Working Moms

Rude comments towards working moms....

One of my friends (use to be BFF) has made a few rude/hurtful comments towards me because I work. She doesn't understand why I have to work and has commented that she is so fortunate to have a husband that can take care of her and their family. She has also said that she doesn't understand why people have children if they are going to go back to work and have someone else raise their kids. She has made me feel bad in the past but it doesn't bother me quite as much anymore and I don't talk to her as much anymore because of this. Has anyone else ever deal with someone like this?

Re: Rude comments towards working moms....

  • E CE C member
    Yep - my mother.
  • CHI-06CHI-06 member
    Both of my parents
    Daughter born July 2008; Daughter born March 2010 Son born August 2011
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  • Comments like these are so insensitive - I have to believe that any one with an ounce of social grace (let alone a good friend) would not say such things.  I find these types of comments have more to do with the speaker's own sense of self worth and needing to pump themselves up.
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  • Wow, so she's going to be done raising her kids by the time they're 5?  Or is she going to homeschool them?  What a rude, hurtful comment.  I agree with the pp who said it has more to do with her than with you ... just for the record, my DD loves her daycare teacher and her friends at school and I think she gets a lot more out of her day than if she just stayed home with me all the time.
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  • imageluvmagoldn:
    I find these types of comments have more to do with the speaker's own sense of self worth and needing to pump themselves up.

    This is exactly what DH says when I tell him the things that she says to me. He said that she probably is unhappy with her own life and just trying to make me feel bad.

  • My DH's best friend's wife is a_bitch like that.  I've managed to hold my tongue so far.  DH knows that one of these days, I'm just going to tell her that she's an ignorant f*ckhead when she goes on one of her rants.
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  • How annoying! Maybe she has to justify being a SAHM by attacking you. Maybe you should say something like, "You are so right, I am an awful mother for going back to work!" See what her reaction is. 
  • damned if you do, damned if you don't.  ignore her (or hell, if you were such bff's call her out on it). don't feel bad.  everyone does (or should do) what they feel is best for themselves and their family.  I've done both and let me just say... you get crap smack either way. 
  • Yep - I've gotten alot of comments since I came back --> "are you back full time like for real back?" No, I'm pretend back....

    I also had a friend (ex-friend now) that basically implied I was abandoning my marriage because of the job I took 5 years ago. Apparantly my marriage is still intact. So annoying.

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  • I suspect your secure in your position as a working mom and the hurtful comments are more painful because it is the realization that she's really not your friend.

    A friend lifts you up and challenges you to better yourself - and this is not done by critcizing your current situation.  Your DH is totally correct in that it is her own insecurities.  It is wonderful that her husband takes care of her but it will be interesting to see where she is 10-15 years from now.

    Life is too short to continue friendships like these.

  • FloF9FloF9 member
    I'm with Carrie - I would be SOOO divorcing that friendship.
  • imagecarrie4g:

    I suspect your secure in your position as a working mom and the hurtful comments are more painful because it is the realization that she's really not your friend.

    A friend lifts you up and challenges you to better yourself - and this is not done by critcizing your current situation.? Your DH is totally correct in that it is her own insecurities.? It is wonderful that her husband takes care of her but it will be interesting to see where she is 10-15 years from now.

    Life is too short to continue friendships like these.

    This. ?She's saying it to try to hurt you - there is just no other reason for comments like that. ?I'd dump her.

  • Yup, I've heard all of those.  From family, coworkers, etc. even my pastor, believe it or not.

    I got the "My husband provided for me..." comment from a 65+ coworker who now can't retire because said husband then divorced her after she SAH, had few working skills, no retirement savings and will have to work forever because the only asset she has is the house she lives in.  No thanks.

    I've also gotten,
    "How in the world do you do it?"
    "Mommies need to be home with their babies"  (this came from my step-brother's wife who is a work-at-home mom and has to be on a computer 8 hours a day doing medical transcription for a hospital.  Uhm, who is watching and interacting with your kids?)

    I just chalk it up to insecurity about your own choices in life and lack of education about the realities about what we working moms go through.

  • I echo the comments made by lovemagoldn and Carrie.  She's insecure and trying to make herself feel better - my guess is because she's jealous of your independence.  And not a true friend.

    We've had some comments from family mainly.  Mainly because I chose to continue working.  We could live on DH's salary no problem.  A lot of our friends and coworkers are in the same situation, where the wife chose to continue working, not out of necessity.  But in our families most of the women stay/stayed home, so my continuing to work is a questionable situation to them.  We just ignore them, and remind ourselves we're very fortunate to have the choice!

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  • I do not understand putting down anyone for their choices; the SAHM's that I know sometimes complain just as much about their life and choices as the working-out-of-the-home moms....

    Grass is always greener, right?

  • I know your friend has hurt your feelings, but let me give you another perspective.  I was a working mom for almost 2 years before I was laid off and became a SAHM.  One of my BF's was a SAHM from the beginning (she didn't return to her job after maternity leave) and she would say things all the time that hurt my feelings as a working mom.  Some of her comments included: "I could never let someone else take care of my baby," "I would just worry about him constantly," "I would never trust someone else to watch him," "Being a stay-at-home-mom is the hardest job in the world," etc. etc. etc.  She didn't mean to hurt my feelings and wasn't even aware that she did -- though I have since told her.  I found that when I was a working mom these innocent comments just really got to me because I really wanted to be at home with my baby instead of working at this crappy job where no one appreciated me, you know?  At the time, I financially HAD to work, and she could afford not to.  We are still friends, closer than ever now.  I also have a friend who is a working mom who I can tell has written me off because I'm a SAHM now.  I've probably said something that offended her in some way.  I should ask her and clear the air.

    I would just tell your friend gently that it does really hurt your feelings when she says those things and explain to her why you work (whether it's financial necessity, you enjoy it, you are good at your job, etc.).  And, for the record, I do feel that being a working mom is much more difficult than being a SAHM.

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