Parents/In laws visiting after birth

purpletulip · August 2009

How soon after the birth are you planing on having your parents and/or in laws visit, or what did you do if you've already given birth?

Right now I want to have a week or two where it's just DH and I with the baby - for bonding, and learning how to be parents on our own. I'm nervous about getting overwhelmed but I think we'll be able to handle it.

We have the option of DH's parents being there soon after the birth. I'd like to hear your experiences or reasoning behind your decision.

Thanks!

Jen&Joe06 · August 2009

If we deliver at home then immediate family (parents and siblings) will be coming for short 30 min visits within the first week. If we deliver at the hospital only parents will be coming to visit us there and again it will be a short visit. A few weeks later they can all come back for longer visits if they want to.

julia&jared · August 2009

My sister said that she liked that they waited 2 weeks for visitors. I think thats what we're doing.

MollyKayDee · August 2009

My ILs live out of state, so they're planning a trip about 6 weeks after the baby is born. My folks, however, live around the corner. They'll both be at the hospital and mom will be on hand when we come home. We're going to play it by ear, really, since this is our first LO. I've got a great relationship with my mom, so if I want her to leave, I can say so (nicely) and she won't get her feelings hurt.

We live at least an hour or more from most of our friends, so we don't have to worry about them popping in unexpected....and they don't know where our house is either! I don't know-- we'll see what happens!

salena.M · August 2009

I don't want anyone for at least 48 hours. my MIL will be coming from a long ways away, so it can't be to much of a wait. At least not 2 weeks. But I want a couple days of it just being us. Plus no one really lives close enough to "drop by" Once my MIL leaves we probably won't have any visitors, besides the once or twice my parents come in that first week. We will also be having NO ONE stay with us, until thanksgiving at least. Thats mainly to keep my family from coming for ever and wanting to stay with us.

ilenegrace · August 2009

I'm really glad you asked this question bc I am wondering the same thing. My IL's just moved to the other side of the states and said they were planning on flying out when we go into labor. However I'm not sure this is the best for us. This is our first baby and I really want a chance to bond etc. I'm worried since they live so far away they will want to spend do much time with the baby that it might take away the time Dh and I have with the baby. Not sure what to do.

young-mommy2B · August 2009

I am open to my parents coming over to help and bond with LO as much as they please in the first week or so. We are a very close family so it will be really nice to have them there, they live 3 blocks away so they wont be sleeping over or anything.

mamaofliam · August 2009

Both my parents and ILs live abroad so having either of them come is taking some planning ahead. My parents are planning to come but since we don't have an exact date to work with, we are shooting for them coming 1 or 2 weeks after EDD. It would be a shame for them to come before baby is born only to have to leave without meeting him or only being here for a few days after. With DS1, they arrived a little over a week after my EDD. Since DS came 6 days late, it worked perfectly because we were home from the hospital for only a day or two before my parents arrived.

KacieLeigh · August 2009

I think it's such a personal preference with this decision...but I'll be glad to tell you what we've chosen to do.

My family is coming to visit as soon as she's born - and my mom is staying for about a week to help out. I'm nervous because we have a small house, but I'm sure that my mom will be helpful and hopefully I'll be able to get some rest. DH is a farmer and will be right in the middle of harvest season - so he can only be home to help me 1 or 2 days TOPS. I think in the end, I'll be glad my mom came. I live in the same town as DH's family - so I know after my mom leaves if I need something I have plenty of people that would jump at the chance to help me out.

That said, it's all about YOUR preference.

MewMew · August 2009

We live really close to my parents and fairly close to DH's parents too. No doubt they will be at the hospital with us. Along with our brothers and sisters.

When we get home, I really don't know how it will work. I emagine they will stop by whenever they want. As long as they go home at night (which they will since they live so close), I don't really care.

I hope they don't come home with us the first day home from the hospital. I never thought about this, but it would be really nice to have the first day just us.

peppermintgirl · August 2009

I'm due on August 29, and my parents are planning to come up and be here on September 7 and 8. If I go far enough overdue, they'll visit then anyway, then come back when they can to visit LO. I have no idea when DH's father and stepmother might come up, but I don't see it being any time soon since they're not very close. DH's grandfather lives a little under an hour away, so he may come out here around the same time as my parents. I absolutely do not want a ton of people in the house all the time right after we get home - I want to have at least a few days to spend with just DH and LO. Thankfully we don't have to worry about pushy family.

kursem · August 2009

My mom lives about a 2 hour drive away, and I actually asked her to come stay for a week or two after the baby is born, mostly to help me with cooking and stuff like that so I can focus on the little one. DH won't be able to take much if any time off work, so I figured I'd appreciate the extra support/pair of hands! Smile

As for DH's family, they live about 5 min away, so I'm sure they'll visit quite a bit. As long as I get naps and time alone with my baby, people can visit as much as they want...LOL.

blondie26625 · August 2009

hey! ?

i've know how you're feeling. ?i've been torn between wanting to have a bit of a babymoon, where it's just us and the baby, and having people visit. ?i've started to feel like im being almost selfish to want this time. ?my in laws have booked a room in a hotel about 30 miles away from my edd for 4 nights. ?they are going to also have my stepson during their stay. ?i suppose this is a compromise, since they can visit me and baby in hospital (if he's arrived) or at home, but they aren't staying with us, so i wont feel obliged to take care of houseguests. ?i do sometimes feel like i'd rather not have anyone anywhere around for the first week, but then i also think that when the day comes, i may feel a bit neglected if no one (family or friends) are there to come see us and the baby.

?

my dad is flying in a week after edd, and he is also staying in a hotel with stepmom, but he tends to give us plenty of space when he visits, so i'm not too worried about that. ?then my mother is flying in two weeks after edd to stay and help me care for the baby. ?she will be in our home for like 4-5 weeks, which i am a bit anxious about because we can bicker a lot; but, i am supposed to return to school and it will be a great help!

?

well, there's like 3 different scenarios of my visitors....lol

?

BeeLove · August 2009

I think that both sets will be at the hospital. I want my parents to meet the LO right away. His live farther away and are getting a hotel but will be here right away. We have some "rules" in place, in our minds, but obviously have NO idea what's going to go on, so we are just trying to keep an open mind and hope that everyone respects our wishes and space after LO comes home. We want the day we come home to just be us, though. THat is really important.

tinytitan · August 2009

My parents are getting an apartment down here at the end of September for about 6 months to be our nanny at first. However, since they are keeping their house out of state, they haven't decided when they will completely move in to the apartment. So, even if they are out of state when I go into labor, I am sure they will hop down here ASAP b/c they are SO excited. I think DH's parents will head down as soon as they can along with my best friend. I am glad that my parent's have an apartment though b/c it will put less people in our house and I know my DH and mom will take charge of hosting everyone that is here. Also, my parent's have offered for other friends and family to stay at the apartment when they are out of town so that will be nice to have the option to have people visit without staying with us.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · August 2009

My parents, DH's mom, and everyone else on God's green earth plan to be at the hospital, so I'd say about 20 seconds after I make it into my recovery room, there will be people there to visit.

Not sure how I feel about this, as I know I'm going to want to "show off" the baby, but I'm also not sure about just how quickly I want them in the room. I figure we'll play it by ear, wait to see how I feel and what time of day it is/how long labor takes, etc.

I'd just feel really bad if they all come for the long labor and wait, only to be told I don't want them there, so I'll probably suck it up and let them in while I'm sitting there exhausted. I guess I look at that as "getting it over with" even though it's a negative choice of words.

mtendere · August 2009

My mom lives about an hour and a half away and will probably be the only family to visit right away. I'm sure she'll come to the hospital and will be able to come in and out to help where needed. If the LO comes close to her due date, that will be enough, but if she comes early or much later, then I'll probably need my mom's help as DH had to schedule his 2 weeks off. He took off the 2 weeks following my due date. (He'll be able to take a couple of sick days if she comes early, but not much more than that until the scheduled time off)

For the rest of the family, most won't be able to come until the holidays, which is fine with me. They are mostly broke and will have to stay with us and that would be too much for me right away. The only one I'm concerned about is MIL who lives about 3-4 hours away. I know she'll want to come see baby ASAP, but I really don't want her staying here too early...we'll see.

SunshineDiva09 · August 2009

my mom will more than likely be in the delivery room and so will the MIL, but it doesn't really matter when they visit to us. After all we will have the baby for a lifetime day and night. If they want to come the following day and we are not too tired that is fine by us.

disbride061103 · August 2009

We said no overnight visitors. My family lives about 3 hours away and DH's family is like 30 minutes away. We told my family that if they wanted to visit it was fine, but that they had to stay in a hotel. Our house at the time wasn't big enough for visitors. Anyone who stayed would have had to sleep on the couch and I knew I wouldn't want to entertain or feel like I had to "hide" in the nursery to bf. This caused a great deal of tension between me and my mom (she said some really nasty things about me and DH to my sister), but it was what we wanted.

At the hospital, we let visitors come and go as they wanted. We were fortunate that all of our friends and family who did visit called before hand to make sure that it was OK to stop by.

The day that we came home from the hospital, both of our immediate families came over to the house at the same time. There were about 7 people (in addition to me, DH, and DS) in our 950 sq foot house. I was soooo overwhelmed by everything going on. My SIL could see I was struggling so she got me to go upstairs and take a nap. I just laid on my bed and cried for a few minutes before going to sleep. I know it was hormones, but with the next baby, we will not be letting everyone over the day we get home. We just bought a much bigger house, but even with the extra space, I don't want all those people around.

One final thing, my SIL came to visit me every Thursday while I was on maternity leave (I think she missed one week the whole time). At first, it was great because all I had to do was feed DS. I could take a nap or just rest, but basically it was nice to know that I would have a "day off". After the first 6 weeks or so, I didn't really need the sleep, but it was nice to have another grown up to talk to. I really looked forward to her visits and I really appreciate that she did that for me.

jen5-03 · August 2009

My dad is the only one who lives in state. My mom and MIL live a long plane-ride away and need to buy tickets in advance for them to afford to come.

I was happy with how we planned it last time and hope to do the same again.

Dad will visit me in the hospital and then make a couple short visits the first couple weeks - he'll be keeping DD a couple days while I'm in the hospital so he'll be entertaining her mostly.

My mom booked a ticket for one week after my due date. Last time I had DD at 38 weeks so DH and I had almost 3 weeks alone with her before my mom got there. DH went back to work when my mom got here. If I go happen to go a week past my due date then mom will be here for the birth and DH will take time off to spend with me after the moms leave.

My mom stayed for 2 weeks last time (only planning one week this time due to lack of vacation time for her), then my MIL came for a week or so. It was over 6 weeks before I was alone all day with a newborn - and I was quite glad as the idea terrified me. Both mom and mil cooked all our meals and cleaned the kitchen/did laundry while they were here, they did not act as guests. If they had to be treated as guests then it would be a different story.

afg · August 2009

My hope is to have at least the first week at home alone just the three of us - me, MH and LO.

I am getting more and more anxious that this is not going to happen. My MIL is out of state and is flexible with her visit (although she's been told when would be a good time, and she is yet to make plans so I don't know what the problem is).

My parents are in the UK and have had their flight booked for a few months, and will get here 5 days after my due date.

mediadiva · August 2009

First time around no one lived near us and my mom and dad came down for like 3 days and stayed at a hotel so that was fine. My mom is good about giving me space and those first days I don't even remember.

?This time around I don't know what will happen, MIL is here with DD while we are at the hospital and my parents are coming down. I will enjoy seeing everyone but don't want a bunch of people around too long so we'll see what happens. DD could use some entertaining/attention so in that respect I won't mind it if it allows me to rest with the baby more. My mom kept saying "but I'll want to see the baby" and I was like um she'll be attached to my boob most of the time, this is a great opportunity for you to bond with Sydney. I think it's weird she's not more interested in doing that but whatever. I think once she's here she'll realize sydney is more fun then a newborn that needs it's mom to feed her all day.?

beckys96 · August 2009

With my 1st - My parents came to visit us in the hospital about 8 hours after DD was born (she was born in the middle of the night). They also only live about 20 min away...so I didn't have to worry about them staying with us or anything. My parents will have DD for the birth of this LO - so they will probably come up shortly after.

DH's mom never came to visit (she lives 5 hours away)...I am thankful for this because she would want to stay with us and totally stress me out. She hasn't even mentioned about visiting anytime soon so I think we are in the clear.

AggieDee · August 2009

We will do the same as we did with DS. My mom will be staying with us for a few day, maybe a week. Last time, she was the one to get up every night for the feedings which allowed DH and I to get some rest. My mother also cooked and cleaned for me. MIL came to visit everyday and brought breakfast and lunch.

slhall730 · August 2009

My in-laws are coming this week, before she arrives. It doesn't bother me because I am close with them and want to have family with us when she is born. My mom is coming right away (once I am in labor) and my dad and step mom will come once my mom goes home. We will ahve guests for about 3 weeks straight, then I want peace and quite!!

Genevieved · August 2009

For us my mom lives 16+ hour drive away and my MIL lives about 1 and a half hours away. My mom is going to come and stay with us for awhile she may be here for the delivery she may not it all depends. If it turns out she isn't she will be on the next plane here. My family is really close and I know it is killing my mom to be so far away while I'm pregnant and it would kill her if she couldn't see her grandchild right away. She however will not expect us to treat her like a house guest. Last time she visited she got me to show her where things was so she could be more helpful when she comes after the baby. We also don't know how long my mom will stay I think it maybe she will stay until we tell her it is time to go. (These are my mom's words not ours).

My MIL worries me a little more because she keeps telling me all the vacation time she has and can take off when baby comes ect. However DH and I have talked about it and my MIL can only come visit in the hospital when I feel i'm ready to have her visit. One she takes a lot of energy to be around and two I want time for DH and I to spend with our LO, I know my mom will give us our space if she is at the hospital but even if she is here I don't think she will come to the hospital until we call and tell her to come.

When we get home with baby DH and I have agreed that his mom will be allowed to come visit but only if DH is here. Sometimes she says and does things that drive me crazy and aren't so nice and at least if DH is here he can say something to her. I hope she will be ok with this and not to upset that we aren't asking her to take vacation time to come stay with us.

If my mom lived so close no one would be staying with us so that is how I look at it and also there isn't enough room for both my mom and MIL to stay.

i just hope everything works out ok and no one gets upset.

laura1980 · August 2009

My parents won't be visiting at all. They have already said they won't travel down here to see us. My ILs said they will wait a week and then come down.

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