What do you do for someone that miscarries?

MamiH · August 2009

My sister just had a m/c. She was 7 weeks and was due a few weeks after me. I feel horrible for her. My mom said that she doesn't want to talk to anyone, especially me.

jtbmommy · August 2009

send flowers and tell her you're sorry for her loss. GIve her some space if she needs it and let her know you're ready to listen when she's up to it,

Andrewsgal · August 2009

When my SIL miscarried we watched her DD for her during her D&C. When her DH came to pick her up I gave him a small gift for her. It was a card, margaritta mix, glasses, and alcohol to go with it. In the card I just said I was sorry for her loss and to call me whenever she felt like it.

isabella22 · August 2009

Send her an e-mail that you are there if she needs to talk, vent, cry, whatever. Give her space if she needs it.

If you are a gift giver type - send her a gift card for a massage or a pedicure.

gobigblue · August 2009

definitely give her space. this happened to me and a good friend last yr. i was pg, she was several wks behind me and lost her baby. it was horrible. leave her a msg that you're sorry, that you understand if she doesn't want to talk right now, but that you're thinking of her and love her. good luck b/c i know this is a tricky situation.

Reagan's Mommy · August 2009

I was in this situation a few months back. My best friend was due 2 weeks after me, and had a m/c.

If you want to send her something besides what was already mentioned, there are some sites that you can customize a pendant for her.

myforeverchild.com and labelledame.com are two that I remember looking at.

Besides that, I guess certainly just give her space. My friend and I still talk every few weeks, but it is hard for her as I hit milestones and stuff. So, I let her take the lead and don't really talk about my pregnancy unless she asks.

GrowingFamily · August 2009

DO NOT SEND FLOWERS!!! When I had my m/c at 9wks, people sent me flowers and they made me SO,SO SAD Sad

I would look at those flowers and think "I should have a baby...instead all I have are crappy flowers?!?!" Every time I looked at them they made me sad/ angry to think about what I lost. Send her a nice card or note. Send her a gift cert for a spa/ massage/ maincure or a restaurant so she can pamper herself. Give her space. But, don't forget about her or the baby she lost. People just kind of forgot about our lost baby within a couple of weeks. We had already started naming that baby, for christ's sake! He was so real to us. And then he was gone in the blink of an eye.

ak071401 · August 2009

I miscarried yesterday and I think that they way my friends and family have handled it has been really nice. They have just let me know they are here if I need them and they are letting me take the lead.

Honestly, except for wondering when I can start TTC again, I did most of my crying and grieving last night with DH and really just want to move on and do "normal" things. Some of my co-workers think I am nuts to be at the office today, but it feels good to feel useful and do my work and be on my normal routine.

I think the gift certificate for a pedicure some of the posters suggested would be nice. My birthday was last week and that is what SIL sent me. When she called me yesterday, one of the first things I said was, "I am really looking forward to that pedicure you sent me now!" For some reason with all that was going on, having a pedicure and having someone take care of me for even 30 minutes sounded heavenly at that point.

I agree that I think flowers might be a constant reminder and I don't know that I'd want that.

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