So DH has been drinking all day

ttc2 · July 2009

ALL. DAY. He got off of work @ 12 like everyday during the summer and went to get a few drinks with the guys, then went to his friends and drank more, got driven home and continued to drink here.

Then told me it would be funny if I divorced him cuz he's pretty much a chick. I don't know what to do, I feel so badly for him. I put him in bed, and he's out for the night but my heart is aching for him. He won't go see a counselor, he doesn't think he needs it. I obviously do and this sort of screams 'I need someone to talk to'- the time will come when he will, right?

Mrs.AmandaMqn · July 2009

::big hugs:: This is such a hard dx to cope with and it doesn't seem like he's handling it very well. I have no clue what to tell you that will help but do know that I know what you are going through.

Maybe you can tell your DH to use all that he is feeling to motivate him to find more answers. He shouldn't give up and he needs to get pissed at the why and take that energy and use it to find out more. It also sounds like he is scared that you will leave him, my H said the same thing to me. I reassure my H a lot that while I am very sad about the azoo, it doesn't change my love for him.

I'm going to start seeing a counsler, my H refuses to see one, but I'm hoping that once he sees me going and how it's helping me, that it will change his mind about going with me.

MrsP71506 · July 2009

Oh hon I am sorry. You are going through a lot right now. I think it is really hard for DHs because they don't have someone to talk to. Like I think I am still sane with all this IF stuff because of this board. If i didn't have people to talk to who were also in the same situation I don't know what I would do.

Is it possible that he would be open to going to see a counselor together. I think in time he will realize that this is the best thing for you guys. I am thinking about you and really hope that everything works out.

( too bad there isn't a TTTC board for the guys)

brighteyz29 · July 2009

My husband and I went through this when we were first together for about 2 1/2 yrs. I hate to sound harsh but what worked for me was leaving! Every time he was late from work I left, every time he talked about going to go get a drink I left, every time he would would call and say he was going to hang out with his brothers I left! It took about 6 months and he finally decided he would rather have me there then not and stopped drinking. He hated coming home and having me gone! I always just stayed gone for the night I would come back in the morning when he was sober and the first couple months we had the same conversation every time! He would always ask why I didn't just stay home and I would just tell him booze or me period. I hope that your husband decides on counciling it does help until then i hope you can find some peice!!!

Kiki11 · July 2009

(((big hugs))) I don't have any experience with that diagnosis, but I know there are girls on here who do. I hope with time you and your husband can process everything and come up with a plan that you are both happy with. And maybe someday your husband will be ready to talk about it with somebody. (((hugs)))

Anasara · July 2009

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Guys are especially hard to reason with when it comes to seeking professional help when needed. Can you ask your doctor for therapists that deal specifically with IF or male patients? GL.

((HUGS))

MrsKario · July 2009

Im sorry that you have to deal with all of this. It sounds like your H needs more time to process his diagnosis. He is probably so devasted by it. I think you really should consider counseling - even if he wont go, you could still go alone.
I really hope that your H is more rational tomorrow and you are able to talk more about how he (and you) is feeling. Sending hugs.

prazenjc · July 2009

sounds like when i was at a point of needing H and i go to counseling. H was doing something similar, but at the beginning of our dx process. we found out the details of his MFI before we zero'd into my uterine fibroids. i finally had an opportunity where he was receptive to hearing me tell him that even if he didn't think he needed counseling, i needed us to have counseling. it helped him break out of the self-focus he was having on OUR situation.

(((hugs))) i hope you all find the peace you need in this process.

MBandBud · July 2009

It is still VERY early in your Dx. I def feel for you but try to take it day by day and not ffwd. Hang in there and be the supportive wife you are. Hold onto hope girl. So sorry you are going through this. Right now it is not about the end result but how you get there. You are being a very supporive wife and doing what you need to do. Do not hesitate to get support for you to get through this. Hang in there. We are here.

Yellow_Daisy · July 2009

I was exactly where you are today about 3 yrs ago. My DH had 2 SAs with no sperm present and basically shut down. He refused to go to the specialist to find out why, he didn't want to talk about it, it just sucked. But I knew that he needed time so I told him that I wouldn't ask him about it at all for a few months if he would think about the next steps. I also told him I wasn't leaving and we would deal with this together when he was ready. Trust me I did not want to wait or be patient because that is just not my personality but that is what he needed. I really wanted to go to counseling but he didn't so I let everything drop for a while.

After about 6 mos he agreed to go to counseling and that completely changed everything for us. I let him pick the counselor and go a few times alone to make sure he liked her before I joined the sessions. After a few appts together he was ready to start seeing a specialist and from there we did the testicular biopsy and got the azoo dx. We saw the counselor weekly for about 18 months and it totally saved the IF process and our marriage.

The drinking thing doesn't apply to us because DH doesn't drink but I am sure your DH is just trying to cope. Give him a little space and time letting him know that you love him and support him and that you want to move forward with having kids with him no matter how it happens. Being a dad isn't about biology it is about who he is inside. My DH said it helped so much to hear that I thought no matter what he would be a great dad and that I wasn't upset or dissappointed with him like he was with himself.

Sorry you are going through this.

AletheaP · August 2009

When DH & I were having SERIOUS problems and he was not interested in seeing a counselor...I went by myself. It did me a helluva lot of good and improved OUR relationship.

So DH has been drinking all day

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