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AR: A question from an adoptee

DonniesgrrlDonniesgrrl member
in Adoption

So I have the information on my BM original posts here and here and I have been sitting on it for about a month and a half.  I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with it so I stepped back from the situtation for awhile and I have kept coming back to it my head and heart so much these last 2 weeks.

I am trying to decide what to do about contacting her, personally I want to write a letter, however I have no clue how I would even begin a letter like that.

I know most /all of you are either adopting, have adopted or are looking into it, but any ideas would be really helpful..

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Re: AR: A question from an adoptee

  • Sally JSally J member

    I have a tough time putting myself in your shoes since I don't have any similar experience even being an adoptee (my situation wasn't willingly placed for adoption by my mother) and I can't imagine how complicated this situation is for you.  Here are my thoughts....

    I would start by talking about you and your life.  How you grew up, how wonderful your parents are, who you are today.  I think this will bring your BM a lot of peace knowing more about you and how you grew up.

    I would talk about your honest feelings as well.  How you might be questioning what to say, what to call her, how to begin the letter.  Also what do you think about what your BM did for you?  Do you think she is courageous, sensitive, etc?  Tell her that.

    Be honest about why you want to contact her.  Your need to feel connected biologically, to know who she is or if you have bio siblings, your medical background, your birth father, etc.

    Let her know how you want to be contacted going forward.  Letters, email, blogging, phone calls, meet in person?

    Don't be afraid to sign it 'Your daughter', afterall you are a daughter to two women!

     

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  • DonniesgrrlDonniesgrrl member

    Wow those are great Ideas, thank you !!

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  • baze2baze2

    I agree with Sally..How you begin is not as important as beginning!! (at least that is what I hear you saying in your other posts)...Also the beginning doesn't matter as much as what you say!

    Be honest...She gave you a beautiful life..she gave you your mom who has proven to be another fabulous women.

    Good Luck..

     

    "Onward"--CathyMD Waiting since 07/5/2011 for our forever child! Yep we are adopting!
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  • sweety21sweety21
    I am another adoptee and have a relationship with my BM but not BF. I also have info for BF but hadn't decided whether to contact him yet or not. If you want to talk I'm usually on the pets board or you can email me ilove27368 at hotmail dot com just put nestie in subject line.
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  • DonniesgrrlDonniesgrrl member
    Aww thank you I will probably once I write the letter, I am so nervous to do it that I keep talking myself out of it, and even though I know it is something I want to do I keep dragging my feet
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