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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
XP: On kids not eating what you make
My 9 year old sister is a spoiled brat. What she says goes when it comes to her parents.
I made potato and chickpea curry for dinner (they are currently living with us until Saturday, but that's another story) and she refused to eat it. No sooner had she said "I don't want that" when my grandmother, and then my mother, asked if if she wanted something else. A scrambled egg maybe? How about Vienna sausages with your rice? This really bothered me...a lot.
I haven't been in this situation yet since Liev is my only child but my way of thinking is different from my mom's. Now, I won't force my kid to eat what I make but I will not make him anything else (once he is older that is). I am not a short order cook so you either eat what I make or don't eat.
I told her that and the immediate reaction was "So, you're going to let your kid starve because you don't want to make him anything else?" No, he won't starve, when he is really hungry, he will eat. No one starves because they don't like dinner.
Anyhow, I am obviously speaking merely of how I currently think things will be like not having been in that situation before. I may very well have to swallow my words at some point.
What is your take on this issue?This discussion has been closed.
Re: XP: On kids not eating what you make
I also agree with this. There are foods I hate, and I expect the same for my son. I won't force him to eat foods he hates (to a point), but I certainly won't let him run dinner.
Not all kids are like this. The ones that I take care of know that if they don't eat or at least TRY what is put in front of them (at least three or four bites), then they aren't getting anything else. That's just how it works. They all love broccoli now (including my own DD) and know that they have to eat it first (or whatever other veggie we are serving) in order to get the other part of the meal.
My niece and nephew are little brats when it comes to food, and my sister lets them eat whatever they want. When I was visiting, my nephew ate four containers of cinnamon applesauce and had a Dr. Pepper. He's FOUR. They tried to convince me while I was babysitting them that they were going to have popsicles only for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I said no, and they ate what I served them.
Kids need rules.
What Kelbrian said.
All kids are not like that. They don't just innately know that if they refuse to eat that you will make them something else. That is a learned behavior. For younger kids it's one thing, but at 9 it's just being rebellious.
Asking a 9 year old to eat curry is kind of tough, no? If it was a basic like mac and cheese, I'd say MAYBE she was being bratty, but curry? That's not really a basic food. I wouldn't have eaten it either. And if you were having me over for diner I hope you would tell me in advance that you were making an ethnic food such as curry.?
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I think I'll probably get to know what my kids like and make it often, as well as let them try new things. ?Bottom line it that they won't starve if they miss a meal.
I agree with you 100%. I wish every parent lived by that philosophy!
ETA: I don't think it matters that you made something unique - it is down right rude to refuse to eat at someone else's house. I think your mom should have scolded her for her rudeness in addition to making her at least try what was in front of her.
They live with her, and she has said that she makes curries quite frequently. Sounds like her younger sister is just being a brat because she knows she'll get her way.
Not all curries are extremely spicy. I've had some mild ones and given it to Lili, and she loves it.
i like your rules, but it is hard to enforce on a toddler. my sister jsut started enforcing this on my 4 yr old nephew.
if he doesn't want what they are having, he can fix himself a bowl of cereal or PB&J. he knows where everything is and knows how to do it. he got reallly pissed about it at first and threw some tantrums, but now he fusses about it less and learned to eat what everyone was having or he was in for some work on his own part.
This curry was actually VERY mild. She's a brat and not just when it comes to food.
I have a 10 year old stepson. I completely agree with you. It's something that he's had to get used to. He now knows that I don't make separate meals unless it's something very kid-unfriendly.
ETA: Yeah, I didn't see that you had made them curry. I don't blame a kid for not liking curry and that would've been one of the times I gave my stepson a sandwich or chicken strips.
My 16 (yes 16) year old sister is like this. And my mom still orders for her at restaurants. And no, she has no disabilities.
I agree with you. My niece had this exact problem. She refused to eat things and my sister/BIL would make her something else. Because of this, she is such a picky eater now and only eats chicken nuggets, pasta, and PB&J.
If it's something I'm making for the first time, I would totally understand but would encourage DS to try it.
My oldest is only 2, but she eats what I make or she doesn't eat at all. Kids will not starve themselves...if they are hungry enough, they will eat.
A friend's daughter "only eats mac and cheese and hot dogs." I keep trying to explain that the reason for that is b/c that is all she (the mommy) serves. Her response is, well that's all she will eat. And around and around we go. I don't even participate in the conversation anymore b/c I am so sick of hearing it.
I haven't read all the responses, but I absolutely agree with you June - if I'm making dinner then that's the only dinner I'm making. Period. I refuse to make my life more difficult catering to a toddler.
With that said, I plan to make sure there is SOMETHING on the table that they will eat, so that they get something in their tummy. Bread with butter, rice, noodles without the sauce. Whatever. But we will all sit together as a family, and all eat from the same table. It's something I grew up with (and my mom always made ethnic meals that we had no problem eating) and it's something I plan to do with my family!
Yes, this issue scares me a bit. I am ultra-healthy, and eat a lot of vegetables, ethnic foods, etc. DH eats what I cook, but left to his own devices....I shudder to think.
Kids, on the other hand would be willing to eat PBJ sandwhiches every day because the food isn't to their liking. I have two cousins who are/were very small for their age for a long time because they literally, hardly ate anything. Every meal was a fight, or a battle of wills. A lot of the time, my cousin opted to starve!!!! Of course, he`d wolf down McD`s in a heartbeat...blech.
I once read an article about picky eaters and it said you need to give kids some autonomy over what they eat. The author went on to say that, for example a meal consisting of 4 food items, they could choose from that what they wanted to eat. But you would not cook an alternative for them, and similarly, they could not just eat PBJ. This solution still doesn't sit well with me....most kids still would never eat vegetables!!! It also said to include them in cooking, meal planning etc.
I dunno, my plan is to eat all the *crazy* foods (according to my ILs) we normally do, right from the beginning, so our kids never know any different. I'll let you know how that goes in say....5-10 yrs, lol.
I'm with you - this drives me nuts. My brother and I ate everything as kids because we were expected to at least try whatever was served. I had a cousin who even into his teens would only eat about 5 things - crazy!
I also believe that if you expose kids to different foods early on and encourage them to try things, they'll be great eaters for the most part. Kiddo will be dining on some curry sooner rather than later - I figure hit them while they're young and still open slates as far as taste is concerned. He hasn't turned up his nose at anything yet!
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When I was growing up I had to sit there until the food was gone. When I gagged and threw up in my plate, I was told I had to eat that too. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food.
I really like what MIL did. She always made sure that something on the kid's plate was a food that she knew they liked. If there was something they had never tried or didn't care for, they had to eat one forkful. That way they were introduced to new foods and had to try them, but were not forced to eat something that they really did not like. They never had battles over dinner and both DH and his sister are very good with trying new foods and with being respectful when someone else has cooked for them.
Kids need guidelines. My philosophy is you eat what is served on the table otherwise you must not be that hungry.
Making an alternate meal is ridiculous.
However, I did not like eating liver or yogurt as a young child. I tried it and could not eat it. I think we have to be realistic with our expectations. So I didn't eat the liver that was served. My mom always had salad on the table for every meal...so I ate that when liver was served.