as well.  
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  • SWMcFarlandSWMcFarland member

    Sarah,

    I posted nearly the exact same post on here about 2 months ago.  I really thought I was going to lose my mind.  It was miserable.

    Then, around 3 months, somthing changed (besides my mother finally going home!!).  She started to pull out of her spit uppyness, started smiling at literally everything, and started STTN.  She is a creature of habit and LOVES having a routine.  She can't function without it, but she is also the one who created it, all around that time.

    I promise, promise, promise you it will get better.  It really really will.  Everyone told me that, but I didn't believe them.  I thought there was no way.  But it really does.  Being a newborn is tough, and being a new mom is nearly impossible!!!  But it is truly just growing pains, and it WILL get better.  I seriously had to repeat that over and over so many times.   

    Call me.  Seriously.  I've been there.  I'm still here!!!  :-)

    Love & Hugs to you!!!

    Sara

     

    3/22/09 - Lily Grace, born at 33 weeks, 2 days
    9/12/14 - M/C @ 7 weeks, 1 day (ectopic)

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  • SBMBride406SBMBride406

    I feel like that's the thing no one tells you about being a mom...the first few months are really hard and thankless! Marino didn't sleep well (we are just now working on getting him to STTN and he is 13 months) and he was colicky. It was not a high point in my life. The good news is it gets much better. Your body does adjust somewhat to getting less sleep. And once the baby starts communicating more (smiling, laughing, etc), it all seems worth it.

    Hang in there!!

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  • lemen99lemen99 member
    aw honey.  I could have written this.  Hang in there.  I promise it'll get better soon!
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  • gobluegoblue
    Hang in there. It DOES get better.  Maybe your DH or your mom can be the one to wake up with him overnight for a few nights (or a week) while you get some sleep.  Do NOT feel bad about taking help.  We NEED help. It will make you a better mom.  I read something once about how different having a child was 100 years ago (or even having a child today in a less developed country) when everyone lived near their family and support network.  Grandmas, aunts, etc were all around during the day (and even overnight) to help new moms.  It wasn't even "help" - it's just how things were.  We need to remember that we cannot do it all by ourselves.
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  • mrspaul07mrspaul07

    The first few months were very hard in our house.  Lily didn't sleep 5 hours at a time until she was 4 months old.  It will get better.  Don't feel bad for letting your mom help.  Both my mom and my MIL helped out with Lily.  They would take turns coming to our house and staying over night with her.  I never turned them down those first few months when they offered to help.   Don't let this get you down.  You are a great mom!

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  • sarahkatherine8sarahkatherine8

    Thank you ladies :) I really needed the encouragement, and to hear that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel here! I let my mom help out a lot today and that really helped me. Still busy, but tolerable. And I got to do all the cuddling and fun stuff, just like you suggested. I am heading to bed now since DH is able to help tonight. Definitely looking forward to a few straight hours of sleep...

    Also, Ticked Off Tuesdays sounds pretty good too!! 

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