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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
MidwestTexan
member
Only Child...pros and cons?
MidwestTexan
member
Given how difficult DS was early on (and up until about a week or so ago), DH and I are unsure about whether we want more kids. Before we got married, we thought we'd have 2-4 kids (we each grew up in families with 3 kids). Now we're thinking it will be a MAX of 2. (My pregnancy, labor and delivery were all just fine, it's the newborn thing that threw us for a loop.)
If you're an only child or if your DH is (or someone else you are close to is), what are the pros and cons of not having siblings?
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Re: Only Child...pros and cons?
my mom is an only child and i've heard her talk about how hard it was as an adult to be dealing with sick parents and not having a sibling to help. she was married at least, so she had my dad to depend on but it wasn't the same as having a sibling to rely on to help...especially after my grandfather had died and my grandmother was getting older and lived far away.
DD - February 2011
Pros - I went to the best schools, got all the toys and clothes I needed/wanted (for the most part), lots of attention from family (I was also the only grandchild)
Cons - Lonely, no one to play with, inability to share as an adult
That being said, I still think DD may end up an only child. I love her, but I just don't think I want to go through all of that again.
Between friends that are onlys and friends that have siblings there is def a difference. I can't imagine life w/o my brother. I feel like my 2nd child is a gift to #1 that can't be given in any other way. Your 2nd child will make you love you first in ways you could never imagine or duplicate in any other way. #2 was a surprise and we were not sure either. But Julia has been a dream come true. Different in every way.
Bro and I are far in age (10 years) so I had the benefit of both worlds. And I too had a charmed childhood with amazing toys, experiences and education.
I got pretty much everything I wanted...I never really wanted for anything.
I was super lonely, and have an increasingly hard time making friends...I'm super shy...and I wish that I could have that relationship with a sister or brother like DH has with his sister.
I say this, and DD will probably be an only child.
DS is high needs & my pregnancy wasn't exactly easy, so sometimes I question whether I'll have another. When I really think about it though, I'm lucky compared to many others. I've always planned on 1-2 kids, & I think I'll wait until DS is one before making a final decision.
That being said, I am very close with my brother & sister & would not want to be w/o those relationships. My sister is 3 years older than me & my best friend. My brother is 8 years younger & is almost like a son to me.
One thing I've noticed with SD (she's 11, DH has been divorced since she was 4) is that she has a very hard time not being the center of attention. I think it's mostly part of her personality, but others have commented it's b/c she was an only child for so long. When DH & I told her we were expecting, she threw a fit & said a bunch of stuff about how babies get all the attention. She's totally in love w/ DS now that he's here, & she's been a great big sister, but she has been driving DH crazy w/ trying to hog the spotlight. Again, I think a lot of it has to do w/ personality, but I'm sure being the only LO for a long time didn't help.
Remember too that every LO is different. DS is high needs, but DH says SD slept in her crib from the beginning & was only up once a night max. You just never know.
I agree with this. I hated being an only child. I remember going to dinner with the parents and reading during the entire meal because I had no one to talk to or play with. Being an only child sucked. I want 2, but it may take come convincing. DH wants one. But, G is only 5 weeks old so we will see what happens.
I've always loved being an only child. I liked that I got all the attention. I also liked that my mom was able to travel with me and take me everywhere. I never felt lonely and was a very independent and imaginative child and had no problem playing by myself. I believe me being an only allowed me to be confident speaking and performing in front of others.
My son is a "one and done". I've never seen my own self having more than one.
I know a lot of people who are not friends with their siblings...including myself. Just because you have more than one doesn't mean they will get along at all. Also, it doesn't mean they will help with a sick parent.
I am probably a one and done. If I have another I will probably adopt.
This is me exactly so I wonder if it is more personality since I have a very close relationship with my Brother. But he left for college when I was 7. Best of both worlds?
I am an only child and I really liked it. I would occasionally say how I wanted siblings, but then I'd go to my friends' houses with siblings and my GOSH were their sibs annoying! And like Chrysallys said, I was very independent & got to do a lot of things that we wouldn't have been able to do had my parents had more kids.
Now as an adult, though, I wish that I had siblings.
My brother is 2.5 years younger and is my best friend. I can't imagine life with out him and there is something so valuable about him and I haveing shared so many experiences, he knows me better than anyone else. And now having my own LO has made us even closer, he is the best Uncle. On the other hand a good friend of mine was an only child and when she was 30 her mother died and she had to do all the funeral prep plus the mourning with her father and said countless times how much she needed a sibling to help durring that time.
All that aside my LO's birth was so rough I am having the same debate...
after my first dd i said NO WAY was I doing that again however after I remarried and almost 9 years later I had another. It has been completely different for the better. I still don't think I will have anymore beyond 2 just because it is nice having a man on man situation but if we were to have an oops it would be a blessing.
Could be.
My niece is an only. ?She's 9. ?I always feel so sad for her b/c she is very immature, cannot handle being on the sidelines, and is always talking about how lonely she is. ?
I have 3 brothers and think that they have made me a better person. ?Also, family get togethers are so fun now. ?And we have a built-in support network when we need babysitting or dogsitting or just someone to go have a beer with. ?I can't imagine being an only. ?I've also always thought that when your parents go, you're alone in the world without your siblings. ?Sure, you have your spouse (hopefully) but it's not the same as those people who will share your loss on the same level that you do.?
I want at least 3, and DH is on board. ?I've always looked forward to having a noisy messy house full of little ones. ??
I agree with the benefit of having someone go through the challenges of life with. Aging parents, major health issues...stuff like that. I think sibs are even more important as an adult than as a child. For me, my parents died when I was a teenager. Thank God for my brother. If I didn't have someone to go through that experience with I don't know how I would have gotten through. I'm glad my girls will always have each other.
I'd wait a while before making a decision. The newborn stage is really, really short in the grand scheme of things.
exactly
I'm an only, DH is one of 3. I really feel and have always felt DD will be our only. I definitely had no wants during my childhood but I'm not sure that was based on my only child status -- it's just that all my needs were met and my parents had a lot to give me. I grew up fairly independent, always played well on my own and preferred my own company to that of others. I also interacted well with adults. But I did miss having a brother or a sister at several different times in my life. Around grade school when I started interacting with other kids more frequently and noticed the difference in family make-ups, in college when several friends had younger or older brothers and sisters also in college, and as a young adult when all the pressure of my parents hopes and dreams was placed on me. But in the end I really like the close relationship I have with my parents and I cherish it as a consequence of being an only child. I worry at times what it will be like when they are older and I have no sibling to rely on to help me with them but I watch DH who has siblings and older parents and nonetheless he is the one they rely on.
FWIW I'm an only because my mother was diagnosed with cancer in the year after my birth. Her preference would have been to have 3 kids. She is an only child as well and always wished for siblings. I really think that it has a lot to do with the child in question and you probably won't know for years whether yours is good as a only child or not.
Ditto. Plus 'only child syndrome'. I have it.
OMG, this brought tears to my eyes! Makes me want another baby NOW!