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Infertility
Bride2b2004
member
Another m/c. Advice on coping with multiple m/c? (DS pic in sig)
Bride2b2004
member
in Infertility
Betas show that this pregnancy is not going to make it. I find it so hard right now to absorb this. This should be the easiest m/c to take since it is early (5w) and seems like it will take care of itself (no D&E, no MTX, no surgery). The first was devastating b/c didn't happen until I was in WEEK 13 and feeling secure. And the second put my very life in danger. But with each of the others I still felt so much hope that that it would eventually pass and I would eventually have a baby that would make it all worth it... but this time I just don't feel that hope. My thoughts go in the direction that further TTC will just result in more of this anguish or even worse, jeapordize my health, if another EP happens--not to mention any side effects of fertility drugs. I have never faced this complete lack of hope before and this turns out to be one of the most painful m/c after all... and the bleeding hasn't even started.
If you have gone through this, please share any advice. I wish there was a multiple m/c board here. The category "habitual aborter" is, umm, a little traumatic. Anyone have any other sites they found/find comforting?
Fortunate to be a SAHM to my 3 musketeers (5/2006, 5/2010 & 12/2011).
Soy & dairy free for the 3rd and final time.
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Re: Another m/c. Advice on coping with multiple m/c? (DS pic in sig)
I am sorry for your losses.
I see from your siggie that you've had an ectopic as well.
My last pregnancy was a double whammy- it was a twin pregnancy.
One was ectopic( had to have emergency surgery)and I lost the other baby at 8 weeks and had to do the whole D&C thing. I also had a loss last summer.
I wish I had some tried and true advice, but to be honest, I am petrified to have another- especially an ectopic.
But, I know I want to have a child, so I am working on putting my fear aside. It has taken me awhile and I took this summer off from cycling to try to heal.
Good luck to you and again, I am so sorry.
I have little advcie as my first m/c was much more traumatic then the second..i think b/c i was further along with the first and was starting to get "comfortable" I prepared myself the second time around..i didn't allow myself to get attached right away..
I hope this doesn't come out wrong but you have a child so atleast you know it is a possibility! I am scared to death of getting pregnant again b/c i have no idea if it will EVER happen the way it should..you atleast know your body CAN do its job..i don't mean that to be harsh or mean or anything..i am just trying to look on the birght side if things...I know that probably doesn't help at all...
i pray a LOT especially when i am feeling very desperate and like no one understands what i am going through
What a wonderful saying. I think that I will keep repeating that to myself.
Thank you for sharing that.
I love this. It may be my new mantra.
I'm sorry for your losses. It's so hard not to lose hope. (((hugs)))
I am so sorry for your loss.
I wish I had some great advice as to how to cope. My last m/c which was in May'08 was the hardest for me to take. I think partly because I had gone through IVF only to m/c, but the main reason was that I had really lost hope. I took the next 4 or so months off from TTC, and I think that really helped me. Of course getting pg was was in the back of my mind, but for once in years it wasn't my main focus. Eventually I got up the strength to try again, and I did regain my hope. My wish for you is that you do too. It's completely understandable that you are having a difficult time, and I hope you find some peace soon.
Hi, I'm sorry for you latest loss. I really don't have any advice on how to cope. I guess I should though since 2 weeks ago we had our 4th miscarriage, which was the loss of our triplets at 9 weeks. It gets to be a very numbing, empty feeling. Losing 7 babies in 14 months has almost put me over the edge. I am actually going to be starting counseling soon because I am pretty sure I am very depressed. Everything that has happened with TTC & losing our babies has effected every single aspect of my life. I am so paranoid, so terrified of losing everything else in my life, especially my husband.
All our losses have been extremely hard, but in some ways a little different. We had had two great heartbeat checks with the triplets. I had never gotten that far along. We really thought it was it for us. The day it happened was really traumatic. I bled so much, all over our bathroom & shower, and passed one of the babies in the shower. DH saw him, picked him up & buried him in our garden.
Life is so unfair & I am so angry right now & I wish that someone could just tell me what we did to deserve this & what we can do to stop it from happening, that is what my heart is saying. In my head somewhere I know that we didn't do anything to deserve it (no one does) and we are doing what we can.
I guess my advice would be to be angry, be sad, cry & mourn. But don't lose the determination. I have had that pregnancy loss mantra in my siggy for a long time "my desire to have a child is greater than my fear of another miscarriage". Some people may think I am crazy, for as many times as its happened. But if we give up, we will be left with nothing anyway, so why stop trying?
I am so sorry and feel free to vent here all you want. There are others on the TTCafterloss board that have had multiple m/c's. Feel free to page me if you ever want to talk.
{{{HUGS}}}}
I'm sorry. I've got no good advice, just wanted to send you hugs. I've had 4 m/c. We are just trying again because the other option is giving up and we are not ready for that yet. I do sometimes lurk on SAL board to see the women who have had mult. m/c and are well into hopefully sucessful pregnancies. That helps a little. If they can do it why not us?
Check out this blog. She is a nestie who has had 5 m/c and she is currently 32 weeks pregnant.
https://dreamyouremine.wordpress.com/
Thank you for the responses.
Ruby- I have seen you on TTCAL. I haven't been there lately because as TTC went on and on and on, it became more painful than helpful to visit the board and see BFP after BFP. It is good to know that there are others with mult m/c there. Thank you for the links.
It doesn't come out wrong. I know I am lucky. My son is the most wonderful thing in my life. But it doesn't make me think we can do it again anymore. Instead, I think something must have broke after him and my body can't do its job anymore
But I am very thankful to have him, and a wonderful husband. So then I think, why keep TTC when it has created this trauma in my life and even threatens my life (thinking of EP). Is it right to put the great things I do have in danger by continuing to TTC? I don't know the answer right now. Only hoping that the betas continue to go down on their own and it doesn't turn out to be another ectopic and I don't need surgery or MTX.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I just went through my D&C last week and am slowly getting over things. I thought about taking a break from cycling to clear my mind, but then I get this sudden urge that I am wasting time with a break.
I too wish they had a board dedicated to losses & grievance, but just know that a lot of the girls on this board are going through the same thing and we are here to listen & be right there with you.
I had to leave TTCAL also because I couldn't take the BFP after BFP passing me by while I wait for my miracle. ...happy for them but sad for me.