Parenting

Moms of 2 or more need your best piece of advice

for bringing the new baby into DS's life.  want to try and minimize any jealousy and hopefully make DS still feel like he is our world......someone suggested getting DS a gift from the baby.  Another person said when DS comes to hospital make sure I am not holding the baby when he walks in, so he can hop up and cuddle with me first then have Dad bring baby over.  Thought/suggestions?

Thanks!

Re: Moms of 2 or more need your best piece of advice

  • We did our best to act like nothing at all had changed once we got home. My son was pretty young (13 1/2 months) when our second came home and really adjusted rather well. We let him know that his needs were just as important as the baby's by tending to him first just as often as we tended to the baby first. I also let him help with feeding the baby (he would hold the bottle while I held the baby) and he loved it.

    Good luck!

  • Those are both really good suggestions. I agree with both. Also, I would involve your older child in helping to take care of the baby, and call it "his" baby.  Alana is so proud when other people comment on how cute Alexander is and she always says "That's my Xan Man". I also let her do little things to help me like rocking him in his carseat carrier, helping to feed him, etc.
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  • ZenyaZenya member

    My biggest tip is to remember that it's normal.  It's normal to have more than one child.  It's normal for a child to have a sibling (not to say that it's ABnormal to have a single child).  So even though things might be rough and everyone is adjusting.... you have a totally regular typical situation that everyone will grow into. 

     So don't act like it's  something extraordinary or something to feel guilty about.  Our kids take our lead!

    As to the ins and outs of it. My husband 'took' my son for the week he was off and also took him at night.  I basically just sat on the couch and nursed my baby for a week while they did fun stuff.  And then at night my DH dealt with DS.  All he really needed was someone to go get him and bring him into our bed. We totally embraced cosleeping again b/c it was clear that DS needed it. 

    Just keep positive.  Everything will be fine!

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  • dpdwdpdw member

    There will be a million times when you have to tell DS to "wait a minute please, while I do X with the baby."  So, whenever the baby is sleeping or settled, say outloud so that DS can hear, "OK baby, you are going to have to wait a few minutes.  It's DS's time now."  Obviously the baby doesn't need you at that moment.  You are saying it for DS's sake to let him know that he is important too.

    ETA: My kids are 24 months apart.  We didn't give DS a gift from DD.  He hardly noticed any gifts we received for DD, but that may have been because DS's birthday was 2 days after DD was born, so we were celebrating his birthday too.  Also, I was holding DD when DS first came in to meet her & he wasn't bothered in the least.  Actually he barely hugged me, he just wanted to love on DD.  She's 18 months now & DS has been an absolute perfect brother. 

  • Keep #1 on their schedule and work with baby around that (and as soon as you can, get them on the same schedule : ) 

    Take time to play with #1 although there are a billion of things that need to be down around the house too...

    Get out of the house daily! 

    honestly I thought 1-2 was easy... 


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  • imageshopgirl78:

    Keep #1 on their schedule and work with baby around that (and as soon as you can, get them on the same schedule : ) 

    Take time to play with #1 although there are a billion of things that need to be down around the house too...

    honestly I thought 1-2 was easy... 

    Oh yeah...that's good advice. 

  • Thanks girls!  All great tips :)  I have two friends that just had their second's and they are a mess........I just don't want that for us.
  • I think 1-2 was pretty easy as well.  The main thing we focus on is spending one on one time with each child.  It really helps my older child feel good and the baby gets a chance to bond with both of us. 

    I also find I am more easygoing about things with baby #2 and I can honestly say it has made the transition easier as well as me being able to really enjoy the new baby. 

     

  • I say to keep your sense of humor and lower your standards for having a tidy house. 1-2 was very hard on us (though 2 had a lot of health problems, which made things much harder) - but you get through it and it gets easier. Try to make some special, alone time for each of them, whenever you can. Pretty soon your older child won't even remember life before having a sibling. You'll make it work.
  • DH pretty much tended to DS and I usually have DD. DS got so much attention from DH that he didn't really notice that I was busy with the baby. He hasn't gotten jealous or anything yet and loves "his" baby to pieces. We didn't really do anything to prepare, just talked alot about her arrival and once she was here she just fit right in.
  • we just shower Griffin with attention - and so does the rest of our family and friends when they visit.

    almost everyone has brought a gift over for griffin when they bring one to the twins - which is nice - he feels special.  We also let him open the gifts for the twins, too - it's a job he likes to do.

    even if i can't play with him b/c i'm feeding a baby, etc - i make sure to talk to him about what he is playing across the room - so he knows i'm always paying attention to him as well.

    we really have not had any jealousy issues so far - and that is with TWO babies! 

    In the hospital when he came to visit we let him sit on the bed with me and hold the babies- everyone snapping photos = he felt really special.  There were also balloons in the room and we let him take one home each time he visited.

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