Is this overstepping the boundaries?

Impatientgal · August 2009

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding for an aunt who is more like a sister (my grandma adopted me). I'm very excited because she never thought she'd get married (she's 47), and has been having a rough go of it in the last year. She hasn't really been feeling like a bride, so I want to make a big deal out of this: a fun girls weekend at the spa, a silly bachelorette party, maybe a small shower?

But here's the thing, the MOH is her sister. We've always been close, too, but since I had DD she's been distant and unresponsive. Two weeks ago, MOH found out her FIL has terminal cancer and will likely pass in the next few months. I sent an email saying how sorry I am (even though she hates this man) and to let me know if there's anything I can do. I also mentioned that I'd love to help with anything she's planned for my aunt while she's dealing with this. I haven't heard back. The wedding is 3 months away. My grandma told me nothing has been planned for my aunt. MOH hasn't even acknowledged that I am a bridesmaid- even though it's just the 2 of us. I'm getting really nervous.

So, what should I do? Should I wait for MOH to plan something and risk that it may be very last-minute (& hope I will have vacation time to use for it)? Or should I start planning something, keeping MOH in the loop?

pixiedustie · August 2009

Plan something and keep the MOH in the loop.

EastCoastBride · August 2009

I'd start planning. I'd also tell the bride "W/ everything going on w/ MOH, I'm going to start planning. I don't want to step on her toes, so if she brings it up, let her know and I'll obviously gladly work with her if she wants....".

Plus, on the flip side, it's not the MOH's "job" to do this stuff. ANYONE can technically plan this stuff!

LuckySunshineBaby · August 2009

I vote invite MOH and Grandma out to lunch (or to your house) with some tentative (super finalized:) plans. Then you have a witness as to what was discussed (Grandma) and things will get done.

EcoBaby · August 2009

I would say, "I'm thinking about doing x, y, and z for bride. What do you think? Do you have any ideas?" etc.

mabst196 · August 2009

I would email her with what you plan to do and ask her if she is interested in helping. If you get no response or she doesn't want in, keep planning away. If she does want to help, try to incorporate her into the planning.

busygal · August 2009

IMO, if there's only 2 of you and you are also close to the bride, you should just go ahead. It's not like there's a committee of 7 bridesmaids, all of whom are sisters of the bride except for you.

Plan it and keep MOH in the loop.

DG1 · August 2009

I'd tell MOH you are planning something for the weekend of X. Even tell Aunt. (a surprise would be nice, but it sounds like MOH might try to plan a competing activity). Then just do it.

If you wait, nothing's going to happen, I can almost guarantee it.

CelticWife · August 2009

I would talk to your Grandma and see if her daughter wants to plan anything, or if you could go ahead and do it. If she doesn't think anything is in the works, go ahead and make some plans. Email them to MOH and keep her in the loop, but I wouldn't let your aunt's celebration be reduced to something hastily thrown together at the last minute.

Jen0414 · August 2009

Honestly I would plan something. I would hate for her to not have anything and if the MOH says anything you can tell her you've tried to contact her several times and there was no response.

Impatientgal · August 2009

Thanks everyone! I'm going to start planning and keep MOH and my grandma in the loop. It'll be a little tough because we're spread out across the the east coast, but we'll make it work. Thanks for the help!

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