Childless coworker vent with clicky poll
I just posted this on 12-24 but I think you ladies might also be able to help:
So DD has been running a fever since Sunday. I took her to the pedi Monday and they said that they weren't sure what was wrong. They said that she probably has a virus and since they aren't sure if she is contagious to keep her home until the fever breaks. If she her fever wasn't gone by today to call in. So needless to say childcare has been rough this week. Yesterday I told everyone that I probably would not make it in today since MIL is our main childcare. FIL has cancer and is scheduled for surgery in 2 weeks. Obviously if he gets sick they will cancel his surgery which could potentially lead to his cancer spreading and his condition worsening- a risk I don't want to take. Any other day I would have just brought her to MIL, but I am worried about FIL. So this morning DD and I were on the floor in our PJ's reading books when a calendar alert went off on my phone stating that I had a meeting in 15 minutes. I totally forgot to cancel it. I called my office 2ce but there was no answer. I called my coworkers cell and she picked up and in the snottiest possible voice said, "Hi, I'm on a conference call and you have some guy waiting for you here. Everyone else is in a meeting. Are you coming in?" I said that I was waiting to hear from the pedi, but it wasn't looking good. She seemed ridiculously put off. I talked to the guy, apologized profusely, and rescheduled. About an hour later my coworker called back to ask if I had heard about a particular piece of company business which I had not. She bitched that communication sucks in our office and asked again if I was going to make it in. I said no and she scoffed and said bye.
I am so annoyed. I want to SAH so badly but we can't afford it. Obviously, it sucks for business that I have a kid and sometimes can't make it in. Outside of doing some work form home today and planning on staying late tomorrow, there's not much else I can do. I just want to say something to her like, "I'm sorry that my FIL having cancer and my DD having a fever has ruined your day. Stop being such a brat and get over yourself." DD has only been sick twice since I went back to work last September. So it's not like this is a persistent issue.[Poll]
Re: Childless coworker vent with clicky poll
Let it go. ?If she persistently gives you a hard time going forward, confront her gently and professionally about it. ?"Telling her off" will get you nothing in this case (I'm generally a fan of telling people to go piss up a rope, but in a work environment this usually isn't the best move).
If addressing it professionally - over a cup of coffee is good - doesn't work, bring in your boss. ?Document your efforts. ?And never be anything but polite. ?It sucks to be the bigger person, but in this case it will pay off.?
Oh, it's totally unprofessional. But the meeting had nothing to do with her. She's just annoyed because when I'm not there she has to man the front since we work for such a small office. If she's pissed about that, it seems to me like that should be something she brings up with our boss, not me. I am entitled to 3 weeks off and I'm well within those limits.
Do nothing. Anything you say or do will only make you look bad. If she isn't your superior, you do not need to explain yourself to her. Yes, taking a few sick days in a row really sucks, but sometimes it happens.
On another note, you should really find backup childcare while your FIL is recuperating. I hope everything goes well with his surgery.
IMO, you need to take a deep breath and then let it go. You don't entirely know what she has on her plate right now. It sucks that DD is sick and your FIL has cancer but, IMO, everybody has something. She was prolly having a bad day herself. You're not privy to all the details of her personal life. Maybe she's struggling w/ some stuff as well. And maybe she came into work today and everybody else was in a meeting, and she's trying to participate in her conference call and there you are, calling her about cancelling a meeting at the last minute w/ some dude standing in front of her desk looking for you.
You weren't there. You don't know what was going on from her perspective so be the bigger person and just let it go.
I think that sometimes one of the big problems in the workplace is that those w/ kids look at those without and expect them to handle more just because their childless. And that's not fair. I have coworkers that don't have kids and I at no time expect them to tow the line for me. I chose to accept this job offer and I chose to get pregnant. Its my job to keep up with both, not theirs.
To be honest- your personal life isn't any of her concern. It sucks that yoru FIL is sick, but is she even aware of that? And even if she is- it doesn't matter. Your PERSONAL life has nothing to do her work life.
Same w/ your DD. She's sick, you're at home in your PJ's - which you seem to think that your coworker should somehow be aware of - and you didn't cancel a meeting.
She's really not wrong to be annoyed because she has to deal w/ the fallout of you not being there. She may not be involved in the meeting, but she had to deal w/ the person who was there for that meeting. YOu're well w/in your time off limits, but it doesn't change the fact that you let the ball drop on this meeting.
Sounds like she was having a bad day, and it sounds like your desire to be a SAHM might be making you a bit sensitive to all of this.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ditto ECB 100%.
When you see her next, you're the one who needs to apologize to her for her having to pick up your slack when you didn't cancel your meeting.
Your personal life is not her problem.
I'm a working mom now - but I totally remember being a working woman without children, and it was annoying as hell to work with women who thought that the office revolved around them and their kids. You acted completely unprofessionally, and she responded accordingly. You're the one who already looks like the_ass here - calling her out for being a "brat" isn't going to make you look any better. Apologizing to her would go a lot further.
And ditto the pp who suggested that you find alternate care for your DD. I'm kind of put off by the idea that you would have your MIL taking care of your child while she's trying to take care of her husband who is recuperating from cancer. Her plate couldn't possibly be overflowing.
At one point I had 3 people lined up for babysitting. And a few times all 3 fell through and I had to stay home. It happens. It's good to have back-up childcare, but even that isn't foolproof.
I would not say anything to the coworker except a brief apology for not cancelling the meeting since it did inconvenience her in some small way. You made a mistake there, and there's nothing wrong with admiting it.
I would also make sure your boss knows what is going on both with your FIL and your DD, so that he will be reassured that it is a temporary thing. This is especially important if the annoyed co-worker is likely to go whining to him.
Here's the deal. She isn't your boss, you don't owe her anything especially if she's going to act crazy to you on the phone. Regardless of the fact that she's dealing with the fallout of you not being there that's too bad. I'm covering for a co-worker who's out on vacation for 3 1/2 weeks!!! And I have to suck it up and do her job and my own and deal with any emergency that arises. Big deal, you forgot to cancel the meeting, you're human, we all make mistakes. And you were dealing with your dc being sick. My MIL watches DS and I don't have an alternate sitter. If she can't do it then DH and I take turns staying with ds.
Please don't feel bad or obligated to apologize to her. If she had a better attitude I'd apologize, but she doesn't. We all have to cover for our co-workers sometimes.
M/C 1/6/10
You want to stay at home. Everything else in this post is colored by that.
You left her hanging with your meeting because you forgot. This, while understandable, is still unacceptable.
Do you realize her snarky apologize would be "Gee, I'm sorry you're having issues with your family this week. Could someone pretty please explain how this turns into more work and headaches for me?"
She's crabby. You can't change it right now, so just deal.
Scrutinize people for making a mistake... We are all human.. and regardless of who was having a bad day you are entitled to vent i was given some good advise the other day when i was on a rant about work... IGNORE HER.. Dont let her bad attitude bother you.... But the only way you will feel better is by dealing with the situation in your own way... but be sure to think about any and all back lash when choosing how to handle it...
Vent to us!! and let her keep what ever stick she has up her but up there! if she doesnt like her job dont let that affect the way you feel about yours! Remain positive and kill her with kindness!!